AnnaSophia Robb (29)
Kate Voegele (36)
Sam Hunt (38)
Nicki Minaj (40)
Chrisette Michele (40)
Ingrid Michaelson (43)
Matthias Schoenaerts (45)
Ian Somerhalder (44)
Dominic Monaghan (46)
Nick Zinner (48)
Corey Taylor (49)
Joy Reid (54)
Tyler Mane (56)
Sinead O’Connor (56)
David Harewood (57)
Teri Hatcher (58)
Pic: Francesco Scavullo/vintage.es
Wendell Pierce (59)
Phil Collen (65)
Rick Baker (72)
Nancy Meyers (73)
John Rubenstein (76)
Graciela Daniele (83)
James Galway (83)
Sam Kinison (1953-1992)
Gregg Allman (1947-2017)
Jim Morrison (1943-1971)
David Carradine (1936-2009)
Flip Wilson (1933-1998)
Sammy Davis, Jr. (1925-1990)
Diego Rivera (1886-1957)
Mary Queen of Scots (1542-1587)
At last night’s People’s Choice Awards (yes, that shit still happens), Shania Twain (yes, that’s Shania Twain) plopped a mound of Poochie’s fur onto her head and got into a custom Rodarte look that paid tribute to her leopard ensemble from the video for That Don’t Impress Me Much. I’m into it, and solely because Shania looks like Jem if Jem became the High Priestess of a cult devoted to worshipping Peg Bundy – Just Jared
Not to be outdone by Shania Twain’s fashion fuckery, Lily Collins showed up to Emily in Paris’ premiere in what looks like the losing look of a Project Runway challenge where designers had to make a Lana Turner-inspired dress out of old tights and pantyhose – Jezebel
Kirk Cameron Is Shocked That Queer-Friendly Libraries Aren’t Interested In Promoting His Children’s Book
Like his sister, Candace Cameron Bure, Kirk Cameron loves God and traditional marriages (translation: he hates gay people). The Christian COVIDiot, who once made headlines for calling homosexuality “unnatural”, has released a new children’s book out called As You Grow. Kirk told Fox News (via Yahoo!) that he’s using his book to fight against the “dangerous” culture American children are being “indoctrinated” into. He claims Bibles are being removed from libraries and schools (as we know, Kirk loves home-schooling), and replaced with “toxic ideas” like “transgenderism, CRT and the 1619 project.” Hoo boy. Now, obviously, many people do not agree with this brand of wackadoo bigotry. This is why Fox News reports (via We Got This Covered) that 50 libraries have turned down Kirk’s request to promote his book by hosting a story hour. Huh. Maybe a Kirk Cameron story hour would do better at a MAGA rally or book-burning?
I hate reporting bad news. I really do. I know sometimes it may seem like I take joy in the suffering of others, but only when they deserve it. I am not a monster. And when the suffering is my own, or that of you, gentle reader, it causes me great pain and emotional distress. Earlier this year, and the three years preceding, I reported on the development of Top Gun 2: Maverick, a movie I was sure would be a flop. Reader— it was no flop. Top Gun 2: OT8 And Lovin’ It went on to become the 5th highest-grossing movie of all time, netting its star, Tom Cruise, more than $100 million earth credits to spend at any Scientology center of his choosing. And so I come now to you, humbled and dispirited, to report that James Cameron’s entry into the pantheon of Sequels to Movies Old Enough to Vote (in middle school elections in this case), Avatar: The Way of Water, is being heralded as “moviemaking & storytelling at its absolute finest,” and Guillermo del Toro has called James a “master at the peak of his power.”
Open Post: Hosted By Kathy Hilton Reapplying Her Lipstick On Stage During Mariska Hargitay’s People’s Choice Awards Acceptance Speech
Anyone who’d been under the impression that Kathy Hilton’s awkward, dim, and out-of-touch rich lady antics were reserved for her quirky and dysfunctional The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills persona would be incorrect; because Kathy also just brought her awkward, dim, and out-of-touch rich lady antics to the 2022 People’s Choice Awards stage. Last night, Kathy and a few of her RHOBH castmates took the stage as presenters, but when it was time to take a few steps back for Mariska Hargitay to give her acceptance speech for “drama TV star of 2022,” Kathy either forgot where she was or gave no fucks about decorum as she applied lipstick while on stage–also while on camera.
The past two Hot Slut of the Months have been animal saviors who heroically saved furry friends from a drowning death. I don’t think we will complete the animal savior trifecta with November’s HSOTM showdown. Unless you count Paula Abdul as a sparkly savior who saved us from drowning in the boredom of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. Usually, an HSOTM contest is made up of three finalists, who got the most Facebook likes, and a fourth picked by me. This month, because of a Facebook-like tie, there are five HSOTM choices to choose from. So prepare to feel your brain shake with the pressure of choosing an HSOTM out of ALL these extra choices (read: just one)!
The Rear Window Car Louver, the car accessory of pure elegance that lets other drivers on the road know that you’re a climate change activist (because those shades keep cars cooler) and a purveyor of auto sophistication.
The Stick-Horse Riding Owl, the owl who gave the people of a Eureka, Ilinois neighborhood a rodeo show in the sky by flying around on a stick horse. Giddyup, giddyup, cowboy owl (cowbowl?)! Yeeeee-WHOOOO–WHOOO!
Pringles Pop Box, the little plastic carrying case that held a couple of servings of Pringles, which doesn’t make sense since everyone knows that “one serving” of Pringles is “an entire can that you deep throat into your stomach bag!”
Darcie, the dachshund who faced a GREAT MIGHTY WALL (read: a baby gate her human set up) before her and easily conquered that bitch by using her dog brother Benson as a step stool and jumping over it. I bet the ghost of Constantine the Great is happy that Darcie and Benson weren’t around back then because if they were, she would’ve easily bounced over the Walls of Constantinople.
Paula Abdul’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Performance, the tap-synching sequined-covered acid trip EXTRAVAGANZA that Paula Abdul delivered in front of a Jennie-O turkey float. My Thanksgiving Morning cardio was biting my nails as Paula Abdul’s dancers picked her ass up and carried her through the air. Paula is an American treasure and messy icon, they needed to slap a bedazzled “Handle With Care” sign on her!
Voting is below. The winning HSOTM will be named in Crumbs and in this space next Wednesday. December 14!