Category: Open Post

Open Post: Hosted By Cher Dragging Madonna On “Ellen”

September 24, 2018 / Posted by:

In a recent appearance on Ellen, Cher reignited a long-standing… something that’s not exactly a feud per se (a feud implies two evenly matched foes)- let’s call it a “difference in approach” between herself and Madonna. Cher, resplendent in elegantly styled Scandinavian ABBA locks, played a game called “The 5-Second Rule” where she quickly had to answer the question “name 5 celebrities you’d want to do a duet with”. Congratulations to Adele and Pink, you made the list! Take a victory lap, make it happen. I would eat those duets up with a rhinestone fork. However, condolences are in order for Madge.

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Open Post: Hosted By Joaquin Phoenix In Action As The Joker

September 23, 2018 / Posted by:

It looks like those dudes in the background are getting it on as a clown crowd watches… That might be the most interesting part of The Joker.

That Joaquin Phoenix morphing into the Joker clip from the other day looked like some diligent comic book fan’s homemade CGI. It wasn’t. TMZ has posted a clip of Joaquin filming a scene for the upcoming origin story for the famous murder-clown, and that’s really the makeup with which they’re going. Well, they got the clown part right, he typed weakly? It’s an origin story so maybe this is like when the hero is making his own costumes at first and then his lewk evolves a little by the end of the movie? I hope so, otherwise, the Joker is going to look like he became a psychopathic killer after one of the kids at the birthday party he was working at kicked him in the balls.

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Open Post: Hosted By Alex Trebek Shaving His Beard

September 22, 2018 / Posted by:

Where in hell is Alex Trebek’s wife to dive into the frame and rip that trimmer out of his hand? That beard was HOT. With the beard, Alex was a piping hot combo of a daddy and an otter-morphing-into-bear and it was working for him. HuffPost reported on Alex Trebek shaving the beard which has become the most talked about part of Jeopardy since that Ken Jennings dude won every episode until he had to return to his home planet which was obviously a giant pulsating brain on the other side of the sun. Devastating clip after the cut.

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Open Post: Hosted By Joaquin Phoenix Made Up As The Joker

September 21, 2018 / Posted by:

When someone told me there was going to be a movie about the origin of the Joker, I just assumed there was a Netflix documentary about Kellyanne Conway coming out. Fun for me that they meant Batman’s sparring partner! Joaquin Phoenix is taking over the role, and Allison already showed you earlier this week of a photo of Joaquin as the Crown Prince of Crime’s “Arthur” alter ego. To me, Arthur looked like the weird guy I saw on the subway this morning talking to his imaginary pet bird and eating a sandwich. Luckily, we didn’t have to wait long for the film studio to drop a lewk at what Arthur looks like when he hits up the MAC counter.

While the Joker in full drag admittedly looks spookier than his mortal, subway flasher form (or does he?), I’ve still seen spookier shit in my day. Like Joaquin Phoenix in every single scene in I’m Still Here. Or any pic of Joaquin Phoenix and Rooney Mara. Take your pick.

Pic: Twitter


Open Post: Hosted By The $12,000 Bottle Of Noah Cyrus’ Tears

September 20, 2018 / Posted by:

Are you a mega rich bitch who is looking for something to waste your money on because you’ve gotten bored with burning it in front of the poor or blending it into lube to use while fucking a $2,000/hour escort in front of the poor? Well, the spawn of hillbilly possum Billy Ray Cyrus and former pro groupie Tish Cyrus has a new and perfect thing for you to waste your cash on while letting everyone know you’ve got more FuckIt money than you need.

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Open Post: Hosted By Duchess Meghan’s Eyes Lighting Up While Looking At Her Wedding Dress

September 19, 2018 / Posted by:

I was all about to cynically hate on Duchess Meghan for saying FUCK YES to the dress with her eyes, but I cannot blame her. My eyes would transform into exploding 4,000 watt Philips Hue light bulbs (in shade: hot ginger) if I was looking at the outfit I was going to wear on the day that I could say goodbye to seeing a late fee on a credit card bill and say hello to happily spreading burn cream on my lips (you decide which ones) after rubbing ’em on the royal ginger crotch scepter every night.

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