Category: Ana de Armas

Here Are Some Of The Wet And Wild Looks From The 2023 Golden Globes Red Carpet

January 11, 2023 / Posted by:

Did somebody say FASHUN?!? Well, say it louder next time, I don’t think the folks in the back heard you over the din of shitfaced celebrities using the Golden Globes’ phenomenal flame out last year as an excuse to load up on free champagne, talk shit, and network with fellow survivors of the Great Los Angeles Deluge of 2023. However, a few stars heard the call to bare arms (regretfully, ladies only. Where was Timothée Chalamet with his scrumptious little back meats!?) and used the opportunity to challenge their stylists to come up with a look that simultaneously screams “I’m the greatest star” and “I am being pranked by my stylist, aren’t I.” Meanwhile, the real jackasses pulling one over on these celebrities are the goon-squad of aestheticians going around convincing them to donate their precious buccal fat reserves “for charity.” Sad truth is that only a tiny portion of their donations actually make it to starving children in need. Sorry, Wednesday‘s Jenna Ortega, your generous donation is now just padding for some ghoul’s pocket. Also, I think your parachute got a little turned around. Must have been the wind.

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Here’s The Trailer For “John Wick: Chapter 4” Starring Keanu Reeves Who Might Also Appear In The Ana de Armas Led Spin-Off “Ballerina”

November 10, 2022 / Posted by:

Like, off the top of my head, if you asked me what the John Wick movies are about, I’d just list a bunch of things like Keanu Reeves, dogs, guns, swords, rain, code words, horses, museum display cases, and Halle Berry that one time. The “plot” is so ephemeral and unimportant, they’re essentially impressionist paintings of murder and mayhem. The trailer for John Wick: Chapter 4 is no different, except it’s got Bill Skarsgård that one time instead of Halle Berry, and my impression is that it looks like a Pissarro. And I’m gonna watch the shit out of it just like I have the previous three. This means I’ll probably also watch the Degas -nspired spin-off Ballerina starring Ana de Armas, in which Keanu “is expected to make an appearance,” to see if he can help Ana break the curse we can only assume Jennifer Lynn Affleck placed upon her career.

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The Director Of “Blonde” Called “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” A Movie About “Well-Dressed Whores”

September 28, 2022 / Posted by:

Even though Tom Hanks started the pandemic, I don’t think there’s an actor in Hollywood whose career has been more affected by it than Ana De Armas. Just as she was about to soar to new heights like a phoenix rising from the ashes of Ben Affleck’s back, lofted up, up, up to the stars by Daniel Craig’s propulsive Knives Out Foghorn Leghorn accent, the entire industry fell out of the sky and landed squarely on Daniel’s Peppa Pig No Time To Die accent, which was supposed to be Ana’s next big break, delaying that film’s release two entire years. Then came the snails *shiver*. Now, as if two cursed projects weren’t enough, in walks Blonde to a chorus of “BUT WHY?”s, and I’m not just talking about the talking fetus that gave Netflix the vapors. Well, unfortunately for Ana, her Blonde director Andrew Dominik answered that question in an interview with the British Film Institute in which he reduces Marilyn and Jane Russell in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes to “well-dressed whores.” Ana, I know you believe in ghosts so believe me when I tell you— Ana you in danger, girl!

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Ana de Armas And The “Blonde” Crew Visited Marilyn Monroe’s Grave To Ask Permission To Film The Movie

September 21, 2022 / Posted by:

Is Oscar season in September? Because Ana de Armas seems to be really buckling the fuck in and has chosen the ghost narrative pretty hard. She previously spoke about how she felt Marilyn Monroe‘s spirit was with her during the filming of her new film Blonde out in select theatres now and out next week on Netflix. But now Ana says that she also visited Marilyn’s grave to ask for permission. For someone who claims to hate attention, Ana is saying some questionable things.

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Ana de Armas Says Marilyn Monroe’s Spirit Was With Her For The Filming Of “Blonde”

September 9, 2022 / Posted by:

The fictionalized Marilyn Monroe biopic, Blonde, has been a topic of discussion for some time. The film, based on the novel Blonde by Joyce Carol Oates, has got tons of press for being reportedly too nasty and crazy for the people at Netflix. The film is rated NC-17, which means that there might be a visible nut-shot in it because that’s what level that is, and even the book it’s based on has been accused of gratuitously capitalizing on a woman’s tragic life by creating a fictional biography of her that includes rape. But the reviews are in, and after its screening at the Venice Film Festival, Ana de Armas is being praised for her performance as a fictional Marilyn, one person calling it “uncanny.” Which I’m assuming actually means “uncanny, except for the accent. But we have Marilyn herself to thank for this tour-de-force because according to Ana, her spirit was with her during filming. Wow, these ghosts don’t have anything else to do except hang out with actresses?

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The Marilyn Monroe Estate Defends Ana de Armas’ Natural Accent In “Blonde”

August 2, 2022 / Posted by:

It feels like we’ve been threatened with the release of Blonde starring Ana de Armas as Marilyn Monroe (seen above giving me more “Brittany Murphy as Judy Greer’s character in Jawbreaker” than Marilyn) for eons, but maybe I’m just confusing it with all the other 5 million Marilyn Monroe projects that are keeping Marilyn’s memory alive Marilyn from fucking resting already. But Blonde is finally landing on Netflix on September 28, whether we like it or not, and when the first full trailer was released last week, talk went from “WHY DOES THIS EXIST?!” to debate over Ana’s Cuban accent mixing in with her breathy Marilyn voice. The owners of The Marilyn Monroe Estate have taken a side and they have defended Ana’s performance in the trailer, accent and all. But then again, the Estate also defended Kim Kardashian after her nuclear power plant ass destroyed Marilyn’s dress!!!!

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