Jimmy Fallon Asked Elon Musk To Shut Off The #RIPJimmyFallon Twitter Hashtag Since He’s Still Alive, But Elon Saw No Issue With It
Even though pandering Golden Retriever-type Jimmy Fallon almost died of the shame shivers that one time modern-day Madonna awkwardly flashed her paid-for oversized nalgas on The Tonight Show, he lived to over-laugh at literally everything his guests say another day. But despite the fact that Jimmy’s still alive, the hashtag #RIPJimmyFallon started trending on Twitter last night when many tweeters started using it mischievously with pics of people who aren’t actually Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy got Jimmy-mad (which probably isn’t actually very mad at all), and tweeted directly to Elon Musk, asking him to shut the whole thing down. However, Elon didn’t seem to see any issue with the blatant misinformation since misinformation and general dipshittery have recently emerged as the meat of Elon Musk’s Twitter™.
Jimmy Fallon, Tracy Morgan And Lorne Michaels Have Been Added As Defendants In The Sexual Assault Lawsuit Against Horatio Sanz
Once again, Saturday Night Live alum Horatio Sanz is making headlines for allegedly grooming a 15-year-old girl and sexually assaulting her at an SNL cast party when she was 17. I say “once again” but that is literally the only reason Horatio has ever made a headline in his entire career. With a legacy like that, you’d think his old pals at SNL might have all come down with Sanznesia like the rest of us and wiped him from their collective memories. But in fact, Lorne Michaels and Horatio’s former castmates Jimmy Fallon and Tracy Morgan care very much about what Horatio is up to these days because they have all just been named as defendants in an amended complaint filed by a “Jane Doe.” Jane Doe claims that Lorne, Jimmy, and Tracy all enabled Horatio’s misconduct. I guess that’s one way to get the guys to pick up your calls. It’s a sick, twisted, and extremely convoluted way, but hey I guess it worked. I heard Horatio and the boys were gonna try to get together with their lawyers soon for some beers and mutually assured destruction.
Mary J. Blige, Keanu Reeves, Zendaya, Joe Rogan And Kris Jenner All Made The Time 100 List Of The World’s Most Influential People
Last year Prince Harry and Meghan Markle graced the cover of Time Magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world and since then, have done jack shit in the way of influence. They were featured in the Icons section, but those tricks can’t even launch an Instagram page let alone a revolution. So Time gave them the year off to get their shit together and Mary J. Blige has taken their place as the face of the Time 100’s Icons section. Mary shares the honor with Issa Rae, Keanu Reeves, Jon Batiste, and Adele plus a couple of people who actually worked for the accolade. And because you can’t even get the “Uh” out of Adele without James Corden popping up out of nowhere like a singing telegram sent by the devil himself, James wrote Adele’s intro and used it as an excuse to brag about her “singing in the kitchen, or belting at the top of her voice solely to make [his] children laugh.” It’s like, we get it, James, she’s your bestie. But if she’s so influential, then explain what happened to your career?
Everybody loves to complain that they don’t understand the appeal of owning an NFT and would like someone to explain it to them like they’re five until someone actually comes around and does just that and it still doesn’t make any sense. That’s what happened during a mind-numbingly sedate interview with Paris Hilton on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. Even though 5-year-olds love clowns and girls in sparkly dresses, Jimmy Fallon and Paris were the wrong choices to extol the virtues of the virtual by showing off their own Bored Ape NFTs with all the enthusiasm of a couple of strangers trying to work out a Spot The Difference puzzle while waiting for the dentist. The segment left me with more questions than answers, the most urgent being “are they OK? Is there a carbon monoxide leak in the building?”
A ton of celebrities are COVID-19 positive these days, but not because they were at one of Jeff Lewis‘ superspreader events. People says that Hugh Jackman, Whoopi Goldberg, Debra Messing, LL Cool J, and Jessie J have all tested positive for Coronavirus recently. And it’s really hit the late-night circuit too, as hosts of the big-name late shows are dropping like flies. Jimmy Fallon recently had COVID, Seth Meyers just announced he has COVID, and now James Corden has also got COVID. I hope he doesn’t have a fever, but I’m sure if James gets one he’ll be fine since he starred in Netflix’s fever dream, Prom, and will be used to the hallucinatory imagery. Continue reading
Jimmy Fallon must be the only person in the known universe who isn’t familiar with current-day Madonna. Because when Jimmy brought Madonna out onto the stage of The Tonight Show last night to promote her new Madame X documentary, his face was like a guide to the Kubler-Ross model for the five stages of grief, except it was the six stages of disbelief. Shocked, Scandalized, Horrified, Appalled, Outraged, and whatever word you’d use for the panicky feeling a late-night talk show host gets when they really want to cut to commercial. And we hadn’t even gotten to her double-stuffed butt cheeks yet!