Keanu Reeves seems like the nicest man in Hollywood. And you never read about him doing anything stupid except sitting sadly on benches which is stupid of him because he’s so beloved. Keanu’s new catchphrase, as a result of an amusing moment at a video game industry tradeshow appearance, is now “YOU’RE BREATHTAKING!” This plays into the following.
Even though Big Little Lies probably won’t be getting a third season (thank God), somebody forgot to tell Madonna. Maybe she gets really crappy cell reception in Portugal because she clearly did not get the memo. Madonna wasted hours and hours of her precious time making an audition reel for season 3 in which she heads out to the beach wearing a severe bang. Not only that, Madonna, I’m sorry, Madame X, who is practically a black woman herself, is joined by a group of “Black women from the island of Cape Verde, a former Portuguese colony with a central role in the slave trade” (via Refinery29), increasing the black population of Montery from 2 (Zoë Kravitz and her witchy mom), to dozens. Meryl Streep could never.
It’s been a while since Miley Cyrus served up a short stack of unlimited pancakes. After she desperately dumped dirt onto Hannah Montana’s grave by pressing her butt cheeks against Robin Thicke on stage at the MTV VMAs, she twerked everywhere. But then Miley turned into a gee-tar pluckin’ country hippie and she retired her butt. Well, hip-hop Miley is back, which means so is her innate desire to twerk again.
Remember how we told you about the slice made entirely of pizza crusts being sold at an Italian restaurant in New Jersey? Well, here’s a pizza with everything in the middle cut out leaving exclusively the fully-intact outer crust. That’s the pizza choice of Jadakiss.
I’m glad to see that cereal companies don’t give a single fuck about the rise of childhood diabetes in the world–as it’s being reported by Food & Wine that a new cereal is on the horizon. Twinkies cereal, which looks like a cross between fried maggots and uncut penises, may be coming soon, so expect blood sugar levels to get to some dangerous levels.
Last week, it was announced that Friends is leaving Netflix for HBO Max, and that subsequently created a real-life Friends episode called The One Where A Whole Lot Of People Sign Up For An HBO Max Account. But anyone who doesn’t want to beg a friend for their HBO Max password can still get their Friends fix, thanks to a collaboration with Pottery Barn inspired by Rachel’s love of the brand. That’s pretty much the definition of “We don’t need this,” but at least it’s not a Friends-inspired brand collaboration between Smucker’s jam and ground beef.