I was about to call this situation between Brad Pitt, his new lady Nicole Poturalski, and his ex-wife Angelina Jolie a “love triangle.” But there needs to be at least two triangular angles of mutual love for that to be a correct statement, and we all know that Brad and Angelina are currently behaving more like two simultaneous line equations (aka they’re never going to meet in the middle). That’s all the math I can muster today, so let’s just get to the point. There’s a chance Angelina may have terrible feelings about Brad’s new casual girlfriend, but the feeling is not mutual.
It’s been a scant two weeks since we learned about Brad Pitt’s rumored lady, a 27-year-old model named Nicole Poturalski, a woman who looks like the SHEIN version of Bella Hadid, and who might possibly be in an open marriage with 67-year-old German restaurateur Roland Mary. We also heard that Brad had spent some time with Nicole at Chateau Miraval, the French winery and estate he co-owns with his ex-wife and current legal sparring partner Angelina Jolie.
Inviting your current girlfriend to the French mansion you bought and share with your ex sounds like the kind of big, bold move that confirms things are serious. Or at least, serious enough to make the home’s other owner “furious” about it. But according to Us Weekly, Brad’s not attached to Nicole like that, at least not at the moment.
45-year-old Angelina Jolie is apparently big-mad about 56-year-old Brad Pitt bringing his new 27-year-old model piece to their chateau in France. Brad is rumored to be seeing married German model, Nicole Poturalski, and took her on vacay to their multi-million-dollar vineyard estate, Chateau Miraval on what would have been his and Angelina’s wedding anniversary. And it’s the chateau where he and Angie got married in front of their kids. While she didn’t remember that their divorce judge is also the one who married them, Angie definitely remembers where their wedding was held because she’s pissed!
Brad Pitt’s back on the bottle (if in name only) and he doesn’t care who knows it. Brad recently gave People a many buzz-worded “exclusive” about the launch of a new product coming out of Chateau Miraval, a sparkling rose Champagne called Fleur de Miraval and it’s only $400! As we know, Chateau Miraval is having a big week thanks to Brad’s holiday there with his new, married, lady friend Nicole Poturalski that coincided with what would have been his and ex-wife Angelina Jolie’s wedding anniversary. And according to Us Weekly, Brad doesn’t give a fig if it hurt her feelings and did so with the expectation that she would “lash out.” Why it’s almost as if all this drama benefits them both as co-owners of Chateau Miraval which they “remain committed to,” ”viewing it as ‘an investment for their children.’” I suspect Brad and Angie have finally found some common ground. “Buy our wine—we fucked around and spent the children’s inheritance on divorce lawyers!”
This is our fault. We did this to ourselves. At some point we’re going to have to take responsibility for ourselves as a country and accept the premise that it is, in fact, a shit hole ruled by oligarchs, grifters, charlatans, and DJs with Marshmello heads, and hopefully, commit to making the changes necessary to rectify that. Otherwise, all is lost. Even if Forbes’ Celebrity 100: The World’s Highest Paid Celebrities list is a dubious distinction, we have to admit that even if their formula is about as scientifically sound as the teachings of Dianetics, it does say a lot about what we value as a culture. And right now it’s saying we value Kylie Jenner the most. She earned $560 million. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but 2020 will do strange things to a person—Taylor Swift was ROBBED! Last year’s #1 dropped to #25 ($63.5M) and Kanye West scooted into Kylie’s former #2 slot with $170M.
When we all first heard that 56-year-old Brad Pitt has himself a new girlfriend (not named Alia Shawkat) who is a 27-year-old German model named Nicole Poturalski, we figured this was just another regular, boring tale of a middle-aged Hollywood movie star answering his natural instincts by getting with a hot, young model. “HOT and YOUNG?! You must mean ‘hot’ as in ‘hot flashes’ because she’s practically a grandma. Eww, Brad’s a granny fucker!” said Leonardo DiCaprio somewhere.
But it turns out this might have a touch of SKANDAL to it because The Daily Mail says that Nicole is married to 68-year-old German businessman Roland Mary and they have a 7-year-old son together named Emil. However, don’t think that homewrecker Brad struck again (the first time being his marriage to Jennifer Aniston), because sources say that Brad and Nicole aren’t in some kind of entanglement situation (copyright: Jada Pinkett Smith). Nicole and Roland apparently have an open marriage.