A Coked Out Charlie Sheen Allegedly Pulled A Knife On His Dentist (UPDATE)

October 2, 2014 / Posted by:

UPDATE: Now TMZ is saying that the LAPD talked to Charlie’s dentist and the dentist’s story is totally different from his technician’s story. Charges probably won’t be pressed. Charlie’s rep says that he wasn’t high on “rock cocaine,” but he did have a freak out in the chair. Charlie’s on pain meds for a shoulder injury and his meds mixed with nitrous made his body flail around. He knocked a tray over but didn’t slap anyone. Charlie’s rep says the technician is getting revenge on him because she was fired on Friday for violating HIPPA laws by telling her son that Charlie was in the office. That info somehow got back to Charlie and the dentist fired her. This story still doesn’t make sense, but it’s Charlie Sheen we’re talking about. It might seem a little excessive that she was fired for telling a family member that Charlie Sheen was in the office, but maybe it wasn’t, because her son could’ve definitely sold that info since Charlie Sheen going to an actual dentist to have his nasty teeth worked on IS breaking news. Now here’s the original story:

I know, I’m surprised the dentist didn’t pull a knife on him first. If Charlie Sheen opened his crusty mouth hole in front of you, you’d reach for something sharp, because his breath probably smells like the inside of a hobo’s ass and you never know what kind of mutated gingivitis creature is going to jump out at you.

TMZ says that the LAPD is investigating a situation that went down at Charlie Sheen’s dentist’s office last Thursday. Just like most of us, Charlie “allegedly” did rock cocaine before going to the dentist (HA at me typing “allegedly“), because a visit with the dentist is way more tolerable when you’re cracked out. Charlie was at the dentist to get an abscess removed. Charlie IS an abscess but that’s besides the point. The dental technician told police that while administering him with nitrous oxide, he went crazy and slapped her. The technician left the room as Charlie’s bodyguards went in. Charlie’s dentist and oral surgeon were in the room with his bodyguard. She heard a bunch of chaos before the dentist came out of the room and told her that the formerly winning, tiger-blooded warlock pulled a knife on his ass and went after him. Maybe in his coke rock and nitrous-induced haze, Charlie thought his dentist was Brooke Mueller? If you’re thinking that the fighting skills of a cracked out warlock on nitrous oxide can’t be that great, you’re right. The dentist wasn’t hurt.

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A Lawyer For Several Celebrities Involved In The Fappening Is Threatening To Sue Google For $100 Million

October 2, 2014 / Posted by:

The Fappening is still happening. Nearly every weekend, a new batch of freshly-baked stolen nipple pics are pulled from the oven of the internet and posted online for weirdos and not-rights to rub their dicks to until the next batch appears a week later. So far, those crafty cloud hackers show no sign of stopping, and Apple has pretty much pulled a Shaggy “It wasn’t me” by denying that the cloud is about as secure as an actual cloud. So who is left to blame? According to Lawyer-To-The-STAHS Marty Singer, that would be Google.

Page Six says that Marty, who represents over a dozen of the women in the hacked photos, claims Google is making millions off advertising revenue off the nude pics and they need to PAY UP. So Marty wrote a stern letter and sent it to Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, as well as executive chairman of Google Eric Schmidt, accusing them of “making millions and profiting from the victimization of women” and warning them that if they don’t delete every last nipple pic off the internet, he’s prepared to sue them for $100 million. He also compares Google to the NFL:

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

October 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Tony Terry, the crooning R&B Gumby from the late 80s and 90s!

Whenever a Robin Thicke song hits your ears for whatever reason (example of a reason: you’re in the waiting room at the free clinic where they only play Robin Thicke, Nickelback and John Mayer), you should think to yourself, “Where is a Tony Terry song when I really need one?” Today’s R&B gives you Robin Thicke and yesterday’s R&B gave you the smooth stylings of Tony Terry. What crimes did we commit as a people from the 80s to now to deserve that punishment?!

Back then, Tony Terry had the looks of an 80s smooth rat (aka Pharrell’s inspiration), hair like a Yellow Pages Christopher “Kid” Reid impersonator and he dressed like a really creative business woman who dressed up her Charlotte Russe business suits by Super Gluing buttons to their lapels (see: look above). Tony Terry had a few hits in the late 80s and his biggest hit came in 1990 with “With You.” “With Youwas produced by Anita Baker and Blair Underwood directed the video and also had a cameo in it. Get into the emotion as Tony Terry fills your ear tunnels with liquid velvet. The smoke, the horizontal blind shadows, that sleeveless sequined hoody (Kanye wants that in his closet NOW)…. This will do things to you:

Sadly, Tony Terry retired that beyond sexy sequined hoody and he shaved that exquisite hair brick off of his head, but he still makes music today. Side note: I feel a personal connection to Tony Terry, because I once worked in an office where the biggest gossips were these two ladies from accounts payable and their names were Toni and Terry.

