I guess all that Tebowing and praying has paid off because, while he still may not be in the major leagues of sports, Tim Tebow sure is hitting the home runs in the lady department. The preying mantis (OK, I’ll stop) is now blabbing about dating Miss Universe 2017, saying “blessed” so much, I almost forgot I was reading an article and just thought I was overhearing employees at Chick-fil-A. Continue reading
This call is going to go down right after I press the publish button on this post:
911 operator: 911, what’s your emergency?
Old hysterical gay: QUICK! Send every police officer, firefighter, FBI agent, SWAT team member, Avenger, Justice League-er, Officer Poncho, Angela Bassett’s 9-1-1 character, and the 80s She-Ra to Netflix and Dreamsworks studio to arrest everybody in those buildings for their roles in butchering and slaughtering one of the most glamorous beings of the 80s cartoon universe and her friends!
911 operator: Oh, it’s that old hysterical gay again. Sir, when you hung up with me, did you call again hoping you’d get a different operator? Did the men in white coats I sent over to your house not show up yet?
When I heard that Netflix and Dreamworks Animation were joining forces to bring She-Ra into the now, I put my hand on my DVD copy of the She-Ra and He-Man Christmas special (aka my bible) and prayed to the gods above to not let them mess it up. Well, the gods above confirmed they hate me this morning when I didn’t wake up with a naked Alexander Skarsgard on my face (something I asked for last night, they are so rude). And they really confirmed they hate me when Netflix released the first official pictures of the new She-Ra. Those butcherers turned She-Ra and Catra into Fetus-Ra and Kittenra.
It’s no secret that James Woods loves running his mouth off on Twitter (it’s how he recently found himself without an agent). He also loves Donald Trump. So James was very upset when the people of London, England greeted Trump with a giant orange baby balloon on Friday. Lawyer for Stormy Daniels, enemy of Trump, and the internet’s favorite legal hunk Michael Avenatti happened to be in London during Trump’s visit and spoke live with BBC News. I would have figured that James Woods was the type who owned a special TV that played only Fox News and The Hard Way, but apparently James also gets BBC News.
I guess hell hath no fury like a British morning radio DJ relegated to the afternoon. Nick Grimshaw may not be a household name to everyone in the U.S., but for those of us whose idea of fine literature is a litany of subscriptions to British gay magazines (hypothetically speaking, of course), he’s mother England’s gay version of Carson Daly, focusing only on Top 40 songs and feigning interest in what Rihanna puts on her bagel in the morning during an interview just so she’ll grant an exclusive debut of her 900th single in two weeks.
I guess Nick’s tenure of The Radio 1 Breakfast Show for BBC Radio 1 has been notable for scaring viewers away because they moved him to an afternoon show. He was interviewed about the perceived slight, which is pretty amazing since a scorned gay with no fucks to give might be the worst thing to happen to a celebrity’s image – in this case, Angelina Jolie and Will Smith! Continue reading
When Forbes said that Kylie Jenner could potentially be the youngest self-made billionaire last week, a whole lot were made. “Self-made” would imply that Kylie hoisted herself up by the straps of her $1600 Balmain boots to start an almost-billion dollar cosmetics empire. The reality is that Kylie most likely had more help than her lips.
Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner would disagree. According to them, Kylie totally made it on her own and it had nothing to do with her famous last name or siblings.
One second after that picture was taken, there were no lemons on that tree and the basket was filled with nothing but lemon bits and juice because they all busted from being so close to the goth sexiness of Cher!
The London premiere of Mamma Mia! Here We Go Making An Unneeded Sequel For A Check went down today, and while one of the movie’s main stars, Lily James, wore a damn ball gown (somebody tell her she ain’t Cinderella for real), the REAL star of the movie, Cher, didn’t even try, because she doesn’t need to. She’s Cher, bitch! (copyright: Chad Michaels) While looking like Kat Von D’s dream wedding officiant, Cher proved to the young hos that she doesn’t need to put on some brand new couture gown to kill bitches. Cher pulled one of her old Witches of Eastwick costumes out of storage, dusted it off a bit and threw it on her body as her hair people took the Hot Sticks out of her mane. And even while working an old rag, Cher still outshined them all.
I mean, even Meryl Streep knew that there’s no point in even trying when Cher’s going to be there, which is why she dressed like a late-80s New England high school substitute drama teacher. But then again even if Cher wasn’t there, Meryl would still have dressed like a late-80s New England high school substitute drama teacher.