That headline woulda been a helluva lot more interesting if it cut off after the word “lovers”. Alas, Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan’s forbidden, brooding lesbian romance is just for the movie Ammonite.
Apparently “ammonite” isn’t a synonym for “Oscar bait”. It’s actually the name of prehistoric sea animals that resembled squids in shells. The film was inspired by the life of 19th-century paleontologist Mary Anning and her relationship with geologist Charlotte Murchison. Mary discovered and sold fossils on the Southern English coastline. It’s said she inspired the tongue twister “she sells seashells by the sea shore.”
Wes Anderson is back with another cinematic masterpiece that will make your eyes go “Ooh!” and your brain go “Huh?”. After watching the trailer for The French Dispatch I have no idea what the plot is other than it involves some sort of publication I’m assuming is called The French Dispatch. But it sure looks nice! Continue reading
I’m fucking kidding of course. This year’s Oscars red carpet was about as glamorous as a back alley gluteal augmentation. Not even red carpet darling Billy Porter could save this parade of half-baked ideas which ranged from Saoirse Ronan’s front butt ruffle to Laura Dern’s titty-tassels. The real kicker is that, for reasons I will never accept, Blac Chyna was invited to pose for hundreds of pictures looking like a second string (ok, twelfth string) Cruella de Vil who smothered Cookie Monster with her bosom, skinned him with her talons and used his pelt for this dress. Meanwhile, the cast of Best Picture winning Parasite, were only photographed together in a group. The fuck? At least they let them use the slo-mo cam which is a big improvement on Giuliana Rancic’s (below, go easy on her, she’s dealing with some intestinal distress) Mani-Cam of yore.
Just because all of the BAFTA acting nominations went to white people, that doesn’t mean the white people that were nominated are afraid of a little color (not sure we can’t say the same for the BAFTA president Prince William). While some stars like Margot Robbie, who looked like she just came from a beloved aunt’s funeral (with Olivia Colman looking like said beloved aunt), went for basic black, and some like Renée Zellweger and Scarlett Johansson opted for a pastel palette, a few ladies took the opportunity to brighten up the foggy London town night by putting the “u” in colour. Take for example Florence Pugh whose hot pink housecoat doubles as a parachute in case the feds come knocking at the brothel door and she has to make a quick exit out of a 4th story window and hop into the horse drawn carriage waiting below.
The Governors Awards are a classy affair, you can just tell by the name. According to The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, the GA are “an annual event celebrating awards conferred by the Academy’s Board of Governors – the Irving G. Thalberg Memorial Award, the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award and the Honorary Award.” Basically, they are really the precum of the actual Oscars. Which might explain why so many ladies came dressed in nothing but a satin sheet. Nothing shows off precum quite like a satin bed sheet!
Today is a good day for everyone who is really excited about Greta Gerwig’s upcoming film, Civil War Lady Bird…I mean, Little Women. Sony dropped the first official trailer for Little Women. We have already seen what Saoirse Ronan will look like as Jo and Timothée Chalamet as Mr. Darcy. Wait, wrong period piece film – he plays Laurie. And as expected, there’s plenty of gender-switching wardrobe moments and peak-19th century sexual tension between the two.