Ok, fair warning – the moment of impact isn’t shown by Inside Edition (via HuffPost). It’s understandable, because the victim of the Philly Phanatic’s hot dog blast is a lady who looks like everyone’s mom. If it was some just some 20-something douche, there would already be memes a’ plenty.
Kathy McVay was just sitting in the stands enjoying the game when she took a frank to the face shot from a hot dog-shaped cannon. (They don’t do stuff like this at Fenway Park. Normally, dudes just splash beer on each other and heckle the players. I think there’s a mascot?)
“It came down with such force, like a ton of bricks,” she told “Inside Edition.” “My glasses flew off, and I started bleeding.”
There are so many dick to face jokes here that shouldn’t be made at Kathy’s expense. Luckily, there was no concussion, but her face is going to be effed up-looking for a little while.
“Mostly, it’s going to get worse before it gets better,” she told WPVI-TV. “It’s going to go down the side of my face.”
And she has a good sense of humor.
“At least it’s funny,” McVay told NBC Philadelphia. “It’s a story I can tell people. My only thing is just to warn people just to be careful.”
Be careful of hot dogs shot at your face. Check. The Phillies apologized to Kathy and gave her free tickets to a future game. Hopefully, that came with a catcher’s mask specially designed to deflect meat.
If you woke up panicked this morning that your smoke alarm was going off, or that two angry alley cats were making sweet, angry alley cat love under your bedroom window: RELAX. It was just Sally Field scream-crying because Maria Shriver achieved what Sally could not: the successful pairing of her beloved offspring to a celebrity.
Oh, Miranda Hobbes. You were the unsung heroine and frequent possessor of the short end of the stick on the late, not-exactly-lamented-due-to-those-two-SHITTAY-movies Sex and the City. (Don’t give me that. That show had the best series finale in TV history. Everyone got a happy ending and Carrie got slapped. I kid! Sort of. There was absolutely no need for those flicks.) Seriously, Cynthia Nixon was the best actress on that show and she usually had to contend with storylines like dudes in sandwich costumes trying to fuck her.
Nevertheless, the acclaimed actress of stage and screen (who already had two kids) went on to become a wife (to a wife), had another kid, beat breast cancer, and is now running for governor of New York! One of Cynthia’s platforms is LGBTQ rights, and she celebrated her 21-year-old transgender son Seph’s (Samuel Joseph Mozes) graduation from the University of Chicago on Instagram.
Posting for Dlisted can often be an educational experience. Before my time here, concepts like lucite heels, the importance of the British Royals and dickmatization were all foreign to me (ok, that last one wasn’t).
As an example, the punctuation known as “question mark” settled upon my frontal lobe when the word “shiplap” came up in reference to former Fixer Upper hosts Chip Gaines, 43, and his possibly-unfamiliar-with-how-the-U.S.-legal-system-works wife Joanna Gaines, 39, having their fifth kid. The fuck is shiplap, I asked? And then I had to educate myself about distressed wood, picture frames that old-timey ship captains might like and really big clocks. And I learned that “shiplap” are those gray planks that have been out in the sun and then tortured by a sander for some rich asshole’s summer cottage. These two live on a dock near a fake eucalyptus grove, right? My education was furthered by learning the Joanna might be displeased with me being married to a large, hairy man who knows computers and likes showtunes and pizza. Well, eff these two and their ugly stuff!
By the way, Joanna had their fifth kid and it’s a boy, according to People. Gotta get the news in there somewhere. Toothy Chip announced the birth via Twitter Bird.
Hello, fellow Dlisted-ers! I’m Jovi, reporting from Seattle, WA. Where I spend most of my time staring at the mailbox waiting for a magical letter confirming that I am the dumpster lust baby conceived by Jerri Blank and Laird at the Flatpoint High “Make Out Dance.” The other 20 minutes of my day, I enjoy sitting on the front porch, critiquing the Grunge Revivalists that pass by, wiping away tears of nostalgia and sighing about how easy it is to buy pre-ripped jeans and flannel shirts now. We really had to thrift hard for that shit back in the day. Anyway, enough curmudgeonry, let the antics begin!
Poor Madonna has probably been feeling a bit “True Blue” lately, as she hasn’t had any viable press or felt “Cherished” since the Met Gala six weeks ago, so she decided to throw a little “Ray of Light” on herself (luckily, that’s all I’ve got). Well, Madge got the attention she craved this morning, but not entirely the kind she had in mind.
These two love-trolls. Yes, your instantaneous happiness and boundless enthusiasm for showing off your romance for the ages, while you publicly add block and upon block to your Jenga tower of bliss, irritates the cynical. Pete Davidson is a comedian, so he obviously likes to clown on people. And Ariana Grande licks donuts and hates America, which means she’s obviously down for psychologically torturing the masses. So why not keep tormenting the pessimists out there, right?
Please note that Jenga tower analogy… BECAUSE THIS WILL FALL. IT WILL FALL. Oh, and Ariana let it “slip” (*side-eye*) that Pete’s two inches short of a foot in the pants area. By that, I mean she’s claiming he’s got a ten inch cock. Cut to Michael K adjusting his new high ponytail weave and donning a big sweatshirt with no pants, in order to replace Ariana in Pete’s
crotch heart! Continue reading