Invariably, the worst food you will eat at any given Super Bowl party are nachos. Somebody’s always trying to be cute and do too much. And by the time they come around to you, they are a soggy, sticky mess that have been touched by way too many bare hands and you have no idea what you’re supposed to be eating. You’ll be all “Is this a garbanzo bean? And what is this… pineapple?!?!” Yet apparently, every single one of the movie studios that paid for a spot during yesterday’s game signed up to bring nachos. So we got served a dozen sloppy variations of cheese on chips when all anybody really wants are some hard-fried chicken wings and a cold beer. To which the studios all said “go fish,” and handed us a plate of Tropical Tuna Fiesta Surprise nachos instead (I’m looking at you, Air. Viola Davis is owed an apology).
Well, now I get why Ben Affleck wasn’t feeling very festive at the Grammys, and it had nothing to do with his relationship with Jennifer Lopez. I have just watched the trailer for Ben’s upcoming film Air, which he directed and which stars his work wife, Matt Damon, and if you had put your heart and soul into the work, and even went so far as to give yourself the same Ogilvie Home Perm my mom used to rock back in the day, and this was the result? Well, then, you’d look miserable too. The movie is about two Nike bros who save the ailing company by exploiting Michael Jordan’s popularity. I know Viola Davis, who plays MJ’s mom in this, looked perfectly happy at the Grammys, but she probably only had to roll through for a couple of hours for her scenes. She’s not that invested, and why should she be? She already done had herses (EGOT). So naturally she wasn’t clenching her ass cheeks all night waiting for the trailer about the other shoe to drop. But Ben earned his misery fair and square.
Viola Davis won a Grammy for Best Audio Book, Narration, and Storytelling Recording for her memoir, Finding Me. The 57-year-old actress can add the golden gramophone to her awards shelf, which is about to collapse from the weight of her Emmy, BAFTA Award, Golden Globe, six SAG Awards, Oscar, BET Award, Drama Desk Award, seven NAACP Image Awards, and two Tony Awards. Wait. WAIT. Emmy… Oscar… Tony… and now, Grammy?! EOTG! I mean, EGOT! Viola Davis is an EGOT winner!
Cate Blanchett Calls For The End Of Televised Awards Shows While Accepting A Critics Choice Award On The CW…
The Critics Choice Awards aired on The CW last night, and a not-so-surprising guest crashed that shit like, “Bitch, I’m STILL here.” I’m talking about COVID-19. Nominees Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, and Jamie Lee Curtis, as well as presenter Michelle Pfeiffer, had to sit the show out after testing positive for Coronavirus. COVID-19 didn’t fuck with Cate Blanchett, though. She showed up to last night’s ceremony, won Best Actress for her performance in Tár, and used some of her time on stage to praise all actresses in the business and also declared that we need to finally call the time of death on the “televised horse race” known as awards shows. And then Cate galloped away with her Critics Choice Award in hand to place it right next to her two Oscars, three BAFTAs, four Golden Globes, three SAG Awards, and many other horse race prizes.
Jennifer Lawrence Is Getting Dragged For Saying Nobody Put A Female Star In An Action Movie Before “The Hunger Games”
Jennifer Lawrence and Viola Davis interviewed each other for Variety’s Actors on Actors. Apparently, they’re both getting awards show buzz; Jennifer for the extremely depressing-looking indie, Causeway, and Viola for the historical epic, The Woman King. The actresses talked about their craft, doing press, and the challenges that come with starring in action flicks. 32-year-old Jennifer says that when she was filming The Hunger Games (2012), “nobody had ever put a woman in the lead of an action movie” because the industry believed “boys cannot identify with a female lead.” Now, I get what she’s trying to say: Hollywood is sexist, and there are way more male action stars. But, um, Hunger Games was only released ten years ago. So Sigourney Weaver, Linda Hamilton, Pam Grier, Uma Thurman, Milla Jovovich, and, hell, even Kate Beckinsale would like a word. Run for cover, JLaw!
I was under the impression that it was a federal law that all media-watching citizens were prohibited from talking even a single ounce of shit about one of Hollywood’s greatest living actresses, Viola Davis. But some people have been cracking jokes and roasting Viola Davis online over her latest role, the 44th First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama. Viola is currently playing the former FLOTUS in Showtime’s anthology series The First Lady, and if the response on social media is to be believed, then Viola is delivering a fire-your-agent-worthy performance. But if you ask Viola, every one of those haters can keep their jokes to themselves, because she’s working her ass off on screen to portray Ms. Obama, and the criticism serves “no purpose” to her.