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Birthday Sluts

December 8, 2022 / Posted by:
Kim Basinger (69)
AnnaSophia Robb (29)
Kate Voegele (36)
Sam Hunt (38)
Nicki Minaj (40)
Chrisette Michele (40)
Ingrid Michaelson (43)
Matthias Schoenaerts (45)
Ian Somerhalder (44)
Dominic Monaghan (46)
Nick Zinner (48)
Corey Taylor (49)
Joy Reid (54)
Tyler Mane (56)
Sinead O’Connor (56)
David Harewood (57)
Teri Hatcher (58)

Pic: Francesco Scavullo/vintage.es

Athena Lee (58)
Wendell Pierce (59)
Phil Collen (65)
Rick Baker (72)
Nancy Meyers (73)
John Rubenstein (76)
Graciela Daniele (83)
James Galway (83)
Sam Kinison (1953-1992)
Gregg Allman (1947-2017)
Jim Morrison (1943-1971)
David Carradine (1936-2009)
Flip Wilson (1933-1998)
Sammy Davis, Jr. (1925-1990)
Diego Rivera (1886-1957)
Mary Queen of Scots (1542-1587)
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Night Crumbs

December 7, 2022 / Posted by:

At last night’s People’s Choice Awards (yes, that shit still happens), Shania Twain (yes, that’s Shania Twain) plopped a mound of Poochie’s fur onto her head and got into a custom Rodarte look that paid tribute to her leopard ensemble from the video for That Don’t Impress Me Much. I’m into it, and solely because Shania looks like Jem if Jem became the High Priestess of a cult devoted to worshipping Peg Bundy – Just Jared

Not to be outdone by Shania Twain’s fashion fuckery, Lily Collins showed up to Emily in Paris’ premiere in what looks like the losing look of a Project Runway challenge where designers had to make a Lana Turner-inspired dress out of old tights and pantyhose – Jezebel

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Who Is November’s Hot Slut Of The Month?

December 7, 2022 / Posted by:

The past two Hot Slut of the Months have been animal saviors who heroically saved furry friends from a drowning death. I don’t think we will complete the animal savior trifecta with November’s HSOTM showdown. Unless you count Paula Abdul as a sparkly savior who saved us from drowning in the boredom of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Usually, an HSOTM contest is made up of three finalists, who got the most Facebook likes, and a fourth picked by me. This month, because of a Facebook-like tie, there are five HSOTM choices to choose from. So prepare to feel your brain shake with the pressure of choosing an HSOTM out of ALL these extra choices (read: just one)!

The Rear Window Car Louver, the car accessory of pure elegance that lets other drivers on the road know that you’re a climate change activist (because those shades keep cars cooler) and a purveyor of auto sophistication.

The Stick-Horse Riding Owl, the owl who gave the people of a Eureka, Ilinois neighborhood a rodeo show in the sky by flying around on a stick horse. Giddyup, giddyup, cowboy owl (cowbowl?)! Yeeeee-WHOOOOWHOOO!

Pringles Pop Box, the little plastic carrying case that held a couple of servings of Pringles, which doesn’t make sense since everyone knows that “one serving” of Pringles is “an entire can that you deep throat into your stomach bag!

Darcie, the dachshund who faced a GREAT MIGHTY WALL (read: a baby gate her human set up) before her and easily conquered that bitch by using her dog brother Benson as a step stool and jumping over it. I bet the ghost of Constantine the Great is happy that Darcie and Benson weren’t around back then because if they were, she would’ve easily bounced over the Walls of Constantinople.

Paula Abdul’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Performance, the tap-synching sequined-covered acid trip EXTRAVAGANZA that Paula Abdul delivered in front of a Jennie-O turkey float. My Thanksgiving Morning cardio was biting my nails as Paula Abdul’s dancers picked her ass up and carried her through the air. Paula is an American treasure and messy icon, they needed to slap a bedazzled “Handle With Care” sign on her!

Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be named in Crumbs and in this space next Wednesday. December 14!

Pics: Reddit, Facebook, Reddit, YouTube, Twitter

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Hot Slut Of The Day!

December 7, 2022 / Posted by:

Dizzy Dryer!

In the early-90s, Milton Bradley decided that what would bring kids hours of entertainment was a battery-operated plastic bucket that spat out balls that children had to collect off the floor and put back into the bucket. That’s how the fuckery machine that was Mr. Bucket was born. Well, Mattel must have looked at Mr. Bucket and thought, “Let’s do that but with laundry!” Because a few years later, Mattell spat out Dizzy Dryer, a game that was pretty much like Mr. Bucket. Kids tossed plastic clothes into Dizzy Dryer and watched ’em as they spun around. Never mind that this is the kind of mindless shit we did in the 90s as entertainment; Mattel truly missed an opportunity. They should’ve gotten Pete Burns to be the face of Dizzy Dryer and get Pete to yodel out the game’s theme song; You Spin Me Round (Like A Plastic Shirt).

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Birthday Sluts

December 7, 2022 / Posted by:
Ellen Burstyn (90)
Asian Doll (25)
Yuzuru Hanyu (28)
Jasmine Villegas (29)
Yasiel Puig (32)
Nicholas Hoult (33)
Emily Browning (34)
Angel Carter (35)
Cara Cunningham (35)
Jack Huston (40)
Dan Bilzerian (42)
Jennifer Carpenter (43)
Sara Bareilles (43)
Shiri Appleby (44)
Dominic Howard (45)
Mark Duplass (46)

Pic: Getty

Frankie J (47)
Nicole Appleton (48)
Terrell Owens (49)
Damien Rice (49)
C. Thomas Howell (56)
Jeffrey Wright (57)
Edd Hall (64)
Larry Bird (66)
Priscilla Barnes (67)
Tom Waits (73)
Aaron Carter (1987-2022)
Patrice O’Neal (1969-2011)
Chuy Bravo (1956-2019)
Ted Knight (1923-1986)
Eli Wallach (1915-2014)
Louis Prima (1910-1978)
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Night Crumbs

December 6, 2022 / Posted by:

There’s an update on The Flash movie, and no, this isn’t an update to let you know that Warner Bros. dumped that shit into The Trash. The Flash is still happening, and in fact, it’s happening sooner. Warner Bros. has moved its release date up a week from June 23, 2023 to June 16, 2023. That’s good news for the poor security guard who Warner Bros. hired to watch Ezra Miller as they’re tied up in a basement somewhere. I mean, I’m assuming that Warner Bros. has Ezra tied up somewhere since that piece of smegma has been very quiet lately, and people are almost starting to feel safe again to step out in Hawaii, Iceland, and Vermont. I said almost!  – Just Jared

Gabourey Sidibe got secret married to her man Brandon Frankel a year ago. But Gabourey doesn’t really like weddings, so they got hitched at their kitchen table, and it was just the two of them. Because their marriage ceremony was so low-key, People Magazine sadly wasn’t there to get pictures of naked Brandon holding up two balloons that read “I DO!” over his crotch during their vows – Lainey Gossip

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