It’s time to do a post mortem on the Kardashians. OK, simmer down. I just meant it’s time to discuss what was behind the cancellation of Keeping Up With the Kardashians after 20 seasons. Unfortunately, it’s not because the world has turned sour on the exploits of America’s preeminent family of grifters (basic cable edition). According to TMZ, The Koven feat Kris Jenner basically told E! “Thanks, we’ve got it from here” after deciding their various social media outlets are a sufficient platform for hawking their sundry business ventures. So they’re taking old KUWTK out back, shooting it in the head and shipping the carcass off to the glue factory. Check the label on Kylie Jenner’s new line of lip kits very carefully, it’s definitely NOT vegan.
After reading that headline, I know what you’re thinking: “Maybe it had to do with you being an asshole?” But even years after their divorce, Caitlyn Jenner––for absolutely no reason other than to ~seemingly~ keep her name out there––is still talking about her marriage to Kris Jenner in the most recent episode of Rob Lowe’s podcast, “Why? Literally! With Rob Lowe”.
The Pimp. The Mama. The Kris. In 2007, these three facets of Kris Jenner’s personality converged into an Unholy Trinity, culminating in one of the most iconic momager moments of all time. While Kim Kardashian posed ass-out for a Playboy photoshoot, Kris, armed with her own camera (pink, digital), uttered the line, “Kim, you’re doing amazing, sweetie.”
Since then, the Internet has memed the crap outta that ridiculous scene. This is why I’m surprised it took Kris thirteen long Kardashian-Jenner-filled years to cash in on that shit! Last week she finally clued in and filed docs to trademark the catchphrase. According to TMZ, Kris intends to slap it on products like makeup, clothing, home goods, books, magazines, and baby products. Oh god, will an entire generation of children learn to toilet train using “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” potties?!
Just a minute after Kanye West got a visit from Justin Bieber of all people, it appears he has done an about-face on his earlier feelings about his wife, tweeting out an apology to Kim Kardashian and thanking her for her genuine love. And Kanye also reportedly went off to San Francisco, went to the ER in Wyoming, and later got checked out by paramedics at his ranch. Lately it seems like there’s A LOT going on in the life of Kanye, but the past 24 hours have really been A LOT.
I don’t know how Kanye West thinks he’s going to be President of the United States when he can’t even follow through with a single promise he’s made to the American people. Today his 10th studio album, Donda: With Child, was supposed to drop. But according to Us Weekly, when they went to look for it online, eager listeners found only tumbleweeds and the dust off Dave Chappelle’s shoes when he booked it out of there. Donda’s overdue. And while Us reports that Kanye did in fact see a doctor on Monday, he wasn’t able to induce him. All the doctor did was determine that Kanye “did not need immediate hospitalization,” with “immediate” doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. I guess Kanye was too busy gassing up his armada of Elon Musk-looking tanks while ignoring his wife’s phone calls (per TMZ). Is this the person you want not answering the phone at 3:00 AM? I know I’ve made up my mind, Kanye is not getting my vote come November!
Kanye West spent his Monday evening going after Kris Jenner’s parenting skills and accusing Kris of plotting with Kim Kardashian to have him locked up. On Tuesday night, he called her “Kris Jong-un.” Kim Kardashian spoke about Kanye’s actions, saying that he lives every day with bipolar disorder, and that things have been made more complicated by isolation in quarantine. So with that being said, plenty of people have accepted Kanye’s Twitter activity as a bi-polar moment playing out in real-time.
Blac Chyna, a long-time member of the Kardashian ESAPs (ex-spouses and partners), has released a statement regarding Kanye’s current situation. And she would like all of us to know that none of us should be writing off Kanye’s comments as just some random side-effect of his mental health struggles.