Tom Cruise, the King, Queen, Prince, Princess, Duke, Duchess, and (insert every other royal title here) of Scientology, apparently was “secret friends” with THE QUEEN of England before her death at 96 in September. Not only does he play a special agent with super stealth skills in the Mission: Impossible franchise, but apparently, he treats his special friendships with a lot of secrecy as well. Sources claim Tommy and THE QUEEN (not to be confused with Tommy and THE QUEEF, aka Tom Cruise and David Miscavige) became friends over the summer. Queen Elizabeth’s husband, Prince Philip, died last year, so shameless Tommy was probably trying to woo THE QUEEN into signing on to be his next wife!
Mike Rinder’s New Book Gets Into How Scientology Dealt With The John Travolta Gay Rumors, Tried To Woo David Beckham, And Alienated Tom Cruise From Nicole Kidman
Mike Rinder, former high-level Scientologist and co-host of the A&E docuseries, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, has a new book. It’s called A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology, and it promises to that expose “the dark, dystopian truth about Scientology.” Fun! The book just came out, so there are a bunch of headlines making the rounds today.
For example, those John Travolta gay rumors. 67-year-old Mike claims that, back in the day, he was chatting to John in a hotel suite when a male masseur walked in the room and kissed John on the mouth. Whoops! Then there’s the failed wooing of David and Victoria Beckham. Apparently, Tom Cruise wanted David to be in Scientology so bad that he built a soccer field. But it didn’t work. Whomp, whomp! Finally, there’s the Nicole Kidman stuff. Mike claims that David Miscavige felt Tom was pulling away from the cult while filming Eyes Wide Shut with Nicole in London, so he sent one of his cronies to “audit” Tom. The audit drew Tom back into Scientology and created a distance between him and his wife. Obviously, Scientology denies all of Mike’s allegations. They tell Page Six that he’s an “inveterate liar.” Google says “inveterate” means: “chronic, deep-seated.” So that’s two words Scientology has taught me: “inveterate” and “glib.” Continue reading
Jon Hamm recently sat down for an interview with Entertainment Tonight to promote that new Fletch movie, and he talked, nay, bragged about the success of Top Gun: Maverick. In case you haven’t seen it, Jon plays a by-the-book admiral who constantly tsk-tsks that ne’rer-do-well Tom Cruise. Last weekend, the movie set another box office record; it’s now the only film ever to have topped the U.S. box office on both Memorial Day and Labor Day. 51-year-old Jon told ET that its success is “unprecedented,” especially because “it doesn’t have somebody in a cape or on a spaceship.” He says Top Gun is “a story about real people.” Yeah, real people who fly through the skies like superheroes and spaceships.
I knew it would only be a matter of time before Tom Cruise decided to shift his career into a different arena, but I never guessed he might do some kind of genre mash-up. Most of us know him for his action films because the man will leap and prance across obstacles like the proudest gazelle, as Gene Kelly smiles down upon him from that great dance floor in the sky. And now, with the help of producer Christopher McQuarrie Tom will have an opportunity to introduce the world to his alter ego Tommy Two-Step as he prepares to star in a few upcoming projects, including a musical.
Despite the massive boycott (okay, by “massive” I mean just me) against Top Gun: Maverick for not including Kelly McGillis yet giving us the poster douche for “I Need An Adult!” (read: Miles Teller with a mustache), it has become a massive hit. Personally, I’m saving my coins for the porn parody Power Top Gun: Mavdick and its follow-up Bossy Bottom Gun, but many did not, and it’s made over $1 billion worldwide since its release in May. It’s also Tom Cruise’s biggest money-making movie, and because of this and his deal, Little Alien Lord Tommy has become even richer. But still, I’m with the talking Michael Myers’ Party City mask that is Mickey Rourke. That mega-rich trick who has the biggest movie of the year is “irrelevant!”
New Suppressive Person just dropped! Piers Morgan tried to remake Battlefield Earth in his studio by inviting Mickey Rourke on his show, Piers Morgan Uncensored, where he glibly goaded him into talking shit about Tom Cruise. Mickey, who appears to be coming for Bruce Willis’ retracted bulk Razzie nomination with 10 dubious-looking IMDB credits in either pre or post-production slated for 2023, told Piers that he thinks Tom is “irrelevant in [his] world.” Considering that Tom’s practically a God in his, this is not the War of the Worlds remake we need right now. But I suppose it’s one we deserve for throwing all our little dollars at Top Gun: Maverik this summer. Mickey also accused Tom of “doing the same f’ing part for 35 years,” and said he wants to be an actor more like “Monty Cliff, or Brando back in the day,” which is encouraging. We might be able to avoid a full-scale intergalactic conflict by gently encouraging Mickey to look in a mirror and telling him what year it is.