Night Crumbs

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling promoted their new movie La La Land by putting their hands in cement at the TCL Chinese Theatre yesterday. Ryan Gosling is either making that face because being in that position is causing him to want to cut one and he’s trying to keep it in. Or he’s trying to block out the thoughts of what his sucio scat-loving fans are going to do with these pictures in Photoshop – Lainey Gossip 

Here’s Kate Moss getting high – Drunken Stepfather

Jealousy is the emotion that Dane Cook feels while looking at Nick Cannon serving up “Mr. DeMille, I’m ready for my close-up” glamour – Celebitchy

Okay, what kind of blackmail material does Andy Cohen have on John Legend? – Reality Tea

Emily RideAJetSki went back to her video ho roots – The Superficial 

Megan Mullally is either playing with everyone’s emotions or she announced that NBC will soon announce that Will & Grace is coming back for 10 episodes – Towleroad

Hilary Duff wore those Gucci loafers that have pubes – Popoholic

My ears just cringed and it was from the southern accent that Christina Ricci does as Zelda Fitzgerald – Pajiba

Move along “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” because Khia is here with the new official Christmas anthem! – OMG Blog

Sarah Hyland and her seven-layer eyebrow situation are in Marie ClaireHollywood Tuna 

Tuc Watkins (aka David Vickers from One Life to Live) is back! – Boy Culture

Suicide Squad got an Honest Trailer – IDLYITW

The CW sent Reign to the guillotine – SOW

TayLourd made their official photo-op debut on the stroll and the only thing I can think about are those cheese balls – Just Jared

Duh. – Popsugar

Pic: Wenn.com

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Leonardo DiCaprio And Donald Trump Met Up To Talk About Climate Change

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Donald Trump made Oklahoma attorney general Scott Pruitt, who’s a climate change denier, the head of the Environmental Protection Agency, so yeah, he probably still believes that those pictures of malnourished polar bears are just Chinese actors in malnourished polar bear costumes posing on a studio set in China. But because Jabba the Trump is a star fucker who also really loves getting his dirt star kissed by celebrities, he met with the savior to the environment Leonardo DiCaprio at Trump Tower yesterday. Yes, our future overlord met with Luke from Growing Pains (his greatest role, honestly) about climate change, and he’s also staying on as the executive producer of the Celebrity Apprentice.  That confirms it. When the clock struck 12:01 on January 1, 2016, we were also sucked into to an alternate universe.

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Madonna Went Full-Madonna During Carpool Karaoke

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Madonna’s Carpool Karaoke segment aired last night as promised on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Thanks to a promo clip, we already knew she was going to attempt to twerk in James Corden’s karaoke room on wheels while cruising around NYC.

Madonna and James sang Madonna classics like Vogue, Papa Don’t Preach, Express Yourself, and and they also sang Bitch I’m Madonna. James also got deep and asked her if she’d get married again (she just wants someone who understands her sense of humor) and grilled her about her friendship with Michael Jackson. Here’s what we learn about Madonna and MJ: she once got Michael loose with a glass of chardonnay and kissed him. She doesn’t elaborate on what happened after that kiss. Thank you Madonna! That was very kind of you.

At least she stayed in her seat somewhat. It would be too dangerous if she was allowed to move around the cabin. Nobody wants to watch A Very Special Carpool Karaoke that opens with Madge pretending to jerk off the parking break while singing Who’s That Girl and ends with a terrified James Corden squealing “Oi oi oi stop trying to hump the steering wheel!

It’s a well-known fact that Madonna doesn’t care for NYC’s laws, and last night’s carpool karaoke proved that. Twerking, crotch-flexing, and hanging her business out of the car window? That’s two blatant traffic infractions right there: riding without a seat belt and distracting other drivers with your horny mom moves.

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The “Baywatch” Trailer Needs A Lot More Shirtless Zac Efron

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Yeah, get out of there, shirt! Go find some self-conscious shark with manboobs who needs you. Zac Efron and his ripped Wrestling Champions body don’t need you.

Based on the pictures taken on the Baywatch movie set last March, it looked like Zac would spend the entire movie shirtless. The trailer, which was released today, has determined that was a lie. Zac wears a shirt, he wears a leather jacket. The Rock, on the other hand, is only in a couple shirts. That might not be intentional. Paramount clearly blew all their budget on the amazing green screen effects at the 0:20 and 1:37 marks, which means they probably didn’t have a whole lot of money left over for The Rock’s custom-made shirts in size-PM (python arms). Regardless of the shirt situation, this trailer makes Baywatch the movie look almost as cheesy as Baywatch: Hawaiian Wedding, ergo I’m kind of into it.

The Rock plays Mitch Buchannon, one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s former girlfriends (Kelly Rohrbach) plays a less silicone-y CJ Parker, Priyanka Chopra makes a quick 0.6-second appearance as someone who never hit the gym once during filming. And Zac plays a douchey gold medal-winning brah swimmer with Sun-In streaks who loves to party. Technically he plays Matt Brody, but that’s not exactly the Matt Brody I remember from the Baywatch TV series. Hmmm…I wonder who this new Matt Brody could be based on? I guess we’ll only know for sure if Paramount releases a second trailer showing The Rock catching Zac’s character pissing on the walls of the lifeguard station bathroom.

Open Post: Hosted By Courtney Stodden Bringing Christmas Demureness To A Toy Drive

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Two seconds after this picture was taken, a volunteer mistook Courtney Stodden for a life-sized Christmas Angel Precious Moments figurine that someone donated and threw her into a box. The child who gets her for Christmas is so lucky.

Like most of us do, The Porn Iguana went to a charity toy drive done up like the North Pole side-piece that Santa does doggy style behind his toy shop. Everyone who was at the 9th Annual Babes In Toyland Charity Drive in Hollywood last night, got the priceless holiday gift of Courtney’s jumbo-sized plastic Christmas tree balls, nearly exposed holly jolly nipples and her coochie-looking belly button. Because of her powdery face and red-tipped nose, she is giving off “Michael Jackson as the gorgeous love child of Pamela Anderson and Rudolph.

And Courtney’s look is the ultimate Christmas look, because her spectacular chichi domes look like the heads of the Baby Jesus and Baby Santa snuggling together on Christmas Night.

Pics: Splash

DJ Tanner Is Leaving “The View”

December 8, 2016 / Posted by:

Dear Jesus, thank you for answering my prayers and getting me the heck away from this table of Clinton supporters.

If you don’t watch The View, then you might not know that co-host Candace Cameron Bure has been noticeably absent from the show lately. DJ Tanner is a busy lady. She’s got her gig on The View, the second season of Fuller House, Hallmark Channel movies, plus a family and calls from Jodie Sweetin asking for a ride “to a thing, don’t worry about it.” Candace may smile like a robot at times, but that doesn’t mean she is one, and she recently decided to quit one of her jobs. Candace, while wearing one of Liz Sweeney’s hand-me-downs, returned to The View today and announced that she was leaving after two seasons to focus on everything else.

Two months ago, The View said adios to Raven-Symone.

She picked a great day to announce she was making like the Subway delivery guy at Kirk Cameron’s birthday party and getting the hell out of there. If she had any doubts about leaving, all she had to do was glance over at Whoopi’s confusing Christmas sweater to remind herself that it’s time to go. “Is that a strawberry? Is she wearing a strawberry? How is that Christmas? You know what, it’s best I don’t know.”

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