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Lindsay Lohan Was Fined By The SEC For Violating Disclosure Regulations For A Crypto Ad
What do worst Paul brother Jake Paul, Lil Yachty, Soulja Boy, Austin Mahone, Akon, Ne-Yo, and porn star Kendra Lust all have in common? Well, thanks to the genre-bending, quadruple threat and possible bearer of out next Lord and Savior, Lindsay Lohan, they are all just one degree of separation away from three-time Academy Award winner Meryl Streep. CNN reports that Lindsay and her ragtag gang of “business” “associates” have all been charged by the Securities and Exchange Commission with violating disclosure rules while promoting crypto tokens on social media. Nobody, and I mean nobody, can anchor a team of random miscreants like our Lady in the Red.
The Alleged Victim In Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ski Accident Trial Claims He Can No Longer Enjoy Wine Tasting Because Of Her
A scream pierces the crystalline blue skies above a pristine alpine wonderland. Suddenly, chaos. A once “charming” man’s life is forever altered. He is, after a run-in with one Gwyneth Kate Paltrow, AKA the Cashmere Yeti, “no longer charming.” So says the attorney of Terry Sanderson, the man who claims his ability to enjoy the finer things in life, like wine tasting, was snuffed out in an instant when Gwyneth plowed into him on the bunny slope of the Deer Valley Resort in Park City, Utah on Feb. 26, 2016, a day that will live in infamy. The stakes literally could not be higher for Gwyneth as she continues to fight for her honor in a drab and drafty civil courtroom. Gwyneth stands accused of causing Terry to suffer “a life-altering brain injury” as a result of her “neglect, her choices and her disregard,” according to The Washington Post. Terry, 76, is suing Gwyneth for $300,000, down from his initial request for $3 million. Gwyneth is counter-suing for $1.
97-Year-Old Dick Van Dyke Crashed His Car Into A Gate And Suffered Minor Injuries
Damn, dolphins! You had one job to do! TMZ reports that Dick Van Dyke, one of the world’s last remaining INTERNATIONAL TREASURES, folded his lanky 97-year-old ass into his 2018 Lexus LS 500 and crashed into a gate. Thank goodness that “he managed to avoid serious injury” and no thanks to his pod of guardian dolphins who pushed him to shore in 2010 when he fell asleep while surfing and drifted off to sea. No! Don’t scream “ACKACKACKACKACK” at me, you rubbery little freaks, I know he was on land, but if you save Dick Van Dyke once, you’ve agreed to save him for life. I hope you all get turned into tuna fish for what you’ve done.
Ben Affleck And Jennifer Lopez Have Fallen Out Of Escrow For A Third Time
Please hold some space in your heart today for Ben Affeck and Jennifer Lopez’ real estate agents; it’s hard out here for a property pimp. TMZ reports that Ben and Jen have fallen out of escrow, for a third time in a year, on the $64 million Pacific Palisades mansion they decided to buy just couple of weeks ago. Maybe the recent rains in southern California revealed cracks in the foundation. Of the house! The house, people! Ben and Jen are more in love today than they were 13 days ago when they signed the contracts. But for whatever reason, it’s back to scouring Craigslist or however they do it, because their search for a Perfect 10 continues.
Sources Complained That Production On Lauren Sanchez’s Self-Financed Feature Film Has Been A Disaster
Move over Tom Cruise, there’s a new Maverick in town! And she’s been to space! Well, near space. Lauren Sanchez, Jeff Bezos’ paramour, isn’t your typical billionaire’s bimbo (yes, we’re all looking at you, Ann Lesley Smith! Until he puts a ring on it, you’re just another dime-a-dozen widowed sexagenarian singing lady cop priest with an ancient boyfriend!), she’s a business woman! Who’s been to near space! As such, she’s making moves and doing thangs. One of those moves is “self-financing” “her first indie movie,” and one of those thangs is asking “to land her helicopter on set.” In heels! Well, in heels taller than Tom’s!
Courtney Love Came For The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame In A Guardian Op-Ed Then Came For The Guardian For “Censoring” Her
If Courtney Love followed the rule “if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all” we’d never hear a peep out of her unless it was in defense of Johnny Depp. This week Courtney’s gnashing her teeth at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and popping them on the ass with a rolled-up copy of an op-ed she wrote for The Guardian. But even a wonky clock that’s not only seen some shit, but has probably also smeared some shit, is sometimes right. And Courtney was right to call out the Rock Hall for its miserable lack of female inductees. Even so, if there’s one thing Courtney Love’s gonna do it’s Courtney Hate, so she also made sure to blast The Guardian for censoring her.