Almost exactly 14 months after she became the second Mrs. Star Lord, Katherine Schwarzenegger has given birth to the baby she made with Chris Pratt, and they’re officially parents to a little girl. And for those of you wondering if Chris’ favorite book was still The Bible, well – their birth announcement will answer that question. Because Little Baby Schwarzenegger-Pratt’s birth has already been commemorated with a weekend’s worth of quotes from a Desktop Page-A-Day Bible Calendar (which is to say, two days worth).
Every once in a while, I need to be reminded that “oh right, that dumpy guy from Parks & Recreation is a Jesus-loving-beefcake-movie-star now.” And the newest reminder came in the form of the news from People magazine that Chris Pratt and his wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger (who…wrote a book about forgiveness? And I’m thinking she’s also related to Arnold?), are expecting a baby. Congrats! And cue the smattering of golf claps because the world definitely needs another mommy lifestyle influencer, which is Katherine’s destiny, obviously.
You have to wonder if Chris Pratt isn’t more excited about being related to Arnold Schwarzenegger than he is about being married to Arnold’s daughter, Katherine Schwarzenegger. And that when Katherine’s mom Maria Shriver set the two of them up she didn’t play up the fact that not only is Katherine a wonderful Christian woman, her dad would totally sign a headshot for him! And if he treats her right and promises to keep his MAGA hat under wraps, Arnold might just share his Rolodex of political connections with him too. We know Chris wasn’t interested in Katherine for her cooking skills! Dude did it so he would pump iron with The Terminator. Arnold all but confirmed this while discussing his relationship to his son-in-law on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Arnold says he and Chris bonded over reps and sweat.
Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger wasted no time getting married, and apparently they can’t wait to make babies. But if Katherine is hoping to get her husband in the baby-making mood with a romantic meal, it sounds like the sexiest thing she could whisper in his ear is, “I just placed an order with Uber Eats.” Because Chris Pratt recently exposed his wife as the kind of person who can’t even use the damn microwave.
Chris Pratt recently married Katherine Schwarzenegger after one year together and they honeymooned in Hawaii. They’re obviously so in love that Chris was too busy staring into her eyes to remember to have his bride slap some SPF on his back so he got burnt. The big oaf decided to show off his sunburn with a little touch of ass on Instagram. Follow the jump for those milky cheeks.
That’s probably how every publication was looking at Chris Pratt’s publicist on Saturday after they heard that he’d gotten married to his girlfriend of about a year, Katherine Schwarzenegger. Because of course we all want to see what kind of wedding they threw together in five months. But also because I don’t believe a famous couple is technically married until we see a professional photo of themselves in wedding outfits, smiling like they’re aggressively testing the limits of their Botox.