Category: Ana de Armas
Here Are Some Of The Looks From The Dueling Carpets From Last Night’s Oscar Celebrations
Two carpets, both alike in dignity
(In fair Hollywood, where we lay our scene),
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil shoes make civil rugs unclean.
It’s crazy how those words by William Shakespeare are still as true today as they were in 1996 when we finally understood them thanks to Baz Luhrmann‘s Romeo + Juliet. And this morning, as the sun rose over the detritus of last night’s Oscars celebrations, one carpet emerged victorious and unblemished by the unsightly stains of blood and mud and whatever it was that Fine Ass Jonathan Majors had in his tiny silver sipping cup. For reasons we may only understand after Baz makes a movie about it, after weeks of torrential rain, the Academy of Motion Picture Sciences decided this was the year to break with a 64-year tradition and pull the Red Carpet out from under our feet in exchange for a Champagne Industrial Rug. For revenge, Florence Pugh could barely be bothered to dress for the big event so she just brushed her ponytail to the front and grabbed a beige duvet cover out of the dirty laundry for the Oscars, saving her pink comforter for the Blue Carpet at the Vanity Fair after party.
“Blonde” Named Worst Picture At The Razzies
It’s OSCUH Day!! Who is going to be crowned prom king and queen of Hollywood? We only have a scant few hours to find out. In the meantime, the Academy Awards’ ugly sister the Razzies has already taken place, so we finally know who got the pig’s blood dropped on them. And the winner is…Blonde! I wonder if Ana de Armas and the film crew told Marilyn Monroe’s grave that they were getting her blessing for making the worst film of 2022.
Here Are Some Of The Wet And Wild Looks From The 2023 Golden Globes Red Carpet
Did somebody say FASHUN?!? Well, say it louder next time, I don’t think the folks in the back heard you over the din of shitfaced celebrities using the Golden Globes’ phenomenal flame out last year as an excuse to load up on free champagne, talk shit, and network with fellow survivors of the Great Los Angeles Deluge of 2023. However, a few stars heard the call to bare arms (regretfully, ladies only. Where was Timothée Chalamet with his scrumptious little back meats!?) and used the opportunity to challenge their stylists to come up with a look that simultaneously screams “I’m the greatest star” and “I am being pranked by my stylist, aren’t I.” Meanwhile, the real jackasses pulling one over on these celebrities are the goon-squad of aestheticians going around convincing them to donate their precious buccal fat reserves “for charity.” Sad truth is that only a tiny portion of their donations actually make it to starving children in need. Sorry, Wednesday‘s Jenna Ortega, your generous donation is now just padding for some ghoul’s pocket. Also, I think your parachute got a little turned around. Must have been the wind.
Here’s The Trailer For “John Wick: Chapter 4” Starring Keanu Reeves Who Might Also Appear In The Ana de Armas Led Spin-Off “Ballerina”
Like, off the top of my head, if you asked me what the John Wick movies are about, I’d just list a bunch of things like Keanu Reeves, dogs, guns, swords, rain, code words, horses, museum display cases, and Halle Berry that one time. The “plot” is so ephemeral and unimportant, they’re essentially impressionist paintings of murder and mayhem. The trailer for John Wick: Chapter 4 is no different, except it’s got Bill Skarsgård that one time instead of Halle Berry, and my impression is that it looks like a Pissarro. And I’m gonna watch the shit out of it just like I have the previous three. This means I’ll probably also watch the Degas -nspired spin-off Ballerina starring Ana de Armas, in which Keanu “is expected to make an appearance,” to see if he can help Ana break the curse we can only assume Jennifer Lynn Affleck placed upon her career.
The Director Of “Blonde” Called “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” A Movie About “Well-Dressed Whores”
Even though Tom Hanks started the pandemic, I don’t think there’s an actor in Hollywood whose career has been more affected by it than Ana De Armas. Just as she was about to soar to new heights like a phoenix rising from the ashes of Ben Affleck’s back, lofted up, up, up to the stars by Daniel Craig’s propulsive Knives Out Foghorn Leghorn accent, the entire industry fell out of the sky and landed squarely on Daniel’s Peppa Pig No Time To Die accent, which was supposed to be Ana’s next big break, delaying that film’s release two entire years. Then came the snails *shiver*. Now, as if two cursed projects weren’t enough, in walks Blonde to a chorus of “BUT WHY?”s, and I’m not just talking about the talking fetus that gave Netflix the vapors. Well, unfortunately for Ana, her Blonde director Andrew Dominik answered that question in an interview with the British Film Institute in which he reduces Marilyn and Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to “well-dressed whores.” Ana, I know you believe in ghosts so believe me when I tell you— Ana you in danger, girl!
Ana de Armas And The “Blonde” Crew Visited Marilyn Monroe’s Grave To Ask Permission To Film The Movie
Is Oscar season in September? Because Ana de Armas seems to be really buckling the fuck in and has chosen the ghost narrative pretty hard. She previously spoke about how she felt Marilyn Monroe‘s spirit was with her during the filming of her new film Blonde out in select theatres now and out next week on Netflix. But now Ana says that she also visited Marilyn’s grave to ask for permission. For someone who claims to hate attention, Ana is saying some questionable things.