Mary J. Blige, Keanu Reeves, Zendaya, Joe Rogan And Kris Jenner All Made The Time 100 List Of The World’s Most Influential People

May 23, 2022 / Posted by:

Last year Prince Harry and Meghan Markle graced the cover of Time Magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world and since then, have done jack shit in the way of influence. They were featured in the Icons section, but those tricks can’t even launch an Instagram page let alone a revolution. So Time gave them the year off to get their shit together and Mary J. Blige has taken their place as the face of the Time 100’s Icons section. Mary shares the honor with Issa Rae, Keanu Reeves, Jon Batiste, and Adele plus a couple of people who actually worked for the accolade. And because you can’t even get the “Uh” out of Adele without James Corden popping up out of nowhere like a singing telegram sent by the devil himself, James wrote Adele’s intro and used it as an excuse to brag about her “singing in the kitchen, or belting at the top of her voice solely to make [his] children laugh.” It’s like, we get it, James, she’s your bestie. But if she’s so influential, then explain what happened to your career?

Other categories for the Time 100 include Artists, which is almost exclusively actors this year led by Shang-Chi star Simu Liu and including Andrew Garfield, Zoë Kravitz, Sarah Jessica Parker, Amanda Seyfried, Quinta Brunson, Pete Davidson, Channing Tatum, Ariana DeBose and Jeremy Strong. Painter Faith Ringgold was the sole visual artist in case you’re wondering why 20 years from now the Louvre will be replacing the Mona Lisa with a reproduction of Justin Bieber’s Bored Ape NFT.

For Innovators you have Zendaya who I guess must have invented the color red and therefore gets a cover, Taika Waititi, Miranda Lambert plus a whole bunch of what appear to be nerds who actually innovated this year.

Mr. Apple himself Tim Cook got the cover for the Titans section which includes Oprah, blurbed by Michelle Obama, and Kris Jenner blurbed by Ryan Seacrest who “highlighted Jenner’s ability to helm her family’s media empire while emphasizing the importance of family” presumably by giving Rob Kardashian a job selling hot sauce to 7-11. While it’s unknown if Joe Rogan snorted any of Rob’s sauce as part of his COVID-19 cure, he did make Time’s Leaders list alongside Vladimir Putin, something I’m sure they’re both very proud of. And rounding out the categories is Questlove who earned a spot on Time’s list of Pioneers and was blurbed by either Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Fallon’s Bored Ape. I honestly can’t tell them apart.

You can read the entire list here.

Pic: Time Magazine via Instagram

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