God bless ya if you’ve been able to keep up with all the fucking Avengers running around here these days. Just looking at the poster for the upcoming Avengers: Endgame movie takes so much concentration. I keep thinking I’m supposed to eventually see a sailboat or some shit. It’s a mess, and it gives me a throbbing, Thanos’ dick-sized migraine. But the poster isn’t nearly as much of a mess as the red carpet for last night’s premiere of Avengers: Endgame: Too Many Spidermen. Not only was every Groot, Korg and Kraglin Obfonteri from the movies there, all the Marvel universe TV characters were there too. It must have been the least exclusive guest list to hit Hollywood since the premiere of Gotti. I mean, they even let Colin Jost in!
According to Wikipedia, a quokka is a “is a small macropod.” What the entry fails to mention is how adorable quokkas are! They’re so adorable nibbling on little bamboo shoots or whatever that they even take some of the spotlight off of Thor Odinson (aka thirst deity Chris Hemsworth)!
Great news for everyone who loves watching Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off, which I’m assuming is everyone with a pulse: he’ going to play Hulk Hogan. Can you smell what The Rock is cooking?! Oh wait–wrong one.
Roasted possum, moonshine burps, and eternal hillbilly love (which strangely enough, also smells like moonshine burps) were in the air in Franklin, Tennessee last night. Because either Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth got married in a casual wedding at home, or they decided to take advantage of the slow ass Christmas “news” week by fucking with us. But all signs point to them getting hitched, and I’m sure many a Cyruses are wondering why a wedding went down when Miley doesn’t look she’s got a stage 4 CASE OF THE BABIES and they didn’t hear the sound of a shotgun.
Just in case you were wondering; Yes. Chris Hemsworth can still get it. Today. Tomorrow. Whenever. Thor can lay the hammer down anytime he likes. And I’m pretty sure he knows it too, which is why he’s damn shirtless on the ‘Gram.
Because I guess Leonardo DiCatchAHo wants to remain alpha of the Pussy Posse and knows that he won’t get his pick of model cooch if Thor is around him, he supposedly twice dropped a fart (a low-emission green fart, I’m sure) on the idea of being Chris Hemsworth’s friend. That’s what Chris’ trainer says anyway.