Birthday Sluts

November 23, 2017 / Posted by:

Snooki (30)
Miley Cyrus (25)
Lucas Grabeel (33)
Kelly Brook (38)
Jonathan Sadowski (38)
Allison Mosshart (39)
Page Kennedy (41)
Chris Adler (45)
Chris Hardwick (46)
Zoë Ball (47)
Oded Fehr (47)
Salli Richardson-Whitfield (50)
Vincent Cassel (51)
John Schnatter (56)
Robin Roberts (57)
Maxwell Caulfield (58)
Bruce Hornsby (63)
Rick Bayless (64)
Bruce Vilanch (69)
Joe Eszterhas (73)
Robert Towne (83)

Pic: Splash

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Afternoon Crumbs

November 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Reese Witherspoon is currently in Paris with her family for her daughter Ava’s debut at Le Bal des Débutantes. I can’t believe they walked through the airport upon arrival. I don’t know much about fancy balls, but it’s my understanding those attending a ball are provided a pumpkin-turned-coach pulled by magic mice – Lainey Gossip

DUH statement of the day: Jennifer Lawrence thinks she was too young for the roles she played in Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, and JoyCelebitchy

Teresa Giudice wants to write fiction novels. I’d make a joke about her first book being something called Frankenhairline, but she said fiction novels – Reality Tea

Here’s Ana Braga showing you that you should always lift a heavy object with your legs, unless the paparazzi show up, in which case you should lift with your ass – Drunken Stepfather

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Kendall Jenner Just Snatched Gisele’s Money-Making Crown

November 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Forbes reports that leggy, pouty thing Kendall Jenner is 2017’s highest-paid model. And in juuuuuuust the right level of knife twist, they add that it’s the first time since 2002 that the crown has not been worn by Gisele Bundchen. Meow! Kendall hauled in $22 million over the last year, which I’m sure makes Kris Jenner elated, since her Madam ass takes 40%. Kidding, she gets the family discount (39%).

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Open Post: Hosted By The Tambourine-Shaking Grandma

November 22, 2017 / Posted by:

I grew up in Berkeley, California and because of that I am easily triggered by certain hippie-tainted things. That means you can miss me with, among other things, carob chips, nutritional yeast, requests for “gas, grass or ass”, and tambourines.

That last one is a particularly odious item for me as it represents an entire subculture of folks, young and old, who congregate to swap Grateful Dead stories and noodle dance the night away all the while shaking that tambourine like there’s no tomorrow. There has been a continuous party going on there that started sometime in 1967 and refuses to stop. Thankfully, one grandmother in Louisiana named Rosalie “Lady Tambourine” Washington has delivered us tambourine-averse types from the shackles of our jingling perceptions by slapping that ‘rine with the hand of God.

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Chrissy Teigen And John Legend Are Having Another Baby

November 22, 2017 / Posted by:

Ah, babies. The perfect talking point. There will be no awkward or uncomfortable silences at Chrissy Teigen and John Legend’s holiday dinner tomorrow. The second someone begins a potentially bad conversation (“Here’s what the government doesn’t want you to know about chemtrails…“), Chrissy can just whip out a picture of her ultrasound. And if that fails, I guess they could just send the dog out in a turkey costume.

But I doubt it will get that bleak, because this baby news is still new enough to keep everyone interested.

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