Jaime Pressly Got Shit For Telling Everyone Who Her Favorite Child Is

SPOILER ALERT: Jaime’s favorite isn’t in that picture in any way.

Now, I don’t have kids, because I can barely clothe, bathe, feed, burp, and wipe myself, and I already have a dog, so I don’t need another pair of living eyes hitting me with cold rays of judgement for eating microwaved-melted Kraft singles on saltines (aka nachos of the gourmet gods) while re-watching the second season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days. If I did have a kid, and had more than one, I’d like to think I wouldn’t have a favorite. But I probably would and my favorite would be the one who didn’t skimp on the hooch while making me a Moscow Mule. I wouldn’t tell them, though, because I wouldn’t need the other one using it against me in therapy years later! But I guess Jaime Pressly isn’t worried about that, because she proudly named her favorite son on Instagram. And since the mommy army is always waiting to put down their “Shhh… This Might Be Rosé” mug to go after another mom, they went after Jaime, but she doesn’t care.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Real Tonya Harding With Movie Tonya Harding 

“Ahahahahaha, I’m still laughing over this homely hag playing me in a movie. Hollywood is so weird!” – Tonya Harding in that picture.

About 23 years ago, Tonya Harding was down in out after she lost her figure skating career over her ex-husband and bodyguard hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. But look at Tonya now! She’s happy and healthy-looking and standing next to a movie star at the big Hollywood premiere of a movie that would’ve never happened if she stopped her ex-husband and bodyguard from hiring some goon to bust out her rival’s kneecap. Tonya and the movie version of her, Margot Robbie, posed together at last night’s Hollywood premiere of I, Tonya at The Egyptian Theater. Tonya wore a dress from Cabela’s black label collection and Margot wore an off-brand Elvira Hancock from Scarface costume from Big Lots.

I, Tonya is getting a lot of Oscar talