Birthday Sluts

February 25, 2018 / Posted by:

A post shared by Carrot Top (@carrottoplive) on

Carrot Top (53)
Isabelle Fuhrman (21)
Oliver & James Phelps (32)
Lovefoxxx (34)
Kimberly Caldwell (36)
Maria Kanellis (36)
Bert McCracken (36)
Rashida Jones (42)
Chelsea Handler (43)
Julio Iglesias Jr. (45)
Anson Mount (45)
Kaskade (46)
Sean Astin (47)
Daniel Powter (47)
Alexis Denisof (52)
Tea Leoni (52)
Nancy O’Dell (52)
Veronica Webb (53)
Lee Evans (54)
Neil Jordan (68)
Ric Flair (69)
Jack Handey (69)
Karen Grassle (76)
Sally Jessy Raphael (82)
George Harrison (1943-2001)

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Open Post: Hosted By KFC’s “FCK” Bucket

February 24, 2018 / Posted by:

Heh. That’s funny. Ugh, it’s sort of a guilty feeling when a brand makes you chuckle with their marketing, huh? To stop finding it funny, just visualize that urban legend about KFC’s “chicken” actually coming from science-spewed, eight-legged mutant animals. Worked, huh? The Huffington Post presented KFC’s apology to the UK for their chicken shortage this week. They took out this full page ad featuring their rueful “FCK” bucket in all of the major newspapers.

Some angry customers reportedly went as far as calling the police (?!?) and even threatening to go to Burger King!

That says something about how mad this lady was because BK has that freaky puppet man with the king head as its mascot. I’d take Reba McEntire in drag as the Colonel any day over that chilling monster that probably spends its nights covered in blood that is not its own.

Pic: Twitter

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Josh Duhamel Has Apparently Moved On To Eiza González After Splitting Up From Fergie 

February 24, 2018 / Posted by:

One person who wasn’t spending time reading all of the think piece posts hating (most of them) on artistic trailblazer Fergie’s “sexy jazz”(?) rendition of the National Anthem? Her ex Josh Duhamel. Josh and his graying temples have already moved on. UsWeekly says that the Unsolved: The Murders of Tupac and Biggie dude is dating actress Eiza González (who was in Baby Driver).

One of those exclusive-type sources says that Josh (who will always be Leo who fell over the waterfall and out of Greenlee’s life forever on All My Children to me…I have a life…I swear… it’s around here somewhere) and Eiza have been “quietly dating” for a couple of weeks. They reportedly met at a party after Jennifer Lopez’s pre-Superbowl concert on Feb 3. 45-year-old Josh and 28-year-old Eiza, who was previously linked with Liam Hemsworth, really hit it off.

“They drank and partied together until very late,” the insider says. “After, Josh reached out to a mutual friend and asked for Eiza’s number.”

So far, though, most of their dates have been via smartphone.

“They definitely have a connection because they’ve been FaceTiming and texting nonstop while she’s been in England working,” the insider tells Us. “They’re keeping it on the down-low. He’s telling her he’s never met anyone like her before.”

Oh, that’s what they all say! Don’t fall for that, Eiza! Guys who say that are either sociopaths or they have secret wives. Either that or one of their PR flacks who was posing as the source needs to be fired or perhaps take a writing class or two. (Don’t think I don’t hear you muttering “speaking of writing courses, J. Harvey…,” you in the back!)

Pics: WENN

Ryan Lochte Has Met His Match

February 24, 2018 / Posted by:

Most of the athletes at this year’s Winter Olympics in PyeongChang are there to use every bit of their strength, stamina, and skill to bring a medal home to their respective countries. And some are there cuz’ it’s sort of like Spring Break except it’s in the winter. In South Korea. At the Olympics. But, like Dave Duncan’s fellow Olympic doofus Ryan Lochte always says – “JEAH!” Or something.

Canadian ski-crosser Dave Duncan is upholding the tradition of at least one athlete per Olympic Games acting the fool and getting caught. At least doping is sort of a quiet scandal. Teaming up with your wife and manager to steal a car to go for a drunken joyride at the Olympics is SCREAMING to the world that you lit all of your fucks on fire with the Olympic torch. Hopefully he can blame this on the police like his spiritual predecessor.

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Emily Ratajowski Got Married To Her Boyfriend Of A Few Weeks

February 24, 2018 / Posted by:

There isn’t a better picture of two people thinking “WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO?!?” at the exact same moment. Model Emily Ratajowski, 26 (she’s the one in the evil preacher hat and veil) married actor/producer Sebastian Bear-McClard (oh, lordy at that name) at City Hall in NYC on Friday. They’ve only been together for a few weeks, according to People. Now that’s love. Or a pregnancy cuz’ one of them is traditional. Or enough champagne and whatever-illicit-substance-you’ve-been-using-together cocktails to make you believe marrying someone you just banged is a super good idea. Hopefully she directed her two guests to donate to her Go Fund Me page so she can get that career-saving breast reduction. Continue reading

Hot Slut Of The Day!

February 24, 2018 / Posted by:

The peaceful pink tulip who delicately bloomed on the ice after the men’s 1,000-meter speed skating event in PyeongChang on Friday!

Hmmm, I thought that 15-year-old Russian girl won the gold medal in women’s figure skating at the Olympics” is what you probably said to yourself after your eyes were gracefully brushed by the exquisite vision of a peaceful, love-spreading topless bearded ice dove in a monkey face dick pouch and pink tutu. But believe it or not, that tender winter pussy willow isn’t a gold medal-winning figure skater who makes it impossible for the judges to score him because they constantly get the stage 10 vapors and pass out every time he twirls. He’s a stage crasher who won the gold medal in attention whoring on Friday.

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