While, as Michael already pointed out, Prince’s eyes are probably still rolling in their grave after Usher gave him a tribute (still better than what Usher has given to people in the past) at last night’s Grammy Awards, there was one thing that Prince could be proud of. Prince’s fashion DNA was all over the red carpet, right down to the bare asscheeks. The men were having fun at the Grammys, outshining the women with looser expressions of gender and daring accessories. Let the girly-girls like Ariana Grande have their beautiful gowns. With the exception of the Jonas Brothers, the men of the red carpet took risks that paid dividends (the Jonas bros’ bronzed blazers with wives as accessories should file for fashion bankruptcy). Sorry ladies, its the guys time to shine. We already know what boobs look like.
Every electric company in the world was put on high alert yesterday and was told by MTV that there was a great chance all of their systems would shut down from people blasting their ACs to temperature “Mitch McConnell’s no-heart area” because they’d get hit with a scorching blast of organically hot heat shooting off of their TV screens as Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello performed together at the MTV VMAs. But electric companies didn’t experience devastating system shut downs, because instead of feeling the heat from Shawn and Camila’s performance, many of us grabbed a pashmina and a fresh-out-of-the-microwave warming dildo to heat our asses up after we were hit with the frozen fish chemistry of it all.
The year is 2019, and there’s a teddy bear in Naughty by Nature. It’s as confusing a notion as it is a sentence to read. But these are the times we are living in. Time to accept that what once was in the past, will be revisiting us in the present (with a collection of random pop culture barnacles from The Time Tube attached), to confuse future generations. So now NBN (pictured above with their new bear Illtown Sluggaz and Redman) has a Kanye West style College Dropout teddy bear in it, and Treach has gone from excoriating his ex-wife Pepa (of Salt-N-Pepa fame) on Instagram, to parading around in bondage gear and issuing confusing handkerchief codes at the 2019 MTV Video Music Awards. Hip hop hooray?
Bebe Rexha is 29 years old, and as you can see from that cleavage-framing blazer neckline and stripper nails, she’s based part of her personal brand on being sexy. As it turns out, putting all her money on sexy wasn’t a great move. At least according to a male music industry executive she once spoke to. Because according to that executive, Bebe is too old to be sexy.
The Grammys red carpet always looks like an intergalactic space orgy sprinkled with a bunch of random rappers who just rolled out of bed with barely enough time to grab their grill from the bedside table thrown in for good measure. Every year, it’s a mess. Plus you’ve always got legitimate superstars mixed in with a whole lot whosits and whateverhappenedtos. This year’s Grammy red carpet was no exception. I’m trying to sift through some of these looks, and honestly don’t know where to begin.
I’m curious, does anyone know if it’s possible to jump the shark on yourself? Somebody get The Fonz on the line for a little clarification on the matter, because I’m trying to figure out whether Bebe Rexha just killed her blink-and-you-missed-it singing career or cemented herself on a track t0 mini-pop star status when she ripped her audience new assholes without lube at a pre-Grammy event on Thursday night. It’s a 50/50 proposition, right? Continue reading