Twenty years ago, Mary-Louise Parker, Billy Crudup, and Claire Danes were involved in a très public Scandoval; Billy (then 35) left a pregnant Mary-Louise (39) for Claire (24), his co-star in that movie Stage Beauty. The cheaters split in 2006, and last Friday, Billy married Naomi Watts at a Manhattan courthouse. I liked her dress. Anywho, this week, Mary-Louise did an interview with The Guardian and chatted about audiobooks, a potential Weeds reboot, and Botox. As things were winding down, the interviewer asked Mary-Louise for her thoughts on Billy and Naomi’s recent nuptials. Mary-Louise seemed “stunned to be asked about this,” and she quickly responded that she wished them both well. Then, ML’s publicist ended the Zoom interview: “That’s ten minutes!” Bringing up someone’s cheating ex: a fantastic way to kill a conversation.
Did somebody say FASHUN?!? Well, say it louder next time, I don’t think the folks in the back heard you over the din of shitfaced celebrities using the Golden Globes’ phenomenal flame out last year as an excuse to load up on free champagne, talk shit, and network with fellow survivors of the Great Los Angeles Deluge of 2023. However, a few stars heard the call to bare arms (regretfully, ladies only. Where was Timothée Chalamet with his scrumptious little back meats!?) and used the opportunity to challenge their stylists to come up with a look that simultaneously screams “I’m the greatest star” and “I am being pranked by my stylist, aren’t I.” Meanwhile, the real jackasses pulling one over on these celebrities are the goon-squad of aestheticians going around convincing them to donate their precious buccal fat reserves “for charity.” Sad truth is that only a tiny portion of their donations actually make it to starving children in need. Sorry, Wednesday‘s Jenna Ortega, your generous donation is now just padding for some ghoul’s pocket. Also, I think your parachute got a little turned around. Must have been the wind.
An Old Interview Has Resurfaced In Which A Shady Jennifer Lopez Gave Her Thoughts On Some Famous Actresses
It looks like that green Versace dress isn’t the only scandalous thing from Jennifer Lopez’s past that was dragged back out this month after spending two decades tucked away in storage. And I was deliberate with my word choice there, because there’s a whole lot of old dragging courtesy of Jenny from the Block.
It shouldn’t really surprise anyone that the black sheep of the Entertainment industry Lindsay Lohan has crawled out from underneath her bridge to participate in some good old-fashioned trolling after Monday’s Met Gala. She probably scoured the internet for hours picking apart each outfit she found until she came across Zendaya‘s Cinderella-themed look and shouted “A ha! This is how I’ll get attention!” because she is now claiming Zendaya’s entire look is the Market Pantry version of Claire Danes‘ light-up look from 2016’s Met Gala.
Finally, Claire Danes isn’t the ugliest crier in her household. According to the Associated Press, she and husband Hugh Dancy welcomed a new sobbing mess in the form of a baby boy on August 21. I think I read somewhere that newborns don’t actually produce tears and snot when they cry, but I have seen them get all red and rude, so sorry Claire, you must pass the mantle.
Claire announced her recently concluded pregnancy on The Howard Stern Show back in April. This is the couple’s second child, they have a 5-year-old son with three first names, Cyrus Michael Christopher. At the rate they’re going, the world’s supply of common European male Christian names is in peril. If you want to use the names John, William or James anytime in the near future, you better call dibs on them now before the Danes-Dancys do.
I hope Claire makes Jared Leto the Godfather of this baby and he sends her all sorts of over-the=top Gucci onesies, Dolce & Gabbana satin diapers, and a solid gold pacifier. If they make Mandy Patinkin the Godfather, I hope he gives the baby the complete works of Sondheim and a beard grooming kit. And if Hugh’s Hannibal costar Mads Mikkelsen gets the honor, then I hope he gives me his number because I just really need to talk to him. Privately. About some sex things. Sorry if I made this birth announcement weird and about me, but I have needs.
There were some real upside down and sideways looks on display at the The Council of Fashion Designers of America awards in NYC last night. Most notably Whoopi Goldberg giving us Little Bo Peep who lost her sheep and was forced to go to the big city and take out a bank loan for more, wearing her best Big Business suit. The added bonus of that suit is that those giant bell bottoms probably ring so damn loud, the sheep should have no problem finding their way back home.
Other notable looks included: Cate Blanchett‘s tuxedo/ baked potato/ butcher’s apron combo, and the night’s host Issa Rae’s belt that read “Every Nigga Is A Star”. All of those looks and more are in the gallery but for now, we’ve got plenty of high fashion to keep us in “what is going on here”s for a week.