Inside you there are two wolves. They’re both wealthy, bourgeois wolves, but they are wolves just the same. These wolves two, have been pitted against each other in a battle to the death by Reese Witherspoon, a mere cub who knows not what carnage she hath wrought. A couple of weeks ago, Reese shared what she thought would be an inspirational post about healthy habits to bring into the new year. And now, because of Reese’s almost criminally banal post, Martha Stewart and Ina Garten are at each other’s necks over how best to deal with the COVID-19 pandemic stress. Ina says drink your cares away, advocating for “more large cosmos.” Martha does not agree with “taking to drink,” nor does she find it charming. Martha says work your cares away, advocating for her new Chardonnay collab. So go ahead and pick your fighter. Chardonnay or cosmo? CHARDONNAY OR COSMOS? And don’t you dally, the fate of a weary world hangs in the balance!
You know those relatives who go: “Oh everyone says we look like twins,” and you look at them and think: “Bitch, who?” Reese Witherspoon is not that person. 45-year-old Reese and her daughter, 22-year-old Ava Phillippe, look pretty much the same–you could cast Ava in a Legally Blonde remake tomorrow and it would be perfect. Except, her mom still looks like a twenty-year-old too, so she’s just gonna do the Legally Blonde reboot her-damn-self. And wouldn’t you know, Reese loves hearing from people that she still looks like a fresh new young person. This is rare–people normally hate being told they look young.
Just because we’re still in the middle of a pandemic and Heidi Klum’s annual Halloween party didn’t happen for the second year in a row, doesn’t mean that the other celebrities won’t get together and tear shit up for attention. Much like a drag queen, if a celebrity isn’t working Halloween they are losing money! Harry Styles’ tour took him to Madison Square Garden in NYC on Halloween, and he decided to get festive by dressing up as a hobo hipster who just so happened to find a Dorothy Gale costume in the dumpster.
Reese Witherspoon Says Ryan Phillippe’s Joke About Her Making More Money At The 2002 Oscars Was Not Planned
Catch Reese Witherspoon on the right day, and she might talk your ear off about herself. But catch her off guard, and you might find her totally speechless! Like when her then-husband Ryan Phillippe cracked a joke about her making more money than him when the two presented at the 2002 Academy Awards. All Reese could do was twist her face into an awkward smile while gasping nervously. And 18 years later, Reese has said she had no idea Ryan was going to publicly call her out as the biggest moneymaker in their marriage.
They say the road to Hell is paved with good intentions (a phrase that should really be updated, because at this point I’m sure the paving company is using a 50/50 mix of asphalt and KUWTK reruns). But in Reese Witherspoon’s case, that phrase could be specifically tailored (get it?) to say: the road to Legal Hell is paved with a misguided social media dress contest. Because TMZ is reporting that Reese Witherspoon and her clothing label Draper James have been named in a class-action lawsuit.
Have you downloaded Quibi? Apparently, no one has recently. The streaming service which based its whole platform idea on delivering short content meant to be taken in quick bursts has been struggling during the coronavirus lockdown. It seems people don’t want to watch short clips of Chrissy Teigen making arbitrary legal rulings and shit when they could just binge Netflix for twelve hours at a time. Quibi has laid off some employees and cut overtime for others. Meanwhile, Reese Witherspoon got a $6 million check to narrate one of Quibi’s worst-performing shows.