Christina Aguilera Wrote Her Song “Infatuation” After Finding Out Her Ex Is Gay 

March 23, 2018 / Posted by:

While Shangela is off telling Hillary Clinton to keep that guest house in Chappaqua open so she could move in and write What Happened 2: The Shangela Story, RuPaul seems ready to forget all about RuPaul’s Drag Race: All Stars 3 and move ahead to season 10 of Drag Race. Christina Aguilera popped by to be the first guest judge, but it was a little bit of tea dropping after the show that got bits in a bunch. Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By Taco Bell Coming For Doritos 

March 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Pretty soon, you won’t have to worry about spending a half hour in a crowded drive-thru lane to decimate your G.I. tract with some Taco Bell – it will be served in a chip aisle nearest you! Someone might need to dial Doritos to say “You in danger, gurl” because Taco Bell is launching its own line of chips.

Eater says Taco Bell is saying its chips are inspired by its hot sauce packets and in no way should Doritos scream, “Bitch stole my look!” While you’ll be able to get a Basic Betty original (aka no flavor) tortilla chip, the company will also offer mild and fire to coincide with its spice levels found in its fast food locations. The chips are expected to arrive in May, and Taco Bell’s chief brand office barfed this up as an excuse as to why they didn’t try to get too creative with the packaging:

“Our sauce packets are one of the brand’s most unique aspects and were the natural choice for both the flavors and packaging of our tortilla chips.”

While it may look like Taco Bell is Single White Female-ing Doritos, it sounds like this doesn’t spoil the existing Taco Bell/Doritos partnership (Doritos makes taco shells for certain tacos at the chain). A Taco Bell spokesperson said they are open to all sorts of ways to send you into cardiac arrest (in so many words), and continuing the Frito-Lay/Doritos relationship is one of them! This is all fine and dandy, but my obese redneck childhood will not be pleased until Taco Bell starts churning out those diabetes puffs cinnamon twists to grocery stores, too!

Pic: Taco Bell


Craigslist Has Shut Down Their Personals Section Thanks To Congress 

March 23, 2018 / Posted by:

Traditional sluts who still used Craigslist’s casual encounters section are pouring out a bottle of Wet Platinum lube today over the loss of a classic ho shit tool. Craigslist has closed the sticky, greasy doors of their personals section (which includes casual encounters and missed connections) after U.S. Congress passed an anti-sex trafficking law to make it easier for victims of sex trafficking and prosecutors to sue and go after sites for posting ads from sex traffickers. While the bill was presented as a way to fight sex trafficking, it’s messing with sex workers and other people just looking to bone another consenting adult. You all better collect possible fuck pieces on Grindr, Scruff, Tinder and AdultFriendFinder before they’re next!

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Drew Barrymore Doesn’t Hate Jake Gyllennhaal

March 23, 2018 / Posted by:

During a game of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts on Wednesday night’s episode of The Late Late Show with James Corden, Drew Barrymore was faced with the lose-lose decision of ranking the talent of three past co-stars or eating turkey nuts. Drew is a vegetarian, so she avoided eating those balls by saying that Jake Gyllenhaal – her co-star in Donnie Darko – was the least talented out of a group that included Adam Sandler and Hugh Grant. But Drew isn’t a completely cold-hearted Gyllenhaater. Last night she extended an olive branch to Jake by showing up to the second season premiere of Netflix’s Santa Clarita Diet with a sign professing her love for him.

She also told Entertainment Tonight her answer was based solely on the fact that she didn’t want to scarf down those turkey balls.

“It was all fun and games and then every headline today was like, ‘Drew Barrymore says Jake Gyllenhaal’s the least talented actor she’s ever worked with.’ And I was like, no! Nobody reads the fine print, so I don’t even need to talk about it. All you need to know is this.”

But we haven’t heard from the talentless hack himself, Jake Gyllenhaal. He probably had one of two reactions: he doesn’t give a turkey’s left nut about any of this, or (and the most likely option) he’s extremely hurt, and has been trying to write Drew a letter about his feelings, but the ink keeps getting blurred by his tears. Really Drew, Jake deserves more than just a crummy half-assed sign. That sign was YARD SALE-quality at best. She better get working on a billboard, and please – give it some pizazz this time.


Matt Damon Speaks Out About Ben Affleck’s Tattoo

March 23, 2018 / Posted by:

After taking a vow of silence from opining on the important hot topics of the day, Matt Damon is dipping his toes in the waters of controversy once again by giving his honest and unfiltered opinion on one of the most important issues facing not just Hollywood but all of mankind: Ben Affleck’s back tattoo. Matt appeared on The Daily Show and Trevor Noah asked him if he was planning on distancing himself from his longtime bro because of his embarrassing ink. Matt answered (via Page Six):

“Unfortunately, I can’t seem to shake him — I’ve known him since I was 10, so that’s 37 years,” Damon said, adding, “I mean, it’s not one man’s job to tell another man what he can do to his back. I support him in all of his artistic expression.”

Some might call it a shady answer but Matt can barely cast a shadow let alone throw shade. Ben’s never cheated on Matt (as far as we know) so he doesn’t have any reason to not play nice, unlike Jennifer Garner who played kitty coy by licking her paw and purring “bless his heart” which is the only thing Jennifer’s ever said that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Despite what he says about a man’s back being his own or whatever, as Ben’s BFF, Matt is partially responsible for that mess. Ben’s always sticking his honey bear nose in pots he has no business in but refuses to step up to his responsibilities as a Ben handler. Matt blatantly ignored Ben’s peas for help. We all heard them yet were powerless to intervene. Maybe instead of fantasizing about being Thor’s neighbor in Australia, Matt should have focused his energies on the crisis here at home.


Burt Reynolds Explains What He Meant To Say On “Today”

March 23, 2018 / Posted by:

If it looks like a doddering old pepaw, and makes weird, questionable remarks like a doddering old pepaw, then guess what. It’s a doddering old peeaw! That’s the lesson learned from Burt Reynolds’ attempt to explain his say what now?” comments to Hoda Kotb on Today about her purdy mouth and his love of a 7-year-old Sally Field who he didn’t actually meet until she was 31.

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