Birthday Sluts

/ April 18, 2019
David Tennant (48)
Moisés Arias (25)
Nathan Sykes (26)
Chloe Bennet (27)
Britt Robertson (29)
Alia Shawkat (30)
Samantha Jade (32)
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (32)
America Ferrera (35)
Reeve Carney (36)
Kourtney Kardashian (40)
Bryce Johnson (42)
Melissa Joan Hart (43)
Edgar Wright (45)

Pic: Disney

Eli Roth (47)
Maria Bello (52)
Eric McCormack (56)
Conan O’Brien (56)
Jeff Dunham (57)
Jane Leeves (58)
Eric Roberts (63)
Melody Thomas Scott (63)
Rick Moranis (66)
Kenny Ortega (69)
Dorothy Lyman (72)
James Woods (72)
Hayley Mills (73)
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Night Crumbs

/ April 17, 2019

Time put out their 100 Most Influential People list and it includes The Rock, Chrissy Teigen, Gayle King, and Taylor Swift who is on one of the covers giving you, “Are you there God, it’s me – oh yeah, you know who I am. EVERYONE knows who I am.” And to answer your question, no, Gritty did not make the list, which means Time’s list is totally invalid. (insert whatever the fuck Gritty is) are people too! – Lainey Gossip

Filming on Birds of Prey has ended, which means that Party City sales are going to plummet since that’s obviously where the movie’s costumer designer got all the outfits from – Popoholic

Oh, I see Chucky got his eyes done and his brows plucked – Pajiba

Here’s Gigi Hadid getting upstaged by pool floaties – Drunken Stepfather

Jussie Smollett has been taken out of the Broadway revival of Take Me Out Towleroad

I’m pretty sure nobody’s going to be caring about an ugly perfume or an album while they’re jizzing over the new Avengers movie, which comes out on the same day – Celebitchy

And yet, I still would – The Blemish

If what you needed today was some shirtless Terry Crews in a white speedo on top of a floating piece of pizza, here you go! – Just Jared

Pic: Time

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Disney Adds $5 Million To The Notre Dame Rebuild Fund

/ April 17, 2019

The Hollywood Reporter says that Disney is already planning the live-action Hunchback of Notre Dame movie. JK, no they aren’t, it’s way too soon–but they are donating $5 million towards the fund set up to rebuild the iconic Notre Dame after it was severely damaged in a fire. I see what you’re doing here: start working on the script and pre-production and then once the church is rebuilt you swoop in and start filming. I see you, Disney.

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Duchess Meghan And Prince Hot Ginge Are Apparently Open To Hiring An American Manny (Yes, I’m Writing This While On An Emergency Flight To England) 

/ April 17, 2019

When I showed this story from The Mirror to the other writers, Mieka’s response was, “Oh shit, no, I have seen The Hand That Rocks The Cradle.” Yes, but in this real-life reboot, the only hard stick the crazed manny is going to get impaled on is going to be the husband’s ginger dick! Yes, I’m already halfway done with writing that fanfic.

Duchess Meghan is due to give birth to Lady Willow Mountbatten-Windsor (they better name their child after one of THE QUEEN’s last corgis) any day now, and so they’re looking for the person who will take care of their little bundle of royal ginger joy as they shake hands and smile during their day job. A source tells The Mirror that the professional TRADITION BREAKERS!!! may continue to break tradition by hiring an American, and possibly an American manny.

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Open Post: Hosted by Ezra Miller and Keiynan Lonsdale Announcing That The Category Is… CAMP

/ April 17, 2019

Extra Miller (typo from way back but it stays) is up to high fashion shenanigans again, this time aided and abetted by The Flash’s Keiynan Lonsdale. The pair got all dolled up by Vogue for a Met Ball tease. The Metropolitan Museum of Art’s new spring exhibition, and the theme for the famed ball will be “Camp: Notes on Fashion”. But don’t expect burnt marshmallow nipples or potato sack races down the grand staircase. It’s not that kind of camp. Think John Waters, not Wes Anderson (though I suppose an argument could be made for Wes being campy as hell too).

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Madonna Has Put Out Her New Single And Well…

/ April 17, 2019

Seen above dressed like a child beauty pageant queen about to do a dance performance of the Dixie Chicks’ White Trash Wedding, Madonna has queefed out Medellin, the first single off her new album Madame X. Madge has taken a much-needed break from terrorizing the corneas of her Instagram followers with beyond filtered selfies from creepy HELL and has been using her social media pages to tease her new album and new song with Colombian singer Maluma.

The look for Madge’s new album is like something out of a knock-off Quentin Tarantino movie, so I was into it, but the first song sounds like a Selena Gomez bonus track on the Japanese edition of one of her albums from 2013. No offense to Selena Gomez, bonus tracks, Japanese editions, or 2013.

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