There’s a reason they give you those cute little “I Voted” stickers at the polls, and it’s so you can show the world that you are an informed, responsible, civic-minded individual who has participated in the sacred act of democratic agency upon which our country was built (citation needed), without letting them know that you just copied your husband’s ballot at the 11th hour because you’re a lazy dum-dum who couldn’t get their shit together in time. Now, I don’t know if Katy Perry’s husband Orlando Bloom is the lazy dum-dum in their family or if Katy’s just an ambitious dum-dum. Because Katy got out and voted, but instead of posting a cute ‘lil selfie with her sticker, she took a selfie inside the voting booth that managed to show her entire ass, including who she voted for.
Bryce Dallas Howard Says She Was Paid “So Much Less” Than Chris Pratt For The “Jurassic World” Trilogy
In case we needed further proof that Hollywood is sick in the head, one the world’s highest ranking, red-headed nepotism babies, Bryce Dallas Howard, can’t even get a fair shake in this town. Bryce recently told Insider that she was paid “so much less than the reports even said,” than one of the world’s lowest ranking Chrises, her nepotism-by-way-of Jesus Jurassic World trilogy co-star Chris Pratt. And because the almighty dollar is mightier than the Almighty himself, Bryce made sure to praise Chris, as is presumably a contractual obligation each of Chris’ co-stars must adhere to, by saying he went to bat for her and “pushed for the actor to receive equal pay on other franchise opportunities that were not already contractually binding, such as spinoff video games and theme-park rides” after she told him the terms of the three-picture contract she signed in 2014.
Chris Pratt Triumphs In The Faces Of “Woke” Critics Who Gave His New Show “The Terminal List” A Low Rating On Rotten Tomatoes
The internet’s favorite Chris (/sarcasm), Chris Pratt has taken time out from his busy schedule of annoying everyone to star in Amazon Prime’s The Terminal List. It’s a hit with audiences but a misfire with critics. So naturally, Chris took to his Instagram to let all the “woke” critics know that as long as his show is a success with the people, that’s all he really cares about.
Forget about the moon landing, the return of the McRib, or the series finale of The Golden Girls – where were you when Chris Pratt made the internet practically throw out their backs from cringing too hard when he thanked his wife Katherine Schwarzenegger for giving him a “gorgeous healthy daughter“? Okay, so you were probably sitting in front of a computer screen or a couple of inches away from a smartphone. A redundant question, I know. But now we know where the man formerly known as Chris was when all that was going down, and apparently, he was elbow deep in a box of tissues to soak up a river of salty sad tears.
We’re not going to have Worst Chris to kick around anymore because Chris Pratt has decided he doesn’t want to be any kind of Chris anymore. According to Entertainment Weekly, Chris wholeheartedly rejects his given name and would prefer the world address him as “Pratt. CP. You know, CP. ‘Hey, CP.'” Pratt, or CP.” Presumably still acceptable are Worst Garfield, Worst Avenger, Worst Super Mario Brother, and Worst Artist Formerly Known as Chris.
Last year, a producer on the upcoming Super Mario movie starring Chris Pratt, came out to say that we were going to LOVE Chris’ Mario voice. Now Chris himself says that we should be hyped because his Mario voice “unlike anything you’ve heard in the Mario world.” But that doesn’t mean something good necessarily, does it? The original CGI Sonic in Sonic the Hedgehog was unlike anything seen in the Sonic world and yet it was also so terrible they re-did the whole thing, so…