Open Post: Hosted By A Cop Not Noticing The Giant Spider Behind Him

/ October 21, 2018

“LOOK OUT, THERE’S A HUGE EFFING SPIDER BEHIND YOU, OFFICER CLUELESS!” is what you think the person in the car would have yelled to the cop. Or a passerby. Or some kid on a bike. But no, everyone let the poor cop remain unaware of the giant arachnid creeping around behind him. People are the worst. Come to think of it, the driver in the car probably thought they’d get out of the ticket if the cop got eaten so it’s not like they were going to say anything.

But, hah, it’s just an optical illusion. CBS 11 in Dallas-Ft. Worth reported on this dashcam footage of what looked like a mutant spider deciding whether or not to venomize this poor patrol officer. In actuality, the spider was crawling across his cop car’s camera and merely superimposed over the street view. Neat, huh? It’s just in time for Halloween!

Honestly, though, there are a few Massachusetts State Troopers whom I wouldn’t mind seeing, if not eaten, at least licked by a giant spider. “Yes, I was very much aware of how fast I was going, Officer Statie, I’m a Masshole. It’s how we drive. What? Oh no, I didn’t hear anything behind you. That’s just some particular energetic shrubbery…”

Pic: YouTube

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Amy Schumer Wants Maroon 5 To Cancel Their Super Bowl Halftime Performance

/ October 21, 2018

Amy Schumer has joined Rihanna‘s side for the fight that is “HELL NO Super Bowl LII”, sparking a celebrity boycotting of the sporting event. A few days ago RiRi reportedly turned down the chance to play at the Halftime show, citing her support of Colin Kaepernick as the reason. The NFL read her loud and clear, and ended up going with one of the most lukewarm bowls of uncontroversial musical oatmeal Maroon 5. Amy is not here for Maroon 5 or anyone else taking part in the fuckery that is the Super Bowl, so she’s calling on Adam Levine and others to join her in a boycott. Continue reading

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Kim Kardashian Says She’s Benefited From Her Husband Kanye West Being A Trump Supporter

/ October 21, 2018

The benefits are being outweighed by the reality here, Kimmy.

Vulture has bits of an interview Kim Kardashian did with Richardson magazine. In it, Kim claims that her husband Kanye West hugging up on our squatting orange toad of a president and spitting bars of ridiculousness in the Oval Office has benefited her. No, it’s not because Trump let Kanye redesign the nuclear button and Kim had some input (it now looks like two giant glistening honey-baked hams squished side by side and you end the world by fingering the b-hole). It’s because Kanye saying idiotic things about slavery, etc. got her an audience with Trump.

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Paula Abdul Fell Off The Stage Last Night

/ October 21, 2018

Last night, Paul Abdul was performing the second date on her Straight Up 2018 tour, when she fell off the stage and into the crowd right in the middle of warbling a song. Unfortunately, there were no reports that MC Skat Cat was there to catch her fall, but even though Paula got “Knocked Out” she managed to keep her “Crazy Cool” and the show went on once she decided to continue to “Dance Like There’s No Tomorrow” because she was feeling “Alright Tonight“. Ok, Ok, I know that was painful, but TMZ already took the obvious headline that Paula went “Straight Down“.

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Queen Latifah Is Allegedly Engaged To Her Alleged Partner Who Is Allegedly Pregnant

/ October 21, 2018

Radar (and several other blogs like LoveBScott, Madame Noire, and Ebony) are reporting that Queen Latifah’s supposed longtime partner, choreographer and former LA Lakers cheerleader Eboni Michaels is carrying their baby. Unless Eboni has decided to stay carrying her purse under her shirt, she’s definitely sporting curvature of the child in recent photos. In other big Latifah news, the alleged baby on the way might be headed off by a visit to the altar. Latifah and Eboni are also reportedly engaged.

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Selma Blair Has Multiple Sclerosis

/ October 21, 2018

In the horrible-news-from-the-cast-of-one-of-the-greatest-movies-ever-made-CruelIntentions category,46-year-old Selma Blair revealed that she has multiple sclerosis in an Instagram post yesterday. Blair wrote that she thinks she’s had it for FIFTEEN YEARS. Jesus Christ! Glad we pay those huge insurance premiums. *side-eye at the healthcare industry*

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