And as a fucking attempted coup goes down, here’s some fluffiest fluff fluff fluff.

Online dating effing blows. It actually destroys a teeny piece of your soul each time you’re rejected by some bonehead who lives in a basement apartment with his brother who says he’s a writer but has only ever worked at the pizza restaurant two blocks from your apartment. And then you’re forced to see him every single day for the next four years, cuz the restaurant windows are huge, and that’s the route you take to get home from the subway. And the food there actually looks delicious, but you can never go in because it’s always that schmuck Damian slingin’ their scrumptious pizza pies straight outta the wood burning oven!

Phew! ANYWAY, comedian Nikki Glaser was on The Drew Barrymore Show earlier this week, and the topic turned to dating apps. That’s when THEE Drew Barrymore revealed that even she, a former Charlie’s Angel, had been stood up by some loser on a celebrity dating app (*cough* Raya). 

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Inverse has an oral history of the 1996 movie 12 Monkeys and it turned into an anal history thanks to director, Terry Gilliam. Terry revealed that he almost didn’t cast Bruce Willis in the movie because Bruce’s mouth looks too much like an asshole. Well, Bruce Willis does have a reputation for spewing shit.

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The Screen Actors Guild Awards honors the year’s achievements in film and TV acting. Their trophy is a little like an Oscar, in that it features a naked man, but the SAG has the unique distinction of having an absolutely tremendous ass, and also he’s holding two masks: comedy and tragedy. Today, that cheeked-up statue is choosing the sad mask, because the SAGs just hit a scheduling snag, and it’s all because the Recording Academy just moved the Grammy Awards to the same night as the SAG Awards.

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Yesterday, we learned that the genuine and organic love between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West was “essentially over.” And after that rumor came out, the silicone floodgates opened and there’s been story after story about how they’re done and a divorce is coming faster than Pimp Mama Kris over all the attention this latest story arc is getting. There’s a lot and Jeffree Star even makes an appearance, so bring an extra jug of holy water because this one is every kind of dark-sided.

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Dr. Dre is currently in the hospital, and no, it’s not to deal with a chronic shoulder muscle injury he sustained while dramatically whipping the prenup his estranged wife Nicole Young claimed he tore up. It’s because Dr. Dre suffered a brain aneurysm on Monday night, and was rushed to a hospital in Los Angeles. The good news for Dr. Dre is that his diagnosis looks good, and he’s recovering. The bad news is, while he was in the hospital, his house almost got robbed. And even when he finally gets discharged from his hospital room, his brain won’t get much of a rest. Because he still has to deal with the never-ending headache that is his ongoing messy divorce.

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