We’re finally ending our never-ending Oscar coverage today and the best way to end it is with some man pieces who were probably suffocating in their nut-hugging pants and wanted to take it all off halfway through the show. They should’ve. It would’ve made that mess a hundred million times better and awakened all my senses.
My best dressed chick of the Oscars is definitely Charlize Theron, because with that ponytail, casual diamond earrings and daytime gold la-may gown, she was done up like Alexis Carrington making a quick trip to the supermarket. It was very daytime casual Dynasty. And my best dressed dude is definitely Ryan Gosling, who looks like he reeks of Jovan Musk oil and is about to pick you up in his dad’s gold two-tone Lincoln Continental Mark V to take you to the senior prom where he’s going to feel you up while slow dancing to The Closer I Get To You. And he’s definitely the one who spiked the punch.
Ryan wore Gucci (duh) and I couldn’t tell if those were actual ruffles or trompe l’oeil ruffles (Side note: I don’t do drag, but if I ever did, I’ve got dibs on the name Tramp Louie Ruffles.) And then there’s the smooth rat Pharrell, who dressed like a maître d at an underground restaurant that only serves virgin blood and is owned by Kunty Karl. There’s a reason why Pharrell looks like that. He’s wearing Chanel.
And here’s a million more pictures of the dudes from the Oscars. Come for Mahershala Ali and come again for hot piece of wood Jamie Dornan.
We’ve been shitting up post after post from last night’s Adele Appreciation Ceremony (Featuring Adele Appreciating Beyonce), but another awards show happened yesterday. Two weeks before Hollywood gets dressed up in $15,000 gowns to lick each other’s taints and jack one another off at the Oscars, they got into $15,000 gowns to lick each other’s taints and jack one another off at the BAFTAs last night.
Since weed has a tendency to make annoying things more tolerable and tolerable things wonderful, some people get high before they go to Disneyland. It’s really the perfect place for it: bright colors, tons of candy and people wearing oversized foam costumes. It’s like a wholesome rave! Andrew Garfield did this once, and he recently talked about getting Disneylit to W magazine.
Oh, Nicole, Nicole, please save your Taylor Swift role-play costumes for your bedroom times with Keith Urban. Our eyes don’t need it!
“Hmmm, I don’t remember seeing a badly made Taylor Swift wax figure on the guest list,” said the organizers of the opening gala of the Palm Springs International Festival last night when Nicole Kidman walked the red carpet in one of Elle Fanning’s old dresses that her kids doodled on. That dress was made by Dior, but it looks more like something from David Bridal’s collection of wedding clothes inspired by Angelina Jolie’s doodled-on wedding dress. That whole look is giving me a Big situation. Because of that end-of-the-night prom hair and that dress from Justice, it looks like a little girl took over her body and made all of the design decisions for her. It’s a little Whatever Happened To Baby Jane goes to spring formal.
Thankfully, glamorous savior Suzanne Somers once again cleansed the red carpet of messy dreadfulness with her Ann Jillian razor cut, Wayland Flowers-approved rouge and L’eggs covered legs.
If it went with her ensemble, I’d say that Suzanne Somers should get a Medal of Honor for saving events with her sparkly glamour!
And here’s more pics from the Palm Springs International Film Festival including Natalie Portman wearing Darth Vader maternity chic and Pharrell Williams looking like the manager at a matador-themed gay club that only plays songs from the 80s.
Emma Stone’s latest movie, La La Land, is coming out in December, which means we’re about to see and hear from her a lot more in the next little while. Emma’s first stop on her publicity tour was the cover of November’s Vogue, where she worked the $10 Short n’ Sassy special from HouseOfWigs.com. Who knew that if you put Emma Stone in a ginger pixie cut and told her to pose as if she was about to break out into the giggles, you’d get Peter Pan by way of SNLs Stefon? I feel like if Emma takes her wrists away from her mouth, she’ll start telling you about Neverland’s hottest club. “It’s called Tinkerballs. It’s located in the basement of my treehouse and is hosted by DJ Jealous Mermaid and Nana the Saint Bernard.”
Emma also talked to Vogue about the gender wage gap and about going to a party at Paris Hilton’s house.
“Michael, if this is a post about Mad Mel, why did you use a picture of a homeless hobo who screams at the pigeons in the park and once got arrested for fucking a half-eaten hot dog bun he found in the trash?” – you
Mel Gibson’s “directorial comeback movie” Hacksaw Ridge screened at the Venice Film Festival over the weekend and the audience loved it so much that they gave it a 10 minute standing ovation. The producers must have installed retractable spikes in every seat, because that’s the only reason I can come up with for why those tricks didn’t sit down for 10 minutes! Or maybe the producers dangled exact rubber replicas of Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda above the audience and they all spent 10 minutes trying to catch that goodness with their mouths? That must be it.
While promoting Hacksaw Ridge, Mel said that superhero movies aren’t his thing, which is funny since he looks like the Maestro Hulk. During a press conference at the Venice Film Festival, Mel said that the difference between real superheroes and comic book superheroes is that real superheroes don’t “wear Spandex.” Mad Mel continued to trash talk superhero movies (and Spandex) in a looooooooooooooooong interview with Deadline.