Night Crumbs

/ January 17, 2019

People’s sources want you to know that Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s spouses knew all about them fucking months before we did and it was worked out then. In between running one of the biggest companies in the world, humping on his side piece-turned-main piece, and trying to destroy Superman, it’s amazing how Jeff Bezos actually has time to call into People as a “source” – Celebitchy

Bradley Cooper’s forehead is looking Botox fresh, which would make sense, because I don’t think he wants us to see him make a frown face every time he loses Best Actor at another awards show this season – Lainey  Gossip

Lucy Hale is working the current uniform of Los Angeles, which is “receptionist at a forklift supplier coming into work in the morning”Popoholic

Gregg Araki’s new TV show is either going to be bad in a good way or bad in a bad way – Towleroad

The name “Jayde Nicole” is not one I thought I’d read in 2019, but here we are – (NSFWish) Drunken Stepfather

I want to know more about this negotiation between R. Kelly and Dave Chappelle’s goons – Pajiba

Seeing as though Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright from Vanderump Rules are probably only going to be married for a whole 15 minutes, and California law states that anything made during the marriage is split 50/50, I don’t think it’s a big deal that they’re not getting a prenup – Reality Tea

Because of those glasses and that stache, Zac Efron is giving me unauthorized George Michael Ken doll – OMG Blog

So which Monopoly token is Kevin Hart going to play? – Just Jared

Kellogg’s should be arrested for scamming us by selling a Peeps cereal that looks nothing like Peeps – SOW

Pic: Wenn.com

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Prince Philip, Who Is 97 Years Old, Is Still Driving And Got Into A Crash 

/ January 17, 2019

Before we get into the details of this accident, let’s go over some things:

  1. Prince Philip is 97 years old.
  2. Prince Philip is married to the fucking Queen of England.
  3. Prince Philip is reportedly worth $30 million, and his wife is worth a ton more.

Add all that up together and it equals: OLE’ ASS COOT SHOULDN’T BE DRIVING HIMSELF! The other PP should be chauffeured in a gold chariot as royal minions hand feed him Werther’s Originals. But Prince Philip still drives, and he was behind the wheel of his Land Rover today when he got into a crash and it flipped like he does whenever a photographer takes too fucking long to take his goddamn picture. And because Prince Philip is invincible, he walked away without any injuries.

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A Family Of Terrible Tourists Has Been Terrorizing New Zealand

/ January 17, 2019

Unbeknownst to most of the world, Kiwi Twitter has been aflutter in recent weeks with tales and sightings of a family of tourists who have been wreaking havoc (ok, brazen rudeness) up and down the coast of New Zealand. No attraction from was safe from the group, popularly known as The Bad Family. Don’t worry, they aren’t Americans! They are either British or Irish, nobody seems to know for sure, and neither country wants to claim them. According to a recent exposé by Slate, TBF first made their presence known when a woman saw them littering, and confronted them at a beach in Auckland. That’s when the family of about 12, first showed their asses. Imagine a shirtless little 9-year-old boy coming at you like Cardi. B up in the club.

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Calm Down, America, Marie Kondo Isn’t Trying To “Fahrenheit 451” Your Books

/ January 17, 2019

Not since Lauren Conrad showed America she’s a first degree literature MURDERER has the U.S.  been this pissed! Tidying Up starring Marie Kondo involves telling people to get rid of shit that no longer brings them joy, and she always tells people to go through cluttered bookcases and toss the books they’re no longer as connected with. People took to social media to accuse Marie of being a one-woman army of trying to make the U.S. illiterate. Well, even more illiterate, since the president can’t spellhamburger.” Marie now says the whole thing is a misunderstanding. Continue reading

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Nikki Sixx’s 60-Year-Old Jizz Has Still Got It (Even After He Got A Vasectomy Years Ago)

/ January 17, 2019

Seen above looking like a Bizzaro World Megan Fox and Billy Ray Cyrus, Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe and his 33-year-old wife of about four years, Courtney Sixx, are getting ready to slather their first baby in a leopard print onesie, a leather headband, and White Rain hairspray. Scratch that last one, actually. This is Nikki Sixx’s kid we’re talking about. That baby is going to secrete White Rain hairspray from their head pores, naturally. Nikki and Courtney have let the world know that she’s got his fifth baby brewing in her womb, even though he got his baby batter tube snipped years ago.

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Les Moonves Is Going To Fight CBS’ Decision To Deny His $120 Million Severance

/ January 17, 2019

If Julie Chen is going to be marooned on Big Brother island, she better be compensated for it, dammit! Juile’s husband, ex-CBS head Les Moonves, and his reputation went down in a flaming pile of Ronan Farrow fever. Ronan’s reporting unmasked years of sexual misconduct allegations against Les, and Les was told to scram. He seemed to take it all in stride since he was still up for a $120 million severance package, but CBS decided to nip that in the bud since, well, they’re probably needing the cash to pay the lawyers handling the OTHER pervs they once had on the payroll. We didn’t hear much from Les after he was told “Hard pass!” on the request for his severance, but now he’s back challenging the ruling keeping him away from millions.

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