Duchess Meghan Admitted It Hasn’t Been “Easy” Getting People To Accept Her As Prince Harry’s Wife

/ July 16, 2019

Ever since Duchess Meghan married Prince Harry, it seems like there’s been no end to the stories about Meghan’s alleged demanding, difficult, stuck-up, spoiled, wasteful, too-Hollywood, diva duchess ways, etc… We’re barely a year out from the day Meghan married Harry, and every day since, the British press has basically been that aunt who lowers her sunglasses dramatically and hisses, “Oh you’re NEVER going to guess what she’s been up to now.” So nobody should have been surprised when Meghan recently spoke about her relationship and implied it hasn’t been all red carpets and tiaras.

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R. Kelly Was Denied Bail After Pleading “Not Guilty” In Federal Case

/ July 16, 2019

Robert Sylvester Kelly pleaded not guilty today to federal child pornography and sex trafficking charges. According to TMZ he was denied bail even though his attorney Steve Greenberg essentially argued that he’s too broke, dumb, and scared to jump bond. The judge sided with the prosecution who suggested it was best if Robert keep his pants on (in this case, a bright orange jumpsuit, sadly not pictured) for the time being and remain in jail.

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Grimes Claims She Got Eye Surgery To Prevent Seeing Blue Light

/ July 16, 2019

It’s no secret that Elon Musk wants to build a spaceship and go to Mars. But I’m starting to think it’s not because he’s into space travel, but because he really wants to fuck a martian. This is based solely off his current girlfriend, Grimes, who might just have outed herself as humanity’s closest DNA match to an extra-terrestrial.

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Kate Winslet Was Moved To Tears Upon Learning One Of Her Ancestors Was Poor

/ July 16, 2019

Kate Winslet is very, very rich but she doesn’t self-identity as rich. She would much rather you think of her as a poor person who just so happens to have a lot of money. In fact, Kate’s so poor on the inside, she’s practically descended from slaves, a fact she cried upon learning when it was revealed to her on the BBC genealogy show Who Do You Think You Are?.

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Open Post: Hosted By Twinkies Cereal, Which May Become An Actual Thing

/ July 16, 2019

I’m glad to see that cereal companies don’t give a single fuck about the rise of childhood diabetes in the world–as it’s being reported by Food & Wine that a new cereal is on the horizon. Twinkies cereal, which looks like a cross between fried maggots and uncut penises, may be coming soon, so expect blood sugar levels to get to some dangerous levels.

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Whoopi Goldberg No Longer Sees Well Enough To Drive

/ July 16, 2019

It happens to us all! As we age, our bodies deteriorate and we aren’t able to do all the same things we used to. Joints creak as we go up stairs. We aren’t able to hop fences like we did as teenagers. You have to go, “What did you say?”, but also say, “Can you turn that music down?” Well 63-year-old Whoopi Goldberg seems to have reached a milestone in the aging process: getting too old to drive. Whoopi revealed that she no longer drives herself because her eyesight is not what it used to be. Which seems like a blessing in my opinion, because now she can get stoned in the back seat while someone else drives her everywhere–ideal! And that’s maybe why she looks at “rape” and asks  “Is that rape rape?,” because she can’t see it too well.

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