Actually, to correctly quote Us Weekly’s cover story, notable Scientologists like Tom Cruise, John Travolta, and Kirstie Alley are allegedly TRAPPED FOR LIFE!!!!! But, of course, they’re not being held hostage since we’re talking about the rich and famous-ish Scientologists – standard Scientology rules don’t apply. According to a source, they’re not exactly free either. Apparently Scientology is a lot like The Eagles’ Hotel California; you can check-in, but you can never leave.
In an interview with Vulture last month, Thandie Newton talked about what it was like working with Tom Cruise on Mission: Impossible 2, saying that he was very type-A, came off as a “dominant individual,” and could manifest giant zits in the span of hours. Thandie said he “tries super hard to be a nice person,” though, so it wasn’t all bad. Thandie also mentioned a moment where Tom was so frustrated with her acting, which she blamed on shitty dialogue, that he showed her how she should do the scene. The whole experience only further intimidated Thandie and pushed her into a place of “terror and insecurity.”
Thandie talked about her Tom comments, saying that she thought she would get a lot of backlash for it. But she really didn’t care because as a Black, 47-year-old actress, she expected to be put out to pasture by now anyway. Hollywood has evolved! Now they only do that when a woman turns 50.
Running. I think we can all agree that this activity sucks and all the people who insist, “the rush is amazing, you gotta get into it, Emily!” are likely undiagnosed psychopaths. Enter Tom Cruise, one of the most famous runners in the movie biz. Scientology’s Messiah is to sprinting as Christopher Walken is to dancing. He does it a lot.
Now, actress Annabelle Wallis, who co-starred with Tom in 2017’s stinker reboot of The Mummy, is following in the footsteps of Thandie Newton and Rob Lowe and spilling some tea on Tommy’s quirks. Annabelle revealed to The Hollywood Reporter that Tom doesn’t like anyone running in the same shot as him. Which is less gross than the magic zit, but still strange.
Leah Remini, Scientologist turned Scientology’s biggest enemy after critical thinking, has long been a thorn in Scientology’s Thetan-covered asshole, and recently, she’s really been going in on its crown prince Tom Cruise. Leah has accused Tommy of being a brown-headed Ellen DeGeneres since he pushes the nice guy image but is really a diabolical troll monster who tortures other Scientologists and is morphing into a clone of Scientology’s evil overlord David Miscavige. And now Leah Remini is speculating that Tommy’s brain has sharted up a “master plan” involving his estranged daughter Suri Cruise. Oh, Leah, don’t ruin Katie Holmes’ Biden/Harris-induced O by putting that dark-sided theory into the galaxy!
Former Scientologist turned anti-Scientology warrior queen, Leah Remini, talked to Us Weekly and reiterated how Tom Cruise isn’t the “nice guy” everyone thinks he is. Leah also accused the ruling disciples of L. Ron Hubbard of stopping her new Scientology special from airing in Australia. Damn! Even Lindsay Lohan can get on TV in Australia!
There are a lot of motherfuckers in Hollywood who should be investing in the continued health and well being of Thandie Newton. They (and they know who they are) might consider signing her up for a vitamin of the month club or something because in a recent Vulture interview, Thandie let it be known that she’s got a “little black book, which will be published on my deathbed.” Thandie has been through the wringer and has thankfully come out the other side a self-possessed queen who will shank you, with extreme Britishness, with the word “love.” But nothing she endured could prepare her for the harrowing experience of starring opposite a pulsating zit on the tip of Tom Cruise’s nose.