The first Tuesday in May should find us oohing and guffawing over our keyboards as we play judge, jury and executioner to the celebs and the looks they served up at the previous day’s Met Gala. It is one of the greatest joys of my admittedly boring life. But of course, this year’s gala was postponed indefinitely due to the coronavirus. So while, miraculously, Jason Derulo still somehow managed to fall down the stairs, we’ve been robbed of an opportunity to make fun of The Kardashians. However, thanks to former and future HSOTD Billy Porter and his #MetGalaChallenge, wherein regular people were invited to recreate looks from years past using only materials they could find in the house, our eyes have something to marvel over that doesn’t involve Ben Affleck holding a sack of dog shit.
While, as Michael already pointed out, Prince’s eyes are probably still rolling in their grave after Usher gave him a tribute (still better than what Usher has given to people in the past) at last night’s Grammy Awards, there was one thing that Prince could be proud of. Prince’s fashion DNA was all over the red carpet, right down to the bare asscheeks. The men were having fun at the Grammys, outshining the women with looser expressions of gender and daring accessories. Let the girly-girls like Ariana Grande have their beautiful gowns. With the exception of the Jonas Brothers, the men of the red carpet took risks that paid dividends (the Jonas bros’ bronzed blazers with wives as accessories should file for fashion bankruptcy). Sorry ladies, its the guys time to shine. We already know what boobs look like.
Like every Hollywood event, the 2020 Golden Globes offered for us peasants a plethora of fashion delights and disasters to witness and froth over. Outfits ranged from: Classic Elegance to Fancy Prostitute. Who won and lost the night is debatable but one thing is for sure: 97% of these clothes are being returned to whatever designer loaned it to the celebrity for a night. You think rich folk keep or pay for award gowns and jewels? LOL! No.
Jennifer Lopez may have lost the Golden Globe to Laura Dern last night, but at least she went home with a wonderful parting gift — Her name of everyone’s lips, even though it’s mostly been followed with “oof”. I hope Jennifer’s snow-effect Christmas tree skirt topped with oversized green and gold bows look came with a gift receipt. You know how they say “be the gift you want to see in the world?” Sure you do, that’s totally what they say, go with me here. We’re all dealing with a bit of a post-holiday, back to business hangover. Not least of all JLo, whose dress last night was that one neighbor who puts out a fully dead and brown Christmas tree on the curb in mid-February. Like, have they had that up in their living room this whole time? How many spiders are living in there?
It’s not that the Grammys are for your parents, the Grammys are your parents. Old, strict, self-serious, adore Adele, and are prone to making arbitrary decisions like letting JLo perform a Motown medley. Just ask Halsey who basically yelled at them “you’re not the boss of me” during her acceptance speech last night at the American Music Awards. The AMAs are your cool, twice-divorced aunt who taught you how to french inhale and has a lover in Madrid who she visits every Spring. As such, she’s a lot more fun. But unlike your parents who actually clothe, house, and feed your ungrateful ass, her gifts are frivolous and tacky. But fun! That dynamic was reflected in the red carpet looks from last night’s AMAs. Risks were taken. Choices were made. For example, OG fun aunt Christina Aguilera showed up looking like a goddamn snack. A saltine cracker, specifically. Which is a shame because believe me, most of the people there were already very, very thirsty.
Very few in Hollywood seemed to grasp the concept of Susan Sontag’s Notes on Camp theme from last year’s Met Gala. Camp should have been a slam dunk, but we are living in supremely stupid times. I get it though, camp is subjective. There’s still a war raging somewhere on the internet over whether or not a giant foam hamburger is campy (IMO: it wasn’t at the time, but it is now). Thankfully, Vogue just revealed the theme for the The Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute 2020 Met Gala, and it’s less of a thinker. The theme is About Time: Fashion and Duration. The bad news is that it’s inspired by the writings of Virginia Woolf. The good news is, at least for the Koven, is that there’s a movie version.