Open Post: Hosted By A Dad Carrying His Stubborn Child Like A Duffel Bag

/ November 18, 2018

I’m not a parent but I am a pretty hands-on uncle. (That might have come out wrong.) So I’ve witnessed many, many Trump-like tantrums and stone cold “I ain’t movin'” protests from toddlers on up. They’re the worst but the worstest is when a kid just goes limp and lifeless onto the ground and refuses to get up. That particular move is the devil. My mother once needed strangers to help her pick her grandchild up off the floor of Target due to a Paw Patrol action figure incident and my nephew somehow increasing the earth’s gravitational pull. That’s why, in this video, the dad is a child-rearing genius. He just picks the kid up like a duffel bag!

Two-year-old Juliette decided she’d had enough of physical exertion for the day and laid down in the driveway, refusing to budge. That didn’t faze Juliette’s dad. Our new Dr. Spock just used her coat as a handle and carted her on in like the rest of the shopping. Juliette didn’t seem fazed either. One gets the impression that Juliette might be carried around like that a lot. Fight the power, Juliette.

Pic: YouTube

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Gwyneth Paltrow Called Out Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin For TMI

/ November 18, 2018

Sales of potentially dangerous jade genital eggs on GOOP must be at an all-time low, because Gwyneth Paltrow is commenting on Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin’s social media behavior. That’s one way to get some press and maybe stir up sales of overpriced elitist crap. But she’s barking up the wrong social media account. The kids that follow these two can’t afford to spend $795 on a sweater! According to tooFab, Goopy is in agreement with many of us who feel that Terror Toddler and his wife are sharing too much on social media. It’s just that it’s Gwyneth and, speaking of oversharing, didn’t she share her tips for steam-pressing your vagina? Next!

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Dear Bill Maher, You’re An Asshole. Love, Adults Who Read Comic Books.

/ November 18, 2018

Oh, that Bill Maher. He’s gone and done it now. The man who didn’t understand that using the n-word in jest was super-problematic wrote a blog post pissing on comic book fans for overly mourning the passing of Marvel Comics icon Stan Lee. He also insinuated that adults who read comic books are maturity-challenged losers who refuse to grow up. Well, that mouthy bastard has gone and pissed off geeks. That’s one segment of the population that you don’t want on your ass. The evil ones among us chase celebrities off of social media, topple movies by messing with their Rotten Tomatoes score, and will come to your house to protest while cosplaying Zatanna from Justice League. Your quaint little talking heads whinefest will be a smoking hole in the ground, hunty. Now, if you’ll pardon me, I need to squeeze into my Zatanna costume and go protest on Bill’s lawn.

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Jessica Chastain Had A Baby Via Surrogate

/ November 18, 2018

It occurred to me to write some shady shit about Jessica Chastain in hopes that she’d drop some ducats on me as she does for other complainants who come for her. She’s got people skills, huh? Ms. Chastain is a wily sort, cement in her principles minus the occasional choice of director misstep, and has an answer for any accusation thrown at her. Her new baby will probably end up running whatever corporation actually rules our county when she grows up. She probably came equipped with the perfect eye roll to throw at lazy people, too. Jessica, 41, and her husband Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo, 35, had a baby girl via surrogate, as reported by Page Six. Continue reading

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

/ November 18, 2018

Rhinestone Pigeon!

Fallen Feathers, a bird shelter in Peoria, AZ has put out a call to the owner of an opulent creature of feathery glamour who was found at an intersection while wearing an ultra luxurious rhinestone-encrusted vest. When a pigeon in some rhinestone cowboy luxuriousness flies into your life, you should immediately offer it champagne and caviar (or Sprite with white wine and boiled eggs if you’re a poor peasant) since it obviously prefers the finer things in life and is a creature of refinement. But when a pigeon in a rhinestone vest was found at an intersection Glendale, AZ, he was taken to the Fallen Feathers bird shelter where he’s living now. I hope that Fallen Feathers has a cashmere-wrapped gold perching rod on hand, because Rhinestone Pigeon’s delicate feets deserve to touch nothing less.

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Birthday Sluts

/ November 18, 2018
Mickey Mouse (90)
Noah Ringer (22)
Nathan Kress (26)
Georgia King (32)
Christian Siriano (33)
Johnny Christ (34)
Damon Wayans, Jr. (36)
Nasim Pedrad (37)
Nate Parker (39)
Fabolous (41)
Chloe Sevigny (44)
Peta Wilson (48)
Mike Epps (48)
Megyn Kelly (48)
Duncan Sheik (49)
Daphne Rubin-Vega (49)

Pic: Disney

Owen Wilson (50)
Romany Malco (50)
Kirk Hammett (56)
Rick Owens (56)
Elizabeth Perkins (57)
Kim Wilde (58)
Oscar Nuñez (60)
Kevin Nealon (65)
Delroy Lindo (66)
Andrea Marcovicci (70)
Linda Evans (76)
Susan Sullivan (76)
Margaret Atwood (79)
Amanda Lear (79)
Brenda Vaccaro (79)
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