Category: Fashion

The Questionable Choices Of The Teen Choice Awards Red Carpet

August 12, 2019 / Posted by:

The Teen Choice Awards always draws a perplexing crowd of adults and very few actual teens. And the adults these unseen teens have chosen this year only reaffirms the stereotype that teens make questionable choices. And judging from some of these blue carpet looks, it’s not just the teen’s choices we should be questioning. Taylor Swift was awarded the first ever Teen Choice Icon award, and possibly a cease and desist letter from Barbra Eden for stealing her look. What else can I say, one day she looks like Pollyanna, the next day she looks like a rich older lady sitting at a bar in The Forum at Caesar’s Palace working on her fourth whiskey sour and her third husband. Do you like her outfit? She got it at Versayce.

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JNCO Jeans Are Back, And Are Starting At $225

July 1, 2019 / Posted by:

Ravers of the 1990s and early 2000s are rejoicing today, because at long last, JNCO has relaunched their infamous wide-legged jeans. Mix Mag notes that JNCO (which stands for Judge None, Choose One, which kind of sounds like the slogan of a Christian denim company) was inspired to relaunch the brand after they discovered that original JNCOs were being sold on eBay for hundreds of dollars. Four years after they announced that JNCOs would be coming back, they’re back. Except now if you want a pair of massive pants, you don’t have to beg and plead your best friend with a car to drive your ass to the nearest mall on the day you get your part-time job paycheck. You can just buy them online!

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Baby Phat’s Back, Exclusively At Forever 21

June 13, 2019 / Posted by:

While I was still weeding out the last of the 90’s flannel from my wardrobe, pink velour tracksuits became all the rage. The girls I saw weren’t wearing Kimora Lee SimmonsBaby Phat tracksuits with the iconic cat logo, they were rocking an off brand from JCPenney, because them shits was expensive. But you would see some girls with the Baby Phat crop top they saved up for and probably kept in their school locker, because their mom wouldn’t let them out of the house looking like a Jr. hooker. Well, Baby Phat is back, and if you couldn’t afford it back then, you sure as hell can afford it now, because it’s being sold exclusively at Forever 21. Just in time for summer, Baby Phat for Forever 21’s downmarket, tight fitting polyester blends can give you a designer yeast infection, for just pennies on the dollar!

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The CMT Awards Red Carpet Looks Defied Space, Time And Genre

June 6, 2019 / Posted by:

Nashville loves any excuse to bust out the fringe, sequins, and in an alarming new trend, the too-tight high-water trousers. Last night marked country music’s 37th biggest night with the successful handing out of the CMT Awards, which are fan-voted awards honoring country music video and live performances. The trophies appear to be made out of plastic and it was broadcast on CMT. So if you get that channel, let us know how the show was. The only thing we have to go on here is the red carpet and from the looks of things, it was a confused and ill fitting affair.

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The Fine Line Between Fashion And Costume Was Stepped Over At The Billboard Music Awards

May 2, 2019 / Posted by:

You know when Tim Gunn used to warn Project Runway contestants about making sure their looks don’t go too costumey? It always turned out to be pretty solid advice, and contestants who didn’t heed his warnings were usually sent home. I always imagined those losing designers slipped quietly away to careers in the circus or on the drag circuit. But judging from the runway at last night’s Billboard Music Awards in Las Vegas, some of them went on to have lucrative careers making costumes for remakes of popular movies.

It’s been over 10 years since The Hurt Locker won the Academy Award for Best Picture. That means it’s ripe for a remake. In this version, Mustard has the nerve wracking job of diffusing Mariah Carey’s Lush bath bombs. It’s a dangerous job, but Mustard’s just the man to do it. Look, he’s on the hair brush right now, getting dispatched to his next mission. They’ve found a Bom Perignon in Mimi’s toilet!

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