Category: Zazie Beetz

Open Post: Hosted By Brad Pitt In A Skirt For The Berlin Screening Of “Bullet Train”

July 20, 2022 / Posted by:

Don’t blame the unprecedented hell-on-earth temperatures blowing out thermometers (and backs) all across Europe on climate change. Brad Pitt wore a skirt to the Berlin screening of Bullet Train. Not convinced? How about I lay some cold, hard science facts on your ass. Brad’s skirt had a raw, asymmetrical hem which highlighted his raw, asymmetrical knees causing a high-pressure weather event in coochies across the continent. Pretty hard to argue with that, I should say. Still think it’s because you were lazy and couldn’t be bothered to wash out your yogurt container so you threw it in the garbage and then hopped in your private jet to make a Target run? My good people, he was also wearing a tiger tooth necklace and combat boots. Berlin is in ashes.

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Open Post: Hosted By Dakota Johnson, Wedding Crasher

March 13, 2022 / Posted by:

When Dakota Johnson isn’t pretending to be a spiderperson in movies or George Clooney when making restaurant reservations, she likes taking her show on the road and pretending to be a person who is invited to weddings! That’s right. Dakota is a wedding crasher. I guess when you’re the offspring of famous people, normal hobbies like painting aren’t enough. You gotta go for the weird thrills!

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The Final Trailer For Joaquin Phoenix’s “Joker” Is Here

August 28, 2019 / Posted by:

Has anybody checked on Jared Leto today? He might not be OK, he posted an unflattering photo of himself on Instagram, and I’m wondering if maybe it’s because the first full trailer for Todd PhillipsJoker starring Joaquin Phoenix just came out. The surrounding Oscar buzz may have taken the wind out of his sails/billowy Jesus caftan. This latest trailer actually shows us less about the movie than the teaser trailer that was released back in April. But don’t worry, I watched it with the closed captions on, and the descriptions of non-speech elements alone are enough to get the gist. This movie starts with (somber music), moves on to (child giggling), soon followed by (maniacal laughter) which, in turn, is followed by (Arthur Laughing), a distinction entirely lost on me as Arthur never (sweetly chuckles), then (dramatic music) crescendos into (bombastic music). In between there is a lot of smoking and a clown riot. Fin.

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Open Post: Hosted By Joaquin Phoenix In The Trailer For “Joker”

April 3, 2019 / Posted by:

It looks the next season of HBO’s Crashing is going to be a bit darker than seasons past. In the first trailer for Todd Phillips’ standalone origin story, simply called Joker, Joaquin Phoenix stars as Arthur Fleck, a down-on-his-luck comedian who despite the occasional set back/beat down, doggedly pursues his dreams of stardom. If, from what you’ve read of him, you’ve already pictured Joaquin looking wrung out in saggy, grey tighty whities dancing alone in his bathroom, then there won’t be anything new to see here. Also appearing in the trailer are Frances Conroy as Arthur’s probable future matricide victim, Zazie Beetz as a woman who should have swiped left, and Brian Tyree Henry as Suspicious Black Man #1.

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Open Post: Hosted By Joaquin Phoenix In Action As The Joker

September 23, 2018 / Posted by:

It looks like those dudes in the background are getting it on as a clown crowd watches… That might be the most interesting part of The Joker.

That Joaquin Phoenix morphing into the Joker clip from the other day looked like some diligent comic book fan’s homemade CGI. It wasn’t. TMZ has posted a clip of Joaquin filming a scene for the upcoming origin story for the famous murder-clown, and that’s really the makeup with which they’re going. Well, they got the clown part right, he typed weakly? It’s an origin story so maybe this is like when the hero is making his own costumes at first and then his lewk evolves a little by the end of the movie? I hope so, otherwise, the Joker is going to look like he became a psychopathic killer after one of the kids at the birthday party he was working at kicked him in the balls.

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