I’ll wait here as you scream at a co-worker or a friend to grab a spatula and pry your parts from your screen. Because I’m sure your coochie or asshole immediately suctioned to your monitor at first sight of Nicolas Cage looking like a Dollar Menu Siegfried or Roy in a blazer from a Walgreens pimp costume and sunglasses bought in a gas station between Los Angeles and Reno.
Nicolas Cage and his girlfriend, Erika Koike, who is giving me Asian Pia Zadora vibes, were papped going to some restaurant in Beverly Hills last night. Since Nic is still watching his finances so his financial situation doesn’t once again become as tragic as his IMDB credits from 2008 to current day, I’m sure he and his child girlfriend both ordered ice water and agreed to share the complimentary bread basket. But I bet the diners around them sent them lobster, caviar, filet mignon (although, Nic probably sent that back since cows don’t fuck in a dignified way according to him), and other opulent food items as a thank you for delivering some protein rich glamour to the restaurant. That was the right thing to do. Because looking like Clarence and Alabama from True Romance after winning a bunch of cash from a Scratchers and spending it all on lip fillers, spray-on beards, and a shopping spree at the Cavalli outlet IS the look.
People indicates that 80-year-old Anthony Hopkins has reached the Quincy Jones “who gives a fuck what I say in an interview?” phase of life, as he is about as pleasant as any of the characters he plays in movies and TV. Anthony did a new interview with Radio Times, where he briefly talked about how he hasn’t had any kind of relationship with his estranged daughter Abigaul for years. Anthony has no idea if Abigail has children, and he doesn’t care to know either.
It’s been awhile since we heard the faintest peep regarding serial masturbating menace Louis C.K., and it almost seemed like he was about to disappear into the annals of #MeToo history. His only real recent defender was Dave Chappelle, which was a real grain-of-salt endorsement, considering his iffy thoughts about Bill Cosby. At the time of the allegations (and subsequent confirmation), Louis’ old pal Sarah Silverman admitted she was “very angry” but also asked: “Can you love someone who did bad things?” Sarah recently spoke to GQ about her friend Louis, and it would appear she’s found the answer to her question.
Duchess Meghan Markle and Prince Harry may be making a detour to Mexico on their way to their honeymoon to visit Meghan’s dad Thomas Markle. Thomas lives in Rosarito, Mexico, so it’s kind of out of their way since they reportedly will be honeymooning in Namibia. I hope that’s an amphibious car!
Last month, there was a rumor that the interns of American Vogue would no longer cower in fear that the latte they fetched for Anna Wintour was 0.05 degrees too cold. Anna Wintour was reportedly getting shoved out of her editor-in-chief role and replaced with Vogue UK editor Edward Enninful sometime this summer. The new rumor from Life & Style is that Anna’s last day at Vogue will be this week.
Kevin Federline Filed For Additional Child Support Claiming He Only Earns 1% Of What Britney Spears Earns
Kevin Federline still needs more money for child support. According to The Blast, he’s officially filed documents requesting an increase to make up for the fact that in recent years, he only earns 1% of what Britney Spears earns and it’s not fair for the kids to have to live in a hovel when they’re with him, and a mansion when they’re with their momma. And the kids are suffering because of it. What, you never heard of Childhood Parental Wealth Disparity Syndrome (CPWDS)? It’s a silent killer.