I realize that tatted-up hip-hop cherub Post Malone likes to charm fans with his down to Earth swag and hype man antics, but if he doesn’t learn how to maneuver a stage soon, he’s going to end up killing himself. Post has a history of getting just a little too hyped and injuring parts of his body, and during a recent stop on his Twelve Carat Tour at State Farm Arena in Atlanta, Post has once again become the poster boy for accidental injuries when he twisted his ankle, yet still kept the party going.
Last month, Post Malone announced that he’s expecting his first baby with his girlfriend, who so far has remained unnamed and mysterious. But, he has been pretty open about his own journey into impending parenthood. According to a recent interview, Post seems to fancy himself a future DILF, and I’m guessing that his interpretation of the acronym is the traditional “Dad I’d Like to Fuck,” differing from mine when I think of him, which is “Dad I’d Like to Febreze.”
Well Gen Z has finally found a way to make me side with the Boomers on something, CBC reports that Crocs have made a comeback. The hideous foam shoe which I accept on people in high-stress fields where they walk around a lot and spend time on their feet but almost no one else, has seen a surge in popularity during the pandemic and stock prices have more than doubled. Screw Bitcoin and NFTs, time to invest in Crocs!
Here’s a novel concept: when you begin to stumble around in public, slurring your speech and falling down for no apparent reason, and just generally acting a (bigger) fool, people are going to take note. And they may even reach out with wild theories and unfounded diagnoses. Well, if you happen to be one of those people, Post Malone would like to talk to you.
24-year-old Post, who looks like the human equivalent of a broken, beer-soaked Etch-a-Sketch, recently lit up the internet after a series of concert performances where he exhibits all of the above behavior. And concertgoers, with video phones at the ready, have been trying to stage an intervention by circulating clips in the hopes that Post will notice. And notice, he did.
I’m pleased to report that Post Malone decided to end the year in the most Post Malone way possible. Which is to say that Post Malone located a few inches of un-inked skin on his face, and decided to fill it with a big tattoo in honor of the end of 2019. Not only is it officially a new year, but it’s also now that much more difficult to dress up as Post Malone for Halloween.
It’s not that the Grammys are for your parents, the Grammys are your parents. Old, strict, self-serious, adore Adele, and are prone to making arbitrary decisions like letting JLo perform a Motown medley. Just ask Halsey who basically yelled at them “you’re not the boss of me” during her acceptance speech last night at the American Music Awards. The AMAs are your cool, twice-divorced aunt who taught you how to french inhale and has a lover in Madrid who she visits every Spring. As such, she’s a lot more fun. But unlike your parents who actually clothe, house, and feed your ungrateful ass, her gifts are frivolous and tacky. But fun! That dynamic was reflected in the red carpet looks from last night’s AMAs. Risks were taken. Choices were made. For example, OG fun aunt Christina Aguilera showed up looking like a goddamn snack. A saltine cracker, specifically. Which is a shame because believe me, most of the people there were already very, very thirsty.