Idris Elba was on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, and it turns out that Idris is not just a multi-talented sexy man/actor/DJ, he’s also completely clueless about the movie of which he has a starring role: Cats. To be fair, no one on Earth understands what the fuck is going on in Cats, it would be wrong to expect the same of Idris.
After we were promised that the Cats movie was going to be every layer of insane, and after everyone prepared to throw their pussies against the screen from getting teased with Idris Elba shaking his shit as the mysterious criminal pussy overlord Macavity, the trailer finally hit our eyeballs and souls, and you better grab a gallon jug of holy water and hide the cat nip before pressing play. Because it is a night terror for all your senses. It does not disappoint.
They honestly should’ve waited until August 26 to release this trailer, because that’s International Dog Day, and this hacked-up musical hairball is a gift to canines everywhere. They’re all going to howl with happiness into the air over how Hollywood did catmanity. If this doesn’t cause all cats to finally rise up against us evil humans, I don’t know what will.
Earlier today, Idris Elba dropped a teaser for Cats on Instagram, and it truly is a Christmas in July situation, because this video has everything. It’s got Idris dancing. It’s got several front and back shots of Idris in grey sweatpants. It’s got Idris winking directly at the camera, for those who get off on eye contact. And if Idris Elba isn’t your thing, there’s also a couple shots of the bonkers-looking set, which will surely please anyone who thinks this movie is bound to be a mess.
If you think I’m using this cover story and interview with Vanity Fair merely as an excuse to spend some quality time reviewing Idris Elba’s Instagram page and post sexy pictures of him, you’re absolutely right. Thankfully, Idris also had some interesting things to say that I can include as text in between the sexy pictures of Idris Elba. Everybody wins!
Variety has published a list of the top earning celebrities for 2019 and Martin Lawrence is sitting pretty at the big boys’ (and girls, and Tommy Girl’s) table. And no, I’m not talking about that Martin Lawrence, I’m talking about original recipe Martin Lawrence. Thanks to his Bad Boys For Life co-star Will Smith, Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence out-earned Academy Award nominees Jessica Chastain and Joaquin Phoenix. The three-time Kid’s Choice nominee was paid $6 million for reprising his role in the Bad Boys 3-sequel. I guess that creepy genie really can make wishes come true!
It is with great sadness that I regretfully report that yesterday, Idris Elba, 46, married his fiancee Sabrina Dhowre, 29, in Marrakesh. To add insult to injury, British Vogue was there to cover the entire wedding in order to fucking rub it into all of our faces today. The only positive thing I have to say about this is that at least Idris and Sabrina ripped the Band-Aid off and wasted no time in getting married after breaking all of our hearts in February when they got engaged. Actually, I don’t think that helps. I’m going to need my full body Idris pillow and super-cut of the best of Stringer Bell from The Wire STAT while weeping on the couch with cheesecake. Why, Idris, why?!