Almost exactly 14 months after she became the second Mrs. Star Lord, Katherine Schwarzenegger has given birth to the baby she made with Chris Pratt, and they’re officially parents to a little girl. And for those of you wondering if Chris’ favorite book was still The Bible, well – their birth announcement will answer that question. Because Little Baby Schwarzenegger-Pratt’s birth has already been commemorated with a weekend’s worth of quotes from a Desktop Page-A-Day Bible Calendar (which is to say, two days worth).
Every once in a while, I need to be reminded that “oh right, that dumpy guy from Parks & Recreation is a Jesus-loving-beefcake-movie-star now.” And the newest reminder came in the form of the news from People magazine that Chris Pratt and his wife, Katherine Schwarzenegger (who…wrote a book about forgiveness? And I’m thinking she’s also related to Arnold?), are expecting a baby. Congrats! And cue the smattering of golf claps because the world definitely needs another mommy lifestyle influencer, which is Katherine’s destiny, obviously.
In 2017, Chris Pratt and Anna Faris spat in the face of love when they broke up after eight years of marriage. After some uneventful divorce proceedings, and agreeing on joint custody of their seven-year-old son Jack, neither wasted any time moving on. Last June, 40-year-old Chris married fellow child of God, Katherine Schwarzenegger, and 43-year-old Anna recently got engaged to cinematographer Michael Barrett. The exes seem to be on good terms. Anna only had nice things to say about 30-year-old Katherine on her podcast, and even joked that she wanted to officiate their wedding.
Chris Pratt has followed in the footsteps of his fellow Avenger Jeremy Renner, but he has not become a child biting (alleged), pistol popping, tech mogul, rock star. Instead he’s opened up his own Amazon store. And where Jeremy’s offered a wide variety of products that reflect his various interests (crossbows, salted nuts, peeping tom binoculars), Chris’ store is limited to GYM. Perusing the limited items on offer, I think it’s safe to assume Katherine Schwarzenegger will be getting a Peloton for Christmas this year.
You have to wonder if Chris Pratt isn’t more excited about being related to Arnold Schwarzenegger than he is about being married to Arnold’s daughter, Katherine Schwarzenegger. And that when Katherine’s mom Maria Shriver set the two of them up she didn’t play up the fact that not only is Katherine a wonderful Christian woman, her dad would totally sign a headshot for him! And if he treats her right and promises to keep his MAGA hat under wraps, Arnold might just share his Rolodex of political connections with him too. We know Chris wasn’t interested in Katherine for her cooking skills! Dude did it so he would pump iron with The Terminator. Arnold all but confirmed this while discussing his relationship to his son-in-law on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Arnold says he and Chris bonded over reps and sweat.
Chris Pratt and Katherine Schwarzenegger wasted no time getting married, and apparently they can’t wait to make babies. But if Katherine is hoping to get her husband in the baby-making mood with a romantic meal, it sounds like the sexiest thing she could whisper in his ear is, “I just placed an order with Uber Eats.” Because Chris Pratt recently exposed his wife as the kind of person who can’t even use the damn microwave.