I know you’ve all been waiting on an update to one of the most hard-hitting news stories in this extremely volatile historical moment we’re experiencing as a people. I know times may seem dark, and we may be completely divided, but don’t worry guys: Dakota Johnson‘s tooth gap will return. Yes!
Yesterday, we learned that Dakota was spotted with her teeth looking totally aligned and properly-spaced, which was not normal. Where was that small gap between the front ones? Well she explained what happened to Jimmy Fallon on The Tonight Show and it’s as boring an answer as you can expect. She claims it just did it on its own. Cool. But don’t worry you tooth-gap fetishists, she also says she’s planning on getting it back.
Sorry all you gap-tooth lovers out there–one of your Queens has fallen. Dakota Johnson seems to have closed that small gap between her two front teeth as it looks like the once-parted incisors are now fully connected best friends. And you know what? The internet has an opinion on the matter. It’s wild to think that people would comment on Dakota Johnson changing her own physical appearance since the Internet usually doesn’t notice these thing.
Break out the dildos, sex robots, candle wax, and and fetish gear. America’s sexiset couple are back together! Us Weekly reports that Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson’s insane sexual chemistry has brought them back together just a month after they reportedly broke up. I guess those matching infinity tattoos weren’t a laughable mistake after all!
Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson have ended their 18 month relationship, allegedly due to Chris really wanting to make some Martin-Johnson kids, and Dakota wanting to make more porn lite like Fifty Shades of Grey movies and buddy comedies with Rebel Wilson. Basically, 29-year-old Dakota wanted to focus on her career and Chris Martin wanted to focus on not becoming another internet meme and procreating with her.
While Gwyneth Paltrow touts the marital advantages of her husband living in a different home miles away from her, her ex-husband Chris Martin obviously chose not to follow her lead. The Sun reports that Chris has broken up was with his girlfriend, 50 Shades of Boring S&M star Dakota Johnson. Earlier this year, Chris bought a $5 million Malibu beach house for them to live in together. Who would have thought that GOOP could ever be right about anything?
I don’t know for sure that Thanksgiving with Gwyneth Paltrow involves a wine that goes well with boiled kale stems (although I’m sure that’s totally on the table), but thanks to People, we know that it allegedly involved dinner with her new husband, as well as her ex-husband and his girlfriend. Sources say that Gwyneth, Brad Falchuk, Chris Martin, and Dakota Johnson, as well as Gywneth and Chris’ kids, Apple and Moses, all joined together for Thanksgiving dinner this year.