There was a rumor that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their fourth child/Instagram accessory Bear West, which isn’t a terrible name since it sounds like the second largest bear party held in Palm Springs. But because “Bear West” isn’t pretentiously dumb enough to make everyone roll their eyes out of their sockets, and because Kanye West wants to continue his transformation into psycho religious cult leader, they have gone with: Psalm West. “That’s psalm psad and pstupid pshit!” is probably what God shouted in heaven.
And you may not have read what their newest baby’s name is since your soul got sucked into Kim’s red latex kamel toe of destruction. Consider yourself lucky.
Much like her blonde serpentine nemisis, it would appear that Kim Kardashian has possibly been dropping hints about a big reveal. Well, it’s a big reveal if you’re the person at E! in charge of typing up the chyrons on KUWTK. People seems to think they’ve cracked the case on what sounds like the least popular Nancy Drew novel of our time: The Mystery of What Kim and Kanye Named Their Newest Kid.
If there’s something you can count on, it’s Kris Jenner loving all her children equally. LOL JK–which one is making the most money for her the day you’re reading this? It’s that one. Kris showed off her boundless love for her familia over the weekend by throwing up an Instagram post dedicated to all the mothers. It included mention of every one of her daughters except noticeably Kendall Jenner was left out. Yeah, Kendall well you aren’t a mother so why would you be included? …Only when you have birthed a child which Kris can make 10% from, then you can get included. Kim Kardashian‘s surrogates about to get more of a shoutout than you are. Put in the work!
It looks like Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s four horsemen of the apokalypse are complete! TMZ reports that Kim K’s surrogate went into labor yesterday and now, several hours later, the baby boy is finally here. I’m sure that surrogate was paid well but let me say: for what they go through (pregnancy), whatever they get paid, surrogates need more. They the ones really deserving of being “self-made billionaires.”
Just when you thought the Kardashian/Jenner Koven couldn’t get anymore tacky they go and take this group photo. There is so much going on here like:
– Kris Jenner‘s beat-down, platinum Kate Gosselin-meets-Gwen Stefani wig.
– Her boyfriend Corey Gamble‘s limp-dick-ballsack bowtie version of the vibrant pussy-bow.
– Kim Kardashian West‘s wet-looking gold-lamé+tinsel, half-mermaid Saran-wrap look.
– Kanye West fully falling asleep behind them.
– Kendall Jenner‘s singular slicked-down middle part with a dark-twist/crown of orange feathers.
– Kylie Jenner‘s chambermaid’s sexy nightie and matching synthetic lilac wig straight from MapOfBeauty.
– Travis Scott‘s “we get it you’re straight so you don’t know what a goddamn theme is” half-assed attempt at looking like a well-dressed G.I. Joe action figure.
This is a mess, but what else would we expect?
It looks like we’re growing ever closer to the end of days, my friends. Do you smell the brimstone bubbling in the skies? Feel the heat of the sulphuric rivers awaiting to burst from our feet, gushing a flaming, toxic death? If you aren’t seeing the writing on the wall, honey, let me help you out. Kanye West is maybe starting a religion.
I know, I know… it’s just supposed to be a place for all people to come and get spiritual– that’s how they all start. Next thing you know, they’re building statues of Kanye West in the centre of a walled-up commune where they have their own police force. And drones that fly overhead are shot down so no one can see inside without a satellite, and no one has heard from their loved ones who went there on a concert tour several years ago. More evidence of the end. Guess who’ll be First Lady of this Kult? The Koven’s former Botoxed-Supreme herself, Kim Kardashian West.