America’s third favorite Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield, was spotted strolling in London with the same mystery woman he reportedly started dating back in November. It’s a big change for Andrew to go from dating a white-hot A-lister like Emma Stone, to a plain, nondescript gal like Rita Ora (that’s her name, according to Daily Mail). The pair were photographed walking together in the Primrose Hill neighborhood, and “Rita hid her peroxide blonde locks under her trendy baker boy hat” as if she thought she might be recognized. Which might actually be true. The Mail calls her “The Hot Right Now hitmaker, 28”, so I guess if I cared to Google “Hot Right Now”, I might be able to figure out who she is. She’s alternately described as a “blond bombshell”, a “singer” and “Your Song hitmaker”. This is my “Mr. Police, I gave you all the clues” moment, and I am failing miserably!
Rita Ora is the queen of doing basically nothing but still getting invited to everything. Have you ever heard a Rita Ora song that she wasn’t a feature in or featured people way more relevant than her? Didn’t think so. Yet homegirl still gets invited to the MET Gala and shit! Well, Rita needs to keep her Queen of Showing Up career alive because those Rimmel London ads aren’t worth nothing without a bit-o-tabloid publicity. So now, it’s being reported that she’s dating former Spider-Man Andrew Garfield.
I imagine Nick Jonas is furiously firing off an iMessage to his assistant to make a “fake” Grindr account with nude pics because his gay-baiting rival, Andrew Garfield, has something to promote and is back with a vengeance to talk about his maybe-maybe-not love for the peen. Continue reading
When Andrew Garfield did lazy drag while lip synching his sad wig off at a drag show hosted by Michelle Visage, I felt like he confirmed to the world that he’s 100% straight with those 90s frat boy dance moves. But inside of Andrew is a gay man, and I don’t mean that he’s a bottom and an actual gay man is inside of him.
Our current reigning Spider-Man blew the skin off of nipples early this month when he gyrated and threw down moves as White RiRi on Lip Sync Battle. Well, our last Spider-Man, Andrew Garfield, saw Tom Holland’s RiRi drag act and raised him a Whitney drag act.
We’re finally ending our never-ending Oscar coverage today and the best way to end it is with some man pieces who were probably suffocating in their nut-hugging pants and wanted to take it all off halfway through the show. They should’ve. It would’ve made that mess a hundred million times better and awakened all my senses.
My best dressed chick of the Oscars is definitely Charlize Theron, because with that ponytail, casual diamond earrings and daytime gold la-may gown, she was done up like Alexis Carrington making a quick trip to the supermarket. It was very daytime casual Dynasty. And my best dressed dude is definitely Ryan Gosling, who looks like he reeks of Jovan Musk oil and is about to pick you up in his dad’s gold two-tone Lincoln Continental Mark V to take you to the senior prom where he’s going to feel you up while slow dancing to The Closer I Get To You. And he’s definitely the one who spiked the punch.
Ryan wore Gucci (duh) and I couldn’t tell if those were actual ruffles or trompe l’oeil ruffles (Side note: I don’t do drag, but if I ever did, I’ve got dibs on the name Tramp Louie Ruffles.) And then there’s the smooth rat Pharrell, who dressed like a maître d at an underground restaurant that only serves virgin blood and is owned by Kunty Karl. There’s a reason why Pharrell looks like that. He’s wearing Chanel.
And here’s a million more pictures of the dudes from the Oscars. Come for Mahershala Ali and come again for hot piece of wood Jamie Dornan.