Turkey testes taster Halle Berry had someone try to steal her house back in March. No, not her dollhouse or her greenhouse. HER HOUSE HOUSE. TMZ reports that some guy got one of her locks changed and claimed the place was his. Well, it could have been worse. Her house could have been the kind you can just load on the back of a flatbed and she could have watched it whiz by her on the 10.
And I don’t mean like some kind of deep-fried processed meat treat like when someone says chicken balls. Unless those chicken balls are made up of deep-fried ground chicken testicles–then it’s the same. I mean, turkey nuts! Halle Berry and Anjelica Huston were on The Late Late Show With James Corden and they both ate some gross stuff in order to get out of answering some secrets. Ready to watch Anjelica eat bull penis and Halle scarf down some turkey balls? Okay, dive in, bon appétit.
When I heard that Halle Berry might have gotten a “massive” (as Page Six called it) tattoo on her back, I said to myself Lord, Jesus someone please go perform a welfare check on her to make sure she’s not going the way of The Affleck. Like Ben, Halle’s had some ups and downs and does not have the greatest record when it comes to impulse control. But when I saw the picture Halle posted on Instagram of her new back art, I breathed a sigh of relief. It’s not so bad.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
Halle Berry and her third husband Olivier Martinez were married for two years, and they’ve been dragging out their divorce longer than that. They could technically start celebrating the anniversary of when they first filed divorce papers. Halle and Olivier may love keeping it messy, but the court system that has to deal with them clearly doesn’t.
Whenever the name Halle Berry comes to mind I never think about Boomerang, Losing Isaiah or the movie she won the Academy Award for Monster’s Ball. No sir. When I think of Halle I immediately go straight to Catwoman. It’s awful. Like a clump of congealed kitty litter resting up underneath a couch, making everything stink. But I LOVE IT! And apparently she does too because they gave her a whole ‘lotta money for it.