Last week, I posted about the trailer for Wes Anderson’s Asteroid City, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. And this week, I’m posting about Greta Gerwig’s Barbie movie, a vision of pastel overload starring every working actor in Hollywood. But unlike Asteroid City, the Barbie movie is low on twee pretentiousness and high on Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest (note to Wes Anderson: if you want to make Asteroid City more watchable, include a shot of Ryan Gosling’s nipples brushing up against a hot Magic Earring Ken jean vest in the final cut). In December, we got one Barbie teaser trailer, and today, they released teaser #2. I guess they just keep sticking the tip in. Well, as much as a flat-crotch’d plastic doll can stick the tip in.
And on top of the second teaser trailer, we got tons upon tons of character posters, including Michael Cera as Ken’s ginger friend Allan. FINALLY, Allan is getting his time in the shine, but did they really have to make him look like a sleazy frat boy turned sleazy investment banker?! Allan might be a Murdough.
In 2016 they offered us a live-action Barbie movie starring Amy Schumer and we said, “lol. No, thanks.” “Fine, Anne Hathatawy?,” they asked, and it being 2017 we said “look, we’re still trying to recover from Les Mis. Please leave us alone.” Then, like a year later, they said, “well, how about if Greta Gerwig writes and directs?” and we said, “whatever dudes, You do you.” Then they came back with “OK, so Greta’s definitely in and we are thinking Margot Robbie as Barbie? We getting warmer?” and we said, “we’re listening.” Then they said “Great! And as a reward for your patience, how about we give you Ryan Gosling as Ken” and we said “lol. OK, well in that case…”
Blue Ivy Carter Bid $80,000 On A Pair Of Beyoncé’s Old Earrings At Tina Knowles-Lawson’s Wearable Art Gala
With Alec Baldwin’s career in a precarious position, it’s only right that a new Boss Baby should emerge from the wreckage. At the practically geriatric pediatric age of 10, Blue Ivy Carter is a hair too long in the baby tooth to retain the title, but she is well positioned to be crowned our nation’s premiere Mogul Middlegrader. Blue Ivy, accompanied by her entourage, which includes pop singer Beyoncé and her husband, rapper Jay Z, attended her granny’s little dress-up party over the weekend and made her presence known by bidding $80,000 for a pair of earrings at the 2022 Wearable Art Gala auction. Let one of Elon Musk’s looming babies fight it out with one of Nick Cannon’s predicted progeny for the title of Boss Baby. Blue Ivy is so far ahead of the game that she’ll be retired with a full pension before any of those babies coming up behind her even get a chance to check in with HR for their orientation.
Mary J. Blige, Keanu Reeves, Zendaya, Joe Rogan And Kris Jenner All Made The Time 100 List Of The World’s Most Influential People
Last year Prince Harry and Meghan Markle graced the cover of Time Magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world and since then, have done jack shit in the way of influence. They were featured in the Icons section, but those tricks can’t even launch an Instagram page let alone a revolution. So Time gave them the year off to get their shit together and Mary J. Blige has taken their place as the face of the Time 100’s Icons section. Mary shares the honor with Issa Rae, Keanu Reeves, Jon Batiste, and Adele plus a couple of people who actually worked for the accolade. And because you can’t even get the “Uh” out of Adele without James Corden popping up out of nowhere like a singing telegram sent by the devil himself, James wrote Adele’s intro and used it as an excuse to brag about her “singing in the kitchen, or belting at the top of her voice solely to make [his] children laugh.” It’s like, we get it, James, she’s your bestie. But if she’s so influential, then explain what happened to your career?
The fifth and final season of Issa Rae’s HBO series Insecure is currently airing, and it’s gotten some viewers all fired up on social media. And not because they’re wondering what the Hell they’re going to do after Insecure comes to an end (the new episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm might scratch that HBO awkward comedy itch, but for how long!?). It’s because some current and former members of the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority were positively incensed that a character from Insecure, Tiffany DuBois, has been wearing AKA colors and insignia. They were so mad, they took to all manner of social media to call out Issa and the actress who plays Tiffany, Amanda Seales, and HBO, and Insecure’s production team. They got so mad, some of them might escalate this situation to call out the inventors of the colors salmon pink and apple green. But Issa Rae isn’t having any of it, because it’s just a TV show! And as such, she also decided to do some damage control on social media.
Issa Rae never really struck me as a princess type but she got surprise married over the weekend in the South of France to businessman/banker Louis Diame wearing a custom Vera Wang gown and tagged White Eden Weddings “as seen on Martha Stewart, Style Me Pretty, Brides & more” in her Instagram post announcing the news. It doesn’t get any more princessy than that! I guess rapping about your pussy doesn’t exclude one from wanting a fairy-tale wedding, so good for her!