Open Post: Hosted By The Trailer For “Magic Mike’s Last Dance” Featuring Salma Hayek In The Role Originally Played By Thandiwe Newton
Cast your memory back to February of this year. It was the best of times (somebody gave Nick Cannon a vending machine full of condoms), it was the worst of times (he never used them), it was an age of wisdom (Channing Tatum said he almost didn’t do Magic Mike 3 for the sake of his health), it was the age of foolishness (Thandiwe Newton dropped out of MM3 after reportedly fighting with Channing over The Oscar’s Slap). And because the good and wise times hence have gone unheeded, Nick’s expecting baby #12, and we now have the first trailer for Magic Mike’s Last Dance in which Salma Hayek doffs Thandiwe’s fedora and brushes Channing’s “well-defined six-pack.” It’s as if we’ve learned nothing in all this time, yet somehow, simultaneously, we found the meaning of life. Light and dark. Hope and despair. Magical Michael and his merry band of manly men may just make horny believers of us all.
I don’t want anybody to get too excited: The prediction I’m about to make may be premature, as it is based solely on the pretentious Art fumes wafting off of Zoë Kravitz’ recent interview with GQ in which she touches on falling in love with Channing Tatum, the star of her upcoming feminist directorial debut, over their shared passion for Art, not long after the dissolution of her marriage Karl Glusman, and disputes the idea that “nepo babies” are any different from regular babies that go into the same business as their parents. I mean, I obviously hope and pray that we have another Don’t Worry Darling situation on our hands with Pussy Island, but I’m not quite ready to start taking bets. I know the odds are grim, so for now, I’m just floating the idea in case I get the chance to scream, “I TOLD YOU SO!” when, a year from now, we’re all losing our collective shit when Geena Davis shows up late to the Venice Film Festival swirling an Aperol Spritz.
Mary J. Blige, Keanu Reeves, Zendaya, Joe Rogan And Kris Jenner All Made The Time 100 List Of The World’s Most Influential People
Last year Prince Harry and Meghan Markle graced the cover of Time Magazine’s annual list of the 100 most influential people in the world and since then, have done jack shit in the way of influence. They were featured in the Icons section, but those tricks can’t even launch an Instagram page let alone a revolution. So Time gave them the year off to get their shit together and Mary J. Blige has taken their place as the face of the Time 100’s Icons section. Mary shares the honor with Issa Rae, Keanu Reeves, Jon Batiste, and Adele plus a couple of people who actually worked for the accolade. And because you can’t even get the “Uh” out of Adele without James Corden popping up out of nowhere like a singing telegram sent by the devil himself, James wrote Adele’s intro and used it as an excuse to brag about her “singing in the kitchen, or belting at the top of her voice solely to make [his] children laugh.” It’s like, we get it, James, she’s your bestie. But if she’s so influential, then explain what happened to your career?
Yesterday we learned that Thandiwe Newton had “made the difficult decision to step away” from starring in Magic Mike’s Last Dance, the third and presumably last opportunity for Ginuwine to bank some royalties for My Pony. Salma Hayek will be replacing her. Though The Sun reported that Channing Tatum fired Thandiwe after an argument over The Slap at the Oscars got out of hand, her camp insisted that she left to “deal with family matters.” As if The Slap isn’t a family matter for all of us at this point! However, Thandiwe’s apparently got bigger family issues to deal with than merely having to, as we all must, divide her house in two with masking tape, and insist that everybody who thinks Will Smith was in the right live on one side, and everybody that thinks Will was in the wrong, live on the other. According to Page Six, Thandiwe is “likely heading to rehab” for acting “bizarrely” on set because her marriage of 24 years has imploded. Was it the tape? It was probably the tape. At this rate, The Slap’s gonna send us all to rehab eventually.
Thandiwe Newton Has Left “Magic Mike’s Last Dance,” Denies She Was Fired Over A Fight With Channing Tatum About The Oscars Slap
Some fuckery is afoot on the set of Magic Mike’s Last Dance, the Magic Mike sequel, which is currently filming in London with Thandiwe Newton as the romantic lead opposite Channing Tatum. According to Variety, Thandiwe suddenly decided to step down, and Salma Hayek will be taking her place. The Sun reported that Thandiwe was fired by Channing, who is also a producer, after they got into it on set over The Slap at the Oscars of all things, causing the situation between them to become “untenable.” I know Will Smith really put his back into slapping Chris Rock, but damn, I cannot believe that shit is still echoing all the way across the pond! However, The Independent reports that Thandiwe denies The Sun’s report, and, in a statement, said she “made the difficult decision to step away” to “deal with family matters.” Sounds fishy, to be sure. But whatever the case, I’m sure the MM3 costume department took a look at the news circling the water cooler this morning and muttered “we’re gonna need a bigger bra.”
After Zoë Kravitz split up from her husband of fewer than two years, Karl Gusman, she rebounded with Channing Tatum. 33-year-old Zoë and 41-year-old Channing have been together since around summer last year after they worked together on a film that Zoë directed called Pussy Island. But according to Us Weekly’s sources, this isn’t some kind of casual thing and you probably won’t find a newly-single Zoë and a possibly-single Lisa Bonet hitting up a club together to pick up new pieces (since yes, Zoë and Lisa are totally the mom and daughter version of The Roxbury Guys). Because Zoë and Channing see themselves heading into ~serious~ territory.