Category: Kris Jenner

Balenciaga Who? Kim Kardashian Showed Off Some Of Her Favorite Things In Her Haunted Mausoleum

December 1, 2022 / Posted by:

Not having much of a personal investment in the outcome of Kanye West (sorry but mononyms like “Ye” must be earned, not taken) and Kim Kardashian’s divorce, I was surprised to find myself getting a little misty-eyed thinking about the potential fate of their haunted mausoleum which has provided me with many years of much-needed catharsis and amusement. Yet it seems Kim’s friend Foodgod (mononym earned) isn’t the only deity working in/for her favor. Even now that Kanye has been kicked to the curb, Hephaestus, the Greek God of design and creativity, continues to shine his favor on Kim and all she touches and sits her ass on in that barren wasteland she calls a home.

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Kim Kardashian Asked A Doctor To Save Kris Jenner’s Bones During Hip Surgery So She Can Turn Them Into Jewelry

October 20, 2022 / Posted by:

If you ever needed MORE proof that Kim Kardashian and the rest of her sisterly Koven practice the Dark Arts, look no further than her recent request on an episode of scripted soap opera The Kardashians. Apparently, the weight of pimping your daughters out for fame is finally catching up to their mother, Kris Jenner, and she had to have hip-replacement surgery. But instead of showering Kris with love and affection, Kim has decided she wants to take Kris’ bones and turn them into jewelry. However, this isn’t a strange request among the Koven since they talk about death all the time.

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Kim Kardashian Had Sex With Pete Davidson In Front Of A Fireplace As A Tribute To Her Grandma

October 13, 2022 / Posted by:

Most people who are lucky enough to still have living grandparents honor them by not spitting out the purse-linty Starlight Mint that they forced into your mouth or refraining from popping off so hard their pacemaker skips when they mention that they liked that Trump “wasn’t a politician.” But if you’re a celebrity whose entire life is built upon that time you fucked someone and made sure the world got to see it,  you bond with your grandmother by casually chatting about the setting of your sexcapades. On the most recent episode of The Kardashians on Hulu, Kim Kardashian and her grandmother, Mary Jo, “MJ” Shannon, had a jovial conversation about Kim and her most recent ex, Pete Davidson, banging fireside. 

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Khloé Kardashian Once Turned Down A Proposal From Tristan Thompson And Her Sisters Are “Concerned” That’s She’s Gotten “Very” Skinny

September 29, 2022 / Posted by:

Watch out, world! Khloé Kardashian is officially too skinny for prime time streaming in the background at a budget nail salon that reeks of acrylic glue and economic exploitation. The most chimeric of all The Kardashians, the one with the kaleidoscope face, has been told by MULTIPLE SIBLINGS that they’re concerned that she’s gotten “really skinny,” much to her feigned shock and surprise. This coming from the same family who she claims once told her she was too fat for “their brand while doing promotion for her now-defunct solo reality hosting gig, Revenge Body. Well, Kris Jenner better prepare to eat her hat because it turns out Khloé CAN take a note after all. And it’s not like Khloé’s going to help her eat it. Do you know how many calories are in an average chapeau?

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Ray J Claims That He And Kim Kardashian Made Three Sex Tapes And Kris Jenner Chose The One That Was Released To The Public

September 12, 2022 / Posted by:

In news that probably surprises no one, Ray J has some more words for Kris Jenner after her recent appearance on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Kris took a lie detector test and was asked if she helped leak her daughter Kim Kardashian and Ray J’s sex tape. Kris denied it and the lie detector claimed she was telling the truth. Well, that made Ray J dig into his box of treasured memories and pull out ALL of the receipts. And in a very long, very angry video he posted to Instagram, Ray talked about the behind-the-scenes details and they all point to Kim and Kris being just as responsible as he is for inflicting their sex tape upon the world.

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Kris Jenner Took A Lie Detector Test And Was Asked If She Was Behind The Release Of Kim Kardashian’s Sex Tape

September 9, 2022 / Posted by:

It comes as no surprise that our lives were ultimately downgraded once the entire Kardashian Koven was thrust upon us. And one of the most pivotal moments of their origin story was the infamous sex tape starring a bored-looking Kim Kardashian and weird tattoo aficionado Ray J. For many years people have speculated that Kim’s mother Kris Jenner was the person who brought this masterpiece of cinema into our lives, which is something she’s denied for years. And now, to put the rumors to bed (pun intended) once and for all Kris has strapped on a lie detector test to prove to everyone she had nothing to do with it.

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