Ancient talking head Larry King, 82, and his Nancy Reagan’s secret lovechild with the dummy from Dead Silence-looking wife Shawn King, 56, are once again in the new due to an alleged affair she had. The couple did a TV interview together this past week to dispel the rumors that their marriage is verging on code black (again). People reports that Larry’s kids weren’t feeling the interview, and think that Shawn’s Botox usage has activated mutant powers of mind control within her, and she’s using them to overtake Larry’s brain. Either that or Larry was like, “Let’s just do the damn interview because I’m old and don’t need the world’s guff and there’s no way Shawn’s gettin’ my CNN money!”
The song and video that started the most important and future-scorching clash of pop stars in the 21st century so far is also an art exhibit. Kanye West has displayed those nude, night terror-inducing celebrity figures from the video for “Famous” at a “secret art exhibition” somewhere in Los Angeles. A blonde Kim Kardashian-West attended the show yesterday, along with the one with the modeling career that has nothing to do with nepotism. Kanye was there, too. On a video monitor that he was operating by remote control so he could chat about himself on two coasts at once. In the video on TMZ, it looks like, wait, is it moving? No. NO. Imagine a video Yeezus rolling up at you to complain about how the whore derves look over Skype? *shiver* He’s in NYC to perform his top-secret free-for-all shitshow at the VMAs tomorrow night, but his ego is far too bloated to let Kimmy have all the press at HIS exhibition.
Princess, the Finders Keypers swan!
The toy artistes of the 80s did not mess around and gave the children (and future ravers) a toy for everything. They’d drop acid, scan their office for ideas, spot a lockbox transforming into a pastel pink snail going to an old-timey Easter party and say, “That’s our next hit!” Finders Keypers (also just called “Keypers“) were the 80s version of piggy banks. They were a line of plastic toys that had hot new wave hairstyles and a secret compartment for kids to hide all of their most prized valuables and heirlooms (Sweet Secrets, Tinkerbell nail polish, necklace charms, the baby from The Heart Family, etc…). ADT must have been a consultant on Finders Keypers, because you could lock up your valuables with a key. You know that all of Lindsay Lohan’s little friends had one and would look up their shit before she came over for a playdate.
The adult Keypers had a big compartment with a key, and their baby had a slit in their body for kids to put coins in. Each Keyper came with a “Finder,” which was a tiny flashlight to help kids find their lost stuff. Here’s the Keypers in action, and HAHA at that little thief’s robbery plot getting foiled!
Below are just a few pictures of some Keypers, but the most glamorous of them was today’s HSOTD Princess. She was a swan who had a stream of luscious pink polyester hair flowing out of her head and an opulent plastic crown. Princess was more secure than Fort Knox, because every time a shameless thief tried to break into her, they would find themselves hypnotized by her glamour, which would cause them to fumble while trying to pick her lock and they’d just give up.
Tom Ford (55)
Blake Jenner (24)
Alexa PenaVega (28)
Kayla Ewell (31)
Sugar Lyn Beard (35)
Demetria McKinney (37)
Aaron Paul (37)
Sarah Chalke (40)
Jonny Moseley (41)
The Great Khali (44)
Mike Smith (44)
Leanna Creel (46)
Colt Ford (46)
Cesar Milan (47)
Chandra Wilson (47)
Bobo of Cypress Hill (48)
Yolanda Adams (55)
Downtown Julie Brown (53)
Diana Scarwid (61)
Peter Stormare (63)
Paul Reubens (64)
Barbara Bach (69)
Tuesday Weld (73)
Daryl Dragon (The Captain from Captain & Tennille) (74)
RiRi is getting the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award at the MTV VMAs on Sunday, and so she’s performing, of course. The show’s executive producer says that RiRi’s performance will be one of those “holy crap” moments in VMAs history. Since they’re all trying to out-edgy each other at the VMAs, I’m going to assume that RiRi is literally going to crap on a crucifix during her performance. – Lainey Gossip
Jessica Alba hit the stroll in a vintage Wilson’s Leather dress circa 1990 – Egotastic!
Courtney Stodden is like the living embodiment of every TLC show at this point – The Superficial
Every one of Pimp Mama Kris’ kin says the opposite of the truth, so when Kylie Jenner said that she didn’t get a tit job, she really meant that she got a tit job – Celebitchy
A Victoria’s Secret model went topless on a yacht, and Leonardo DiCatchAHo was nowhere to be seen. Weird, I know – Drunken Stepfather
Pedro Almodovar should’ve directed Brokeback Mountain – Towleroad
The dude behind Taylor Swift just killed someone, or is about to, or both – WWTDD
Clearly, one of the paps farted in front of Vanessa Hudgens – Popoholic
Teen Mom Jenelle tried to explain the timeline of the making of her latest baby – Starcasm
Richard Branson almost died – Just Jared
Today’s lot lizard chic moment is provided by Pixie Lott – Hollywood Tuna
Wheelchair Jimmy is really coochmatized – Popsugar
My teen self who listened to Loveline religiously in the 90s is weeping over what a mess Dr. Drew is now – Jezebel
I know that today is technically National Dog Day and World Elephant Day is a long time away, but who cares, just celebrate early with these GIFs – Pajiba
Weekend programming note: J. Harvey is out on Sunday (he has to go to church, obviously), so Allison and I will be covering for him.