In 2016 they offered us a live-action Barbie movie starring Amy Schumer and we said, “lol. No, thanks.” “Fine, Anne Hathatawy?,” they asked, and it being 2017 we said “look, we’re still trying to recover from Les Mis. Please leave us alone.” Then, like a year later, they said, “well, how about if Greta Gerwig writes and directs?” and we said, “whatever dudes, You do you.” Then they came back with “OK, so Greta’s definitely in and we are thinking Margot Robbie as Barbie? We getting warmer?” and we said, “we’re listening.” Then they said “Great! And as a reward for your patience, how about we give you Ryan Gosling as Ken” and we said “lol. OK, well in that case…”
Billy Eichner may have seen this news and relaxed after calling out the Straights™ for not buying tickets to his gay romantic comedy Bros, which bombed at the box office. Because well, David O’Russell‘s Amsterdam bombed hard too. The star-studded film had a production budget of $80 million but only made $6.5 million at this past weekend’s box office. It did worse in theatres than Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile.
Margot Robbie And Cara Delevingne Got Into An Altercation With Paparazzi In Argentina That Turned Physical
Over the weekend, Cara Delevingne and Margot Robbie proved that when Suicide Squad broads go abroad, mayhem will ensue. TMZ reports that Cara and Margot were involved in an INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT following a run-in with a paparazzo in the streets of Buenos Aires, Argentina, that landed Margo sprawled out on the pavement, two of her friends in police custody, and the photographer in the hospital reaching out with his one remaining arm to call The Sun about the “brutal attack.” The photographer, Pedro Orquera, and Margot’s friends, Barbie producer Josey McNamara and a key grip named Jac Hopkins, have divergent perspectives on the incident, but there’s one thing everyone seems to agree on— Cara made like the Joker and got away!
OK, I got one for you: What’s black and white and red all over? Answer: Babylon! In the trailer for La La Land director Damien Chazelle’s new 1920s-Hollywood-set movie starring Brad Pitt and Margot Robbie, the jazz players are Black, the booger sugar is white and for some reason Damien has decided to film all the party scenes, of which there are many, using the Fangtasia filter originated during the making of True Blood.
Despite the massive boycott (okay, by “massive” I mean just me) against Top Gun: Maverick for not including Kelly McGillis yet giving us the poster douche for “I Need An Adult!” (read: Miles Teller with a mustache), it has become a massive hit. Personally, I’m saving my coins for the porn parody Power Top Gun: Mavdick and its follow-up Bossy Bottom Gun, but many did not, and it’s made over $1 billion worldwide since its release in May. It’s also Tom Cruise’s biggest money-making movie, and because of this and his deal, Little Alien Lord Tommy has become even richer. But still, I’m with the talking Michael Myers’ Party City mask that is Mickey Rourke. That mega-rich trick who has the biggest movie of the year is “irrelevant!”
Many get a case of hardened nipple knobs and moist tips over Ryan Gosling and I never really have until now! Just slap a bootleg Legend of Billie Jean wig onto his head, slather his skin with fake tan paint (in shade: Tang dream) and dress him in the finest clothes found in the clearance bin of a Miller’s Outpost circa 1989, and you’ve got instant hotness! Warner Bros. released the first pic of Ryan Gosling as Ken, in the Barbie movie and he looks like every generic bad boy in an 80s comedy. In other words, Ryan Gosling has never looked hotter!