Did you know that Oscar-winner Gwyneth Paltrow is not really that into acting anymore? I’m shocked! I thought she was just shilling expensive non-medical stone vaginal inserts for fun? Obviously Gwynnie has been checked out of the acting game for some time now, but she decided that, ahead of the release of Ryan Murphy and her husband’s new Netflix series, The Politician, she should let us know that she’s not really that into acting anymore.
I actually enjoyed the first Jurassic World movie. Don’t tell me I have “bad” taste in movies–I’m fully aware. But even I, who can find enjoyment in most B-grade action movies, thought the second one, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom was trash. Like, what was the point? Selling… dinosaurs at auction? For… what reason again besides money? I forget! Yeah, not the best, but it made over $1.3 billion worldwide, so of course a third movie is coming. But this one may actually be good, because it will star OG Jurassic Park legends Laura Dern, Sam Neill, and Jeff Goldblum.
Today is a good day for everyone who is really excited about Greta Gerwig’s upcoming film, Civil War Lady Bird…I mean, Little Women. Sony dropped the first official trailer for Little Women. We have already seen what Saoirse Ronan will look like as Jo and Timothée Chalamet as Mr. Darcy. Wait, wrong period piece film – he plays Laurie. And as expected, there’s plenty of gender-switching wardrobe moments and peak-19th century sexual tension between the two.
I know that’s the title of the book the film is based on, but it could also double as the store where they bought those hats. It looks like three out of four of the March sisters stole their hats off American Girl dolls? Perhaps this question will be answered when Greta Gerwig’s version of Little Women hits theaters, but for now all we have are tiny hats and a picture of Timothée Chalamet as Laurie.
Cleaning crews at The Beverly Hilton are probably still vacuuming up the shards of glitter that flew off of Billy Porter when he twirled in that amazing technicolor dreamcape, and are mopping up the Fiji water that people spewed out after realizing they were in the presence of the one and only Fiji Water Girl, and are disinfecting the floor after hundreds of people shit themselves as Baroness Jamie Lee Haden-Guest (seriously, she’s a baroness) sashayed onto the red carpet and they thought, “Damn, Brigitte Nielsen is looking hot after birthing out a baby!” People probably shit out everything in their system and are going to need some probiotics to get their guts good again. I see what you did there Queen of Activia!
The Hollywood Reporter says that HBO is doing a Cabbage Patch Doll-inspired project starring Issa Rae, of Insecure, and Laura Dern, of everything but especially Enlightened (a show I won’t ever let die), will executive produce and star in a limited series for HBO about the Cabbage Patch Doll riots of the early 1980s.
The series will be written by Issa, alongside Insecure writers Laura Kittrell and Amy Aniobi. The series titled The Dolls will be set in 1983 in two small Arkansas towns, and will focus on what happens after a Christmas Eve doll riot. The Dolls will reportedly “explore class, race, privilege and what it takes to be a good mother.”
Xavier Roberts copyrighted his Cabbage Patch Dolls in the late 1970s, but they weren’t a huge, massive hit until they were given a big toy factory makeover in 1982. The Cabbage Patch Dolls we all know hit shelves in America during the holiday season of 1983, and people went wild. It was like as if Black Friday spent the whole day lifting weights and snorting coke, it was that aggressive.
Many stores like J.C. Penney, Sears, and Macy’s all a series of violent customer outbursts over the dolls, especially after upwards of thousands of customers spent time in line waiting for a doll they’d never get. They were called the Cabbage Patch riots, and some even involved weapons, like baseball bats. If Issa and Laura need any present-day references for their project, I suggest they make their way to Calabasas. Because the Cabbage Patch riots sounds a whole lot like the Kardashian compound when there’s only one vial of Botox left.