Movie Theaters Are Closing Because Of Coronavirus, But You Can Now Watch Multiple Razzie Award Winner “Cats” At Home
Anybody old enough to have been traumatized by that cough scene from 1995’s Outbreak, knows that a movie theater is the last place you want to go during a global pandemic. And according to Deadline, movie theaters know this too. As of today, the AMC theater chain (America’s largest) has closed all of its 630 locations for “at least six to 12 weeks,” “in compliance with local, state and federal directives and as a precaution to help ensure the health and safety of moviegoers and staff.” Regal theaters will also be closed “until further notice.” But don’t panic! You can now watch the six-time 2020 Golden Raspberry Award-winning film Cats, right from the discomfort of your own home! No need for your nightmares to travel in your brain all the from the theater to your bed! You can close your eyes as you’re watching, and let the strains of Jennifer Hudson sniffle-wailing her way through Memory, lull you into a hellscape only slightly less disturbing than the one we’re living in now!
The Carpool Karaoke starring Justin Bieber, which exposed James Corden as a fraudulent driver, finally aired. And in it, Justin doubled down on the ridiculous UFC challenge he talked about last year. Justin challenged King of Scientology, Tom Cruise, to a physical fight. It’s like Henery Hawk v. Henery Hawk (with alien powers) Well, Justin still thinks he can beat Tommy Cruise in a fight. Not on this Christian Earth!
The Visual Effects Society, the group of people who make special effects in movies, is not happy that everyone keeps blaming the $70 million bomb that is Cats on how shitty the pussies looked. I mean, other parts of it sucked too! So they have a point.
The nominations for the 2020 Golden Raspberry Awards have been announced, meaning that this year’s batch of unwatchable films and performances have been scooped and sifted from the litterbox and thrust back into the spotlight for one final evening before hopefully being flushed away forever.
To literally no one’s surprise, Cats led the nominations list, tying Rambo: Last Blood and A Madea Family Funeral, with eight disgraceful nods––guess those improved visual effects failed to disguise the fact that at the end of the day people were actually expected to pay money and enjoy watching a movie featuring an anaconda-less Jason Derulo, Taylor Swift (who didn’t even wear ONE beautiful gown) and a totally normal James Corden, in terrifying––and terrifyingly shitty––cat costumes.
Last week, James Corden was exposed as the fraud he is when it was revealed that he doesn’t actually drive the entire time during Carpool Karaoke. Which is shocking. Well, he addressed the scandal on The Late Late Show and he basically said, “Yeah bitch, are you surprised? We also film this show at 5:00 pm–nothing is real.”
Ronan Farrow is likely hanging his head in shame today. The most shocking story of 2020 has broken, and it wasn’t by Ronan driven by truth and justice. Although I’m sure Ronan had been compiling evidence for months on this subject. Sadly, he isn’t the person being celebrated for exposing the truth about James Corden and his Carpool Karaoke segment. Everything we know about Carpool Karaoke is a lie. Well, at least the carpool part. As it turns out, James doesn’t actually drive the car.