Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Know Who Sebastian Stan Is

Gwyneth Paltrow is truly spectacular. Thanks to Goop she’s going to live forever and has spoken to the gods and the stars and opened her third, fourth, fifth and sixth eyes–she’s truly legendary both in physical and mental fitness and extreme wealth. So it’s strange, it seems, that her memory seems to not be the sharpest. Or maybe it’s just she’s SO FULL of wisdom that she has to keep her mind open for important facts like: “creativity with your hands is like channeling God,” and not the names of people she’s met and worked with in the past.

That has to be the case, because it seems that Gwyneth has forgotten her Avengers: Endgame co-star and fellow Marvel person, Sebastian Stan, not for the first time, or the second–she’s forgotten him a third time.

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The End (game) Is Near: Some Of The Millions Of Looks From The “Avengers: Endgame” Premiere

God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!

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Sebastian Stan Was Worried About Tom Hiddleston During The Taylor Swift Era 

As hard as it is to fathom, we’re approaching two years since our eyes were served a heaping pile of “DA FUQQQQQQQ?” when Tom Hiddleston popped up to Rhode Island’s top event of the year (Taylor Swift’s not-so-annual 4^thof July party, duh) wearing a “I Heart T.S.” tank top. It sounds like Bucky Barnes was worried, y’all! Continue reading

Angelina Jolie Decided To Fulfill Someone’s Feathered 60s Fantasy Last Night (And Other Looks From The Golden Globes)

Almost everyone who walked the Golden Globes red carpet this year wore black to protest Hollywood’s sexual misconduct problem. One thing that wasn’t being protested was good taste. There were a lot of black velvet outfits on that red carpet. Sure, it’s a bit of an obvious choice, but a choice I was absolutely here for, because anything that makes my brain start blasting “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles gets two thumbs up from me.

But some people went a little more experimental with their all-black interpretation. Like Angelina Jolie, who showed up to the Golden Globes in some goth Lawrence Welk Show realness by Atelier Versace. It’s a little Barbra Streisand at the 1969 Oscars, with a splash of 60s televangelist, all poured onto a fainting couch and garnished with, “But detective, I swear my husband was dead when I found him!”

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Open Post: Hosted By Future Oscar Winner Laurie Metcalf At The Palm Springs Film Festival

Actors hungry for that Oscar prepared for hustling season last night by Spanx-ing up their bodies, saying goodbye to real food for a couple of months and gargling with lemon-infused hot water so their voices are moistened up enough for them to talk, talk and talk about how much they suffered while playing the role they should win all the awards for. Of course I’m not lumping Laurie Metcalf with those actors. She doesn’t have to do all that shit, because she’s Laurie Fucking Metcalf and if she wants respect, all she has to do is say, “I played Aunt Jackie in Roseanne.”

Awards season officially started last night with the opening of The Palm Springs International Film Festival, where Jessica Chastain (Chairman’s Awards), everyone involved with The Shape of Water (Vanguard Award), Allison Janney (Spotlight Award), Gary Oldman (Desert Palm Achievement Award, Actor), Mary J. Blige (Breakthrough Performance Award), Holly Hunter (Career Achievement Award), Timothée Chalamet (Rising Star Award), Willem Dafoe (Icon Award) and more were honored.

Laurie Metcalf was there to honor her Lady Bird co-star Saoirse Ronan with the Desert Palm Achievement Award, Actress. We already knew this, but Aunt Jackie is a saint. I mean, she showed up to an award show to give someone else a trophy instead of getting one. A 20-year-old model is probably trapped under a passed out Leonardo DiCaprio right now, because he fainted over the thought of that.

Not only did Laurie Metcalf show up to honor someone else, but she brought the glamour too by wearing what a 90s Taco Bell would wear if it was turned into a human and became the leader of a new age cult.

Here’s more from last night, and you can stop after Suzanne Somers, because the star power and glamour does downhill from there.

Pics: Wenn.com

Open Post: Hosted By The Real Tonya Harding With Movie Tonya Harding 

“Ahahahahaha, I’m still laughing over this homely hag playing me in a movie. Hollywood is so weird!” – Tonya Harding in that picture.

About 23 years ago, Tonya Harding was down in out after she lost her figure skating career over her ex-husband and bodyguard hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. But look at Tonya now! She’s happy and healthy-looking and standing next to a movie star at the big Hollywood premiere of a movie that would’ve never happened if she stopped her ex-husband and bodyguard from hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. Tonya and the movie version of her, Margot Robbie, posed together at last night’s Hollywood premiere of I, Tonya at The Egyptian Theater. Tonya wore a dress from Cabela’s black label collection and Margot wore an off-brand Elvira Hancock from Scarface costume from Big Lots.

I, Tonya is getting a lot of Oscar talk, including some for Margot Robbie, which I don’t know why since Julie Brown gave the only Tonya Harding performance we need. But Allison Janney, who was there last night serving pure glah-moor in a gold-dipped caftan, is getting the most Oscar talk. As of now, it looks like the Best Supporting Actress Oscar race is down to her for playing Tonya’s abusive monster of a mom and Laurie Metcalf for Lady Bird. I hope that Allison picked up her caftan and ran off when Tonya whispered in her ear last night, “So, Al, I hear the Oscur is down to you and your rival Aunt Jackie. You know I know I guy….”

Pics: Wenn.com