Mayor Smoke the Turkey of Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin!
America’s Annual Losing It About Politics At The Dinner Table Scream-a-thon is less than a week away, and in between your Trump-loving uncle still screaming about Crooked Hillary and your Bernie-loving second cousin still screaming about Crooked Hillary, they sometimes shut their scream hole for a second with a big piece of cooked (or overcooked, depending on who’s cooking it) turkey flesh. So because it’s turkey eatin’ season, turkeys are either laying in a freezer coffin at a grocery store, headed to a freezer coffin at a grocery store, or hiding out in Alicia Silverstone’s backyard. But not Smoke the Turkey!
Rocsi Diaz (35)
Sarah Harding (37)
Isaac Hanson (38)
Zoe Bell (40)
Rachel McAdams (40)
Leslie Bibb (44)
Kimya Dawson (46)
David Ramsey (47)
Ronnie DeVoe (51)
Daisy Fuentes (52)
Sophie Marceau (52)
Pic: Universal Pictures
Jonathan Ross (58)
Ramona Singer (62)
Roland Joffe (73)
Danny DeVito (74)
Lorne Michaels (74)
Lauren Hutton (75)
Martin Scorsese (76)
Gordon Lightfoot (80)
Jeff Buckley (1966-1997)
Rock Hudson (1925-1985)
ScarJo and Colin Jost posed together at a gala for the American Museum Of Natural History, and in several pictures, you can almost hear the screams inside of his head: HEY, EVERYONE, JUST A REMINDER THAT I’M THE GUY WHO GETS TO FUCK SCARJO! WOO HOO ME! – Celebitchy
Sure, Taron Egerton and Sofia Boutella could be throwing looks of love at each other, but to me, it looks more like she’s thinking, “The hell is that hat?”, while he’s thinking, “The hell is that hair color?” – Lainey Gossip
Wherever these pictures were taken, I hope the people put on gas masks or else they inhaled the toxic fumes from Backdoor Farrah and that equally-as-plastic wig melting – Drunken Stepfather
Amber Heard busting out “aspiring actress at her first head shot photo shoot” poses for Shape – Popoholic
If the painting didn’t shred itself right after the winning bid was declared, David Hockney can’t call himself an artist – Towleroad
My guess is that Jennifer Aniston wasn’t asked to be in the new Leprechaun movie because its creators want everyone to know it’s a serious piece of indie cinematic art and not some money-making commercial garbage! – SOW
It’s already awards season time – Pajiba
Only Germany’s Finest Rose can turn a coffee cup into a luxurious designer cooch cover – Hollywood Tuna
Why did I think this was the Monopoly Man SANS stache and hat? – Just Jared
William Goldman, the writer whose mind gave us The Princess Bride and much more, has died – Vox
Everyone bow down and throw a McDonald’s hamburger at the paws of the Oklahoma City Princess of Scamming and our current reigning Queen of Hot Sluts, Princess Reyes!
Princess Reyes is the adorable con artist who stole the hearts of the internet by stealing hamburgers from McDonald’s customers who thought she was a starving stray. Princess’ human, Betsy Reyes, caught her grifting ass dog at a McDonald’s drive-thru pretending to be homeless so that people would take pity upon her and give her food. It was a perfect scam until Betsy exposed a bitch! But Betsy blowing up Princess’ game has led to her getting internet fame and winning the illustrious title of HSOTM.
In October’s HSOTM showdown, Princess was up against a trio of nostalgia, but easily took them down. Princess got a whopping 64% of the votes. Her rivals, Five Alive punch (13% of the votes), Rainbow Flip-Flops (12%), and Keebler Tato Skins (11%) didn’t even come close to touching her. If Dlisted’s budget wasn’t worth an alleyway used condom, we’d get her a crown worthy of her brilliance. One that would go perfectly with the McDonald’s GPS choker that Ronald gifted her with:
Princess is our 11th HSOTM, and will go on to the finals in January. Thanks to all who voted!
Pic: Betsy Reyes/Facebook
It’s been a good week for the majority shareholders in the companies who make Preparation H and Vagisil, because b-holes have been howling themselves raw and coochie holes have been slobbering themselves bone dry over Extra Miller serving bust-a-nut-inducing looks like his Queen Of The Gothic Trash Bags look, his Electrocuted Swan Lake look, and his Uniqlo assistant manager on E look (above). Get ready to throw an entire warehouse of Prep H and/or Vagisil at your fuck parts, because Extra Ezra has once again struck genitals with his sexiness. This time he had help from Playboy. I know, Playboy actually delivering some fap material? 2018 really is like an acid trip in the Upside Down.
Digger The Dog!
Digger The Dog is definitely a candidate for RuPaul’s Wait, What Did You Just Fucking Call Me? Hall Of Shame, but alongside, Sherlock Holmes, Poirot, Nancy Drew, Columbo, and Detective La Toya, he’s also one of the greatest detectives in history. But unlike those others, he hasn’t gotten much credit for his impeccable and flawless detective skills. Like I’m pretty sure Digger The Dog was the investigator who uncovered the truth about Watergate, and does he get credit for that?!
Long before Detective La Toya was getting to the bottom of EVERYTHING, Digger The Dog was getting to the bottom of EVERYTHING. A toy company named Romper Room created Digger The Dog in the 1970s. He was a plastic toy dog in a jaunty Sherlock hat on wheels who’d sniff the ground for clues as his human pushed him. I wasn’t around when Digger The Dog was sniffing around the toy stroll, but if you were, then there’s a chance his theme song is still digging inside the deep parts of your brain. And I don’t need Digger The Dog to dig up the fact that everyone from postal workers to kids walking their dogs brought THE GLAMOUR in the 1970s.
As for what became of Digger The Detective Dog, you can still find the 70s one on eBay, and Playskool sells an ugly updated version of him. And I’ve heard that Digger The Dog is still sniffing the cobblestone streets for clues, and is in fact Robert Mueller’s mentor and his unofficial right hand in the Russia investigation. True story.