Category: Open Post
Open Post: Hosted By Ralphie The Demon Dog’s Happy Ending
When we last checked in with Ralphie the “demon dog” of Niagara, he had bullied his adopted home so much that the boy got put into reform school. Don’t let the adorable face fool you. Ralphie is a certified “whole jerk-not even half.” Well, he WAS a whole jerk. After spending time in the big house, Ralphie has cleaned up his act! Not only that, but he’s also found his forever home!
Open Post: Hosted By The Death Of The $1 New York Pizza Slice
It’s the end of an era. The New York dollar slice is dead. Rest in peace, you dirt-cheap, greasy bastard. The New York Post reports that the last remaining $1 pizza joint, 2 Bros. Pizza, was forced to raise their prices to $1.50 to keep up with inflation. Decades from now, you’ll tell your great-great-grandkids, “I remember the days I could get a slice for a buck.” And, because pizza slices in 2083 will cost you at least ¥137 (or 8,100 NFTs) , the kids will assume you’ve gone mad and finally ship your old ass off to Shady Pines…
Open Post: Hosted By Al Roker’s Reaction To Jameela Jamil’s Tale Of A Tragic Booty Call On “Today”
Jameela Jamil put making out with her own dumper and heroically speaking out against Lea Michele conspiracy theories on the back burner to launch another podcast, straightforwardly called Bad Dates With Jameela Jamil. While recently promoting it on Today, she was asked to recount her worst date, which happened to be a booty call gone wrong. She told a horrifying tale of boner pills and broken teeth, leaving the show’s hosts speechless and Al Roker visibly disappointed and disgusted–which is kind of hypocritical since we all know his booty once called at an inconvenient moment, resulting in a Keto Diet feces riot while he was visiting the White House.
Open Post: Hosted By Pat Sajak “Wresting” A “Wheel Of Fortune” Contestant
Pat Sajak is definitely getting tired of hosting the sophisticated version of Hangman known as Wheel Of Fortune because these past few seasons have seen quite a few questionable moments. And normally, Pat is the culprit because Vanna White isn’t letting anything stop her forty-year-long check of revealing letters with a smile. In recent years, Wheel producers have been hoping Pat would finally solve their “P_EASE RETIRE” puzzle while Pat himself has been getting nastier with contestants to the point where he basically told one of them to shut the fuck up. And now, Pat is taking out his rage on another contestant by practicing his sweet wrasslin’ moves at the end of the bonus round.
Open Post: Hosted By Rick Ross’ Roaming Buffaloes Pissing Off His Neighbor
Though Rick Ross, a grunting, sleepy-eyed rapper with titties to match, has deemed himself the “Biggest Boss,” he’s somehow unable to manage the several buffaloes that live at his massive estate he calls “The Promise Land” in Fayetteville, GA. The buffaloes got out of their enclosure a few days ago and have been grazing on the property of a nearby neighbor, who is not having it.
Open Post: Hosted By Jamie Lee Curtis Keeping Her Oscar Beside Her Prop Butt Plug Award
Where do Oscar winners keep their Oscars? Kate Winslet put hers in the bathroom, so guests can play pretend in the mirror without shame. I love that, except I hope people are washing their hands before they handle Oscar. Before. TooFab reports that a week after her Best Supporting Actress win, Jamie Lee Curtis has already found her Oscar a happy home; beside her Everything Everywhere All At Once character’s fictional butt plug-shaped award for “Auditor of the Month” and her recent Screen Actors Guild Award. Looking at all three awards lined up in a row, it’s clear that the SAG is the only one not ideal for sticking up your ass. Continue reading