On the left we have a picture of Kim Kardashian arriving to a taping of Jimmy Kimmel Live! in July 2018. On the right is Kim at the 2019 Creative Arts Emmys in September. If you asked me to tell you the difference between these two pictures, I might say that in one picture Kim looks like Bad Sandy from an all-sex doll production of Grease, while the other looks like what I picture Kim might wear to a parent-teacher conference. But if you asked Kim, she’d tell you that there’s a very obvious 18 pound difference that she’s trying desperately to get rid of.
The Kardashian-West family really showed what Halloween is all about: getting your kids dressed up in a million different cute costumes so you can take pictures of them and get publicity on Instagram. You thought they dressed up to walk around and ask for candy? Not in the Koven, bitch. But this year, one of the family costumes was too scary for baby Chicago to handle and she had to be photoshopped in–poorly at that–with the rest of the family. Ain’t nothing gonna get between Kim Kardashian and releasing a picture of her full family for attention! Not even a scared baby.
Kanye West’s mouth has been working overtime recently, because he’s got a lot of things on the go that people need to hear about. He’s got a new attitude (Christian mom accessorizing her MAGA hat with a jeweled Jesus fish pin), an album to push (Jesus Is King), and a Calabasas cult to run (Kanye West’s Sunday Service). What these three things have in common is that they’re all examples of Kanye’s reinvention as someone who is suddenly very uptight and conservative. But how does his wife Kim Kardashian feel about all of this? Apparently she’s good with it.
Being friends with Taylor Swift comes with many privileges. You can earn your own room at her house, and it’s perfectly customized for you complete with your favorite snacks always stocked. You get lots of social media attention when she tags you. And you get to meet her cats (read: the only reason to be friends with Taylor Swift). But if you cross her and abuse the gift of her friendship and the blessing of her pure and dainty love, you are banished from the Sugar Cookie Kingdom! Karlie Kloss has learned this in more ways than one. Which is why it was so strange to see Taylor’s seemingly legitimate bestie, Selena Gomez, posting positive messages about one of Taylor’s rivals, Kim Kardashian. I know that Selena Gomez hates women-bashing, but how could you?
Jonathan Cheban went from pretending to be Kim Karsahsian’s best guy friend on KUWTK to changing his name to Foodgod and pretending to be a food expert, probably because Kim balked when he asked if he could legally change his name to Kim K BFF. But because Kim has powers the federal government does not have, Jonathan has been allowed to make his name change to Foodgod legal. According to TMZ, the official judgement was entered last week in Florida, which is Foodgod’s primary residence, and helps to explain at least a little bit.
This year, for her 39th birthday, Kanye West gave his wife Kim Kardashian a truly meaningful gift. In addition to a needless reup on her bag collection, a weekend in Palm Springs with all her friends and family, which included a catered dinner complete with a beignet truck and churro stand, Kanye donated $1 million to charity in her name. Does the saying “even a broken clock is right twice a day” still apply if said clock is also responsible for the glorification of rampant crass capitalism and perpetuating an unrealistic and unattainable physical aesthetic to women and girls the world over? If so, then it’s Kim and Kanye o’clock somewhere!