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Avocado toast can go eff itself back to the millennials! The bean burrito was on everyone’s list of the biggest food crazes for 2018. CNET reports that the bean burrito ranked #1 on Grubhub’s list of the year’s most popular foods. The snobbery that voted on this obviously didn’t put Burger King’s Big Bacon King in their maw this foodie season. That sandwich is gross enough to make you want to go on one of those cayenne pepper and lemon fasts afterward so your stomach gets its original shape back. Delicious!
According to Grubhub’s Year in Food report, out Thursday, bean burritos topped the list of 2018’s favorite foods, experiencing a 276 percent boost in popularity over 2017. Coming in below the venerable burrito were poke, chicken sliders, baby back pork ribs and chicken burritos, to name a few.
276%! Are they made with a new kind of bean? Because who the hell orders a burrito with no meat in it? Answer: the people who aren’t going to die at 47 missing the gift of sight and several of their toes. So? Who needs toes and eyes! We’ve got support dogs now!
And hearkening back to my bitchy wish for the millennials, avocado toast didn’t even MAKE the list this year. So you people can stop putting pics of your brunch plates containing that ridiculous food item on IG now. And someone ban #avocadotoast as a hashtag like they’re banning porn on Tumblr.
Beavis and Butthead’s crackhead Uncle Kid Rock has pulled a Tyler Perry and paid off all of the layaways at his local Nashville Walmart. I don’t know why I’m getting skinny Cousin Eddie emptying out his “shitter” into Clark Griswold’s storm water drain vibes from this story, but hey, it’s all in the spirit of Christmas.
Christmas purist Megyn Kelly is still haggling with NBC News over how the rest of her contract is going to play out. As you may remember, great white hope Megyn thought it was prudent to publicly inquire as to why blackface was frowned upon in 2018. So NBC News jettisoned her.
The Blast reports that Megyn wants to take the money and get back to work. And NBC News wants to cash her out in installments so she won’t violate any nondisclosure agreements. What the hell is she going to disclose? That NBC News has shitty taste in anchors? We knew that.
Jennifer Aniston has been lucky enough to be in the presence of Dolly Parton a lot lately as they promote their Netflix movie Dumplin’. Dolly even went as to say that Jen is her husband Carl Dean‘s first choice for a threesome. Jen must be riding an awfully high horse after receiving that biggest compliment of her entire life, so she was slightly delusional when she said that a Friends revival could turn into a Golden Girls reboot.
Duchess Meghan is going through it lately (but luckily she has two things called Prince Harry and “not having to worry about money” to get her through it). Between feeling her ankles starting to swell with pregnancy from having to cope with the supposed feud she’s having with her sister-in-law Duchess Kate over dresses, life isn’t easy for a gal new to the British royal family. And then you’ve got her Pops. Thomas Markle is still turning to the press to report everything he’s feeling about his estranged daughter. This time he brought photos, letters, and a revelation that he felt it necessary to ask his ex-wife and Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, why Meghan isn’t speaking to him. This is sort of meta or Russian nesting doll or something because the answer is this interview you’re currently giving to the Daily Mail, fool.