Sometimes a YouTube commenter puts it best and this is definitely one of those times. A YT commenter described the glory of Tony Terry like this:

Lookin like a black Thundercat singing a R&B song with a cameo haircut..wow, just wow

“Just wow” is right.

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Birthday Sluts

October 2, 2014 / Posted by:

Sting (63)
Samantha Barks (24)
Kristina and Karissa Shannon (25)
Dia Frampton (27)
Camilla Belle (28)
The Obama Girl (32)
Ayumi Hamasaki (36)
Mandisa (38)
Efren Ramirez (41)
Lene of Aqua (41)
Tiffany (43)
Kelly Ripa (44)
Maribel Verdú (44)
Gillian Welch (47)
Philip Oakey (59)
Lorraine Braco (60)
Annie Leibovitz (65)
Donna Karan (66)
Avery Brooks (66)
Don Mclean (69)
Rex Reed (76)

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Jackie And Kelso’s Baby Is Finally Here

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

It felt like Mila Kunis was doing it Jessica Simpson style and was entering her 9th trimester, because it feels like I spent a piece of my 2013 and all of my 2014 looking at pictures of her carrying around a huge bundle of baby while looking absolutely miserable. I figured that her baby was stalling, because kid wasn’t ready to fully deal with the fact that their biological father wears outfits like that on a day that isn’t October 31st. But yesterday, baby said “fuck it” and came out.

TMZ says that early yesterday morning, Mila and Ashton Kutcher checked into Cedars-Sinai in L.A. Mila gave birth to a girl sometime yesterday Even though it felt like we were days away from seeing a 2-year-old’s leg hanging out of Mila’s cooch, TMZ says she delivered right on schedule. TMZ didn’t tell us anymore details like what their daughter’s name is (I’m going with Jacqueline Kelso Kunis Kutcher, JKKK for short), how much does their baby weigh (because this is REALLY important) and how many nurses did Ashton eye fuck.

Meanwhile, as Ashton’s brand new baby barfed on him for the first time as he rocked her to sleep, Demi Moore was in Costa Rica somewhere wiping vomit off of her dress after her barely legal boy toy drunkenly yacked on her while she gave him a lap dance to a Pitbull song at a club. United in baby barf. And I really hope Mila teaches her daughter Russian. Because if she does, that kid will sound really badass when she curses her daddy out in Russian after catching him sucking the nanny’s face in the laundry room.

Pic: Getty

Night Crumbs

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Wannabe model and former country star Taylor Swift is in British Vogue looking like Anybodys from West Side Story if Anybodys went to Sweet Valley HighLainey Gossip 

The new Real Housewives of Atlanta trailer is pure messiness from Mama Joyce talking about slapping Todd’s mom to Apollo coming at Phaedra Parks in the garage – Reality Tea

Emily Ratatattat says she’s a feminist, because her publicist told her to say she’s a feminist since “feminist” is the buzz word of choice amongst Hollywood types nowadays – Celebitchy

Lizzy Caplan and her Joan Crawford lite eyebrow situation in Elle CanadaDrunken Stepfather

Diddy says JLo’s ass is a work of art and her “talent” will go down in history. In possibly related news, scientists have just announced that massive amounts of Ciroc consumption causes brain damage – The Superficial

Hugh JackMeOff and Nigel Barker grab their dude parts in the name of charity – Towleroad

Lacey Chabert explains why she left Family Guy, a million years after the fact – WWTDD

Okay, but why is Rachel Bilson wearing my abuelita’s house cleaning dress from Tijuana? – Popoholic

Jessica Simpson should dock her husband/purse holder’s pay, because he’s not holding her purse in these pictures – Hollywood Tuna

A couple spent $30,000 on sex dolls they have threesomes with. That’s nice and everything, but why do those sex dolls look like if they could blink, they’d blink “HELP” in morse code – Jezebel

After looking at Kim Kardashian’s swiss cheese camel toe, I may never enjoy a Croque Monsieur again – ICYDK

Mary-Louise Parker is writing a tell-all about the dudes in her life and expect many wonderful chapters about how noted asshole Billy Crudup dumped her for Claire Danes while their baby grew in her body – Pajiba

One Matt Boner nipple and an order of Joe ManJello side tit coming up – Just Jared

Nick Jonas flaunts his hairy cum gutters in FlauntOMG Blog

Borat is going to be a father again – Popsugar

And yes, some gross fuck will definitely find a way to fap through American Horror Story: Freak Show’s opening credits – HuffPo

Please tell me they’re going to replace Alyssa Milano with Shannen Doherty on MistressesSOW

Taylor Swift sings an Adele song with help from a patient with leukemia – The Berry

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Open Post: Hosted By The Hot Pink Goddess Of L.A.

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Now I know how Brad Pitt feels. I feel like the richest man alive after inhaling this luxurious hot pink opulence.

The angelic hybrid of a Japanese Chin from the royal court and a Lil’ Miss Makeup doll made everyone cough up pink glitter in West Hollywood yesterday when she strolled into Trader Joe’s while wearing a hot pink crushed velvet dress and a flamingo’s pube bush stuck in her hair. I was born in California, grew up in California and have lived in California for most of my life, but I won’t feel like a real citizen of Los Angeles until I’ve witnessed Angelyne teeter on her cork wedges while carrying a box of Two-Buck-Chuck to her Corvette.

I have a Google Alert on Angelyne (because it is the law in California) and an article about these pictures from a Finnish site came up this morning. I really wanted to know what the Finnish media had to say about the pink star of Hollywood and so I passed the article through the 100% accurate translating program Google Translate and this is what came out:

All pissisten mother playfully appointed Angelyne is a familiar sight in Beverly Hills, and the paparazzi bongaavat from time to time from the street arrogant hairstyle to have pakkelikasvon roiskeläppähameessaan . Lady cause plenty of opinions both for and against .

Yesterday Angelyne happened to the paparazzi -term Entering the Trader Joesille in West Hollywood. As usual, Angelyne was dressed really räväkästi .

The 1980s, millions of men in order to become a symbol of Angelyne often occur in public places outfits , which even Lady Gaga could be openly jealous. Female became famous mainostettuaan themselves in large advertisements in Hollywood. Angelyne has starred as himself several reality shows, and also received a few minor actor roles. He is best known today that Madame has conducted himself too many plastic surgery.

That is the truest article about Angelyne I’ve ever read. Lady DOES cause plenty of opinions and is always dressed really räväkästi. But I do disagree with them about one thing. Madame has not conducted himself too many plastic surgery. Madame hasn’t conducted any plastic surgery. Madame is a natural beauty!

Pics: Splash

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Being A Father Makes Brad Pitt, A Rich Man, Feel Like The Richest Man Alive

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

I see Psychologies Magazine subtly coming at newlywed Brad Pitt by putting that “Why do you really want to get married?” cover line next to him.

In case you didn’t already know, Brad Pitt and St. Angie Jolie have kids. Like some people who have kids, they love their kids and really, really, REALLY, really love talking about how much they love their kids. Brangie is that bitch on Facebook who posts cheesy open poems to their baby who can’t read yet and always goes on about how they’re thinking of having their angel son’s DNA tested because they’re beginning to think he’s the biological child of the sun, moon and stars. But since St. Angie and Brad aren’t on Facebook (that us peons know of)  they have to drool about being parents during interviews. The world is their Facebook.

While talking to Psychologies Magazine (via E! News) about his new movie Fury, Brad Pitt dribbled out verbal streams of syrupy love about being a father.

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Two Of Justin Bieber’s Former Toddler-Faced Diaper Changers Hung Out At Paris Fashion Week

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Paris Fashion Week is happening right now (RIGHT NOW! GET IN THE CHOPPAH!), which means that lots of famous hos have flown to France for the week. Obviously when there are that many famous people in one place, you’re bound to bump into someone you share a penis ride or two with. For example, the most common words spoken backstage at every fashion show are “You let Leo DiCaprio drunk-bang you on a yacht too?” And sometimes if you’re really lucky, there’s a photographer close by to capture the awkward moment two side-pieces are forced to pretend they don’t totally hate each other’s guts. Like on Wednesday, when toddler-faced panty model Miranda Kerr ran into toddler-faced singer Selena Gomez at the Louis Vuitton show. It’s like the basic bitch fetus-faced version of “The Boy Is Mine“!

In case you’ve forgotten, shit is toddler-tense because Miranda once maybe-humped on come-to-life teen ‘stache Justin Bieber while he was maybe still with Selena, so she decided to get revenge by maybe-humping on Miranda’s ex-husband Orlando Bloom. Then Orlando tried to fight Justin at a club in Ibiza. Basically it was a four-way loser square of losers (especially Orlando, who should have gone into witness protection after getting involved with this trash). But just like every bad decision that comes back to haunt your ass, Justin and Orlando’s former drama-starting side-pieces crossed paths in Paris. And God sent us an angel from Heaven to capture it forever, because God is clearly real and loves us very much. The only thing that would have been better is if Justin (who is in Paris right now) had been at the Louis Vuitton show too, but he was too busy punching paps like the spoiled baby shitbag he is.

Besides, he probably would have been too smitten with the toddler-face in the middle (aka Odeya Rush from The Giver) to even notice Miranda and Selena. “Scooter! Bring my Power Wheels around to the front of the hotel and have the good people at Charles E. Fromage prepare my table with their most expensive bottle of sparkling grape juice. I believe I’ve found a new fetus-faced angel to woo.”

Here’s more of Selena and Miranda before their show-down at the LV show:

Pics: Getty, Splash

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