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Open Post: Hosted By The “Reckless Driver” Dog Of Texas

December 4, 2022 / Posted by:

We’ve all been involved in some sort of fender bender. Usually, the person at fault is a distracted driver who’s on the phone or is eating a McMuffin with one hand and holding jumbo 7-11 coffee in the other. However, a recent accident in the parking lot of a Walmart couldn’t be blamed on a distracted driver. The figure behind the wheel of this particular incident was a character who couldn’t even hold a cup, much less legally drive a car: a dog! Hard to sue for damages when the only compensation you’ll likely get is a bowl of Purina puppy chow.

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T.J. Holmes Allegedly Cheated On His Wife With A “Good Morning America” Producer Before The Amy Robach Scandal

December 4, 2022 / Posted by:

Every day we discover a new heinous crime committed by Good Morning America’s T.J. Holmes. The scandal that rocked the morning meemaw gossip circles continues to merrily chug along. If you’ve not been invited to the GMA text chat and don’t know what a T.J. Holmes or an Amy Robach is, they’re two morning hosts who got caught “getting cozy” with each other and not with the people they were married to. Their affair has been the biggest thing to hit morning show news since we “shockingly” discovered that Matt Lauer was an asshole. Now that everyone knows that T.J. and Amy are rotten cheaters, some super sleuths have uncovered more of T.J.’s dirty laundry. Before Amy sashayed into the picture, T.J. was allegedly doing the nasty with one of GMA’s producers for at least three years. How many horny marathons did this guy run?

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Open Post: Hosted By Hellmann’s Asking You To Put Mayo In Your Eggnog

December 3, 2022 / Posted by:

Hot on the hells (typo and it stays) of Lindsay Lohan and Pepsi trying to make Milk Pepsi happen (very fetch), Hellmann’s have come up with their own holiday abomination. If you thought your eggnog was missing that special something, grab some room-temperature mayonnaise and throw a glob of it into your nog! If this is what bringing out the best means to Hellmann’s, I might have to switch condiment providers.

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Britney Spears Fans Think Someone Else Is Controlling Her Instagram After She Posted A Tribute To Her Sister Jamie Lynn

December 3, 2022 / Posted by:

No longer pressured to perform every night for 365 days (366 for leap years), Britney Spears has begun her new life as a serial Instagram poster. She’s been posting non-stop, and when she’s not twirling for the iPhone, she’s feuding with anyone who has ever crossed her. Her mom, her dad, Christina Aguilera, and her dancers, everybody! If you ever served Britney a warm frap at Starbucks, watch out. She might come for you with the fury of a thousand angry emojis! Another person who has continually been on the receiving end of Britney’s wrath has been her sister Jamie Lynn Spears. She’s not had only negative things to say about Ms. Zoey 101. That is until yesterday when Britney posted a loving Instagram tribute to her sister. Britney stans, crack out the magnifying glasses because this is a bona fide mystery!

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Open Post: Hosted By Elton The Diva Dog

November 27, 2022 / Posted by:

Who is the greatest diva of all? This is a question that has haunted man since Cher warbled her first note to Sonny Bono. Answers from Celine Dion to Simon Cowell to your cousin Brandy have been given, but no one has yet reached the ultimate heights of divadom…until now. The current crop of divas can’t hold a candle to the wind to Elton the golden retriever! Like most dogs, Elton loves a good walk but what sets him apart from the rest is his desire, nay…DEMAND to have his paws washed after every stroll through the park. Take notes, Mariah. This is how you diva!

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Elon Musk Will Make A Whole New Phone If Apple And Google Block Twitter

November 27, 2022 / Posted by:

You’d think that after a month of playing with a new toy that spoiled billionaire Elon Musk would have gotten bored and moved on to something else to waste his time on. Maybe “manage” his two other businesses? Nah! The man who proved that money can’t buy you cool is still wiling his time away on Twitter, hoping that Nathan Fielder will see it and become his best friend. Shockingly, the only people Elon is managing to befriend throughout this fiasco are far right-winger messes. And due to the increase in hate speech and ugly content, some users believe that this might lead to Twitter being kicked off of Google and Apple’s app stores. But the meme-stealing CEO has a plan for that eventuality: he’ll make his own phone! Please, Elon, stop “fixing” things and go hang out with your kids or something!

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