Cate Blanchett Calls For The End Of Televised Awards Shows While Accepting A Critics Choice Award On The CW…
The Critics Choice Awards aired on The CW last night, and a not-so-surprising guest crashed that shit like, “Bitch, I’m STILL here.” I’m talking about COVID-19. Nominees Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, and Jamie Lee Curtis, as well as presenter Michelle Pfeiffer, had to sit the show out after testing positive for Coronavirus. COVID-19 didn’t fuck with Cate Blanchett, though. She showed up to last night’s ceremony, won Best Actress for her performance in Tár, and used some of her time on stage to praise all actresses in the business and also declared that we need to finally call the time of death on the “televised horse race” known as awards shows. And then Cate galloped away with her Critics Choice Award in hand to place it right next to her two Oscars, three BAFTAs, four Golden Globes, three SAG Awards, and many other horse race prizes.
Did somebody say FASHUN?!? Well, say it louder next time, I don’t think the folks in the back heard you over the din of shitfaced celebrities using the Golden Globes’ phenomenal flame out last year as an excuse to load up on free champagne, talk shit, and network with fellow survivors of the Great Los Angeles Deluge of 2023. However, a few stars heard the call to bare arms (regretfully, ladies only. Where was Timothée Chalamet with his scrumptious little back meats!?) and used the opportunity to challenge their stylists to come up with a look that simultaneously screams “I’m the greatest star” and “I am being pranked by my stylist, aren’t I.” Meanwhile, the real jackasses pulling one over on these celebrities are the goon-squad of aestheticians going around convincing them to donate their precious buccal fat reserves “for charity.” Sad truth is that only a tiny portion of their donations actually make it to starving children in need. Sorry, Wednesday‘s Jenna Ortega, your generous donation is now just padding for some ghoul’s pocket. Also, I think your parachute got a little turned around. Must have been the wind.
There’s only so much room in all of our fried brains for celebrity couples, so you may have forgotten that Fred Armisen and Natasha Lyonne were a thing and that they first became a thing in the simpler times of 2014. But while talking to The Hollywood Reporter to promote the second season of her Netflix show Russian Doll, Natasha said that they’re no longer together and that they broke up because she wants to live in a house with a swimming pool and he doesn’t. And as many of us shrug like, “rich bitch shit,” Fred’s one-time wife of a second Elisabeth Moss is probably throwing a side-eye that screams, “Uh-huh, I’m sure that was the reason.”
Natasha Lyonne has overcome some dark times: arrests, drug addiction, and an eviction by Kenya Moore-hating Michael Rapaport. It seems as though she’s gotten her life and career back on track. There is only one thing Natasha hasn’t gotten yet: the ability to clap like a normal human being! Natasha must have went to Nicole Kidman‘s School of Clapping for Weirdos and graduated with honors. It didn’t help that she was dressed like a grandmother from the 1970s who needed extra big reading glasses to help her try to see which way her hands were going. A hot look, in other words.
RuPaul is a legend that has been around for a while (that sounds shady, but it’s the truth – photographs from the 90s don’t lie!) And you don’t achieve legendary status without also breaking a bunch of records. Like most hours clocked through the soft-focus filter of a camera lens, or total number of miles walked down a runway in a beaded gown while holding your breath. Over the weekend, the Creative Arts Emmys were held in Los Angeles, and RuPaul has come one more award closer to breaking yet another record.
The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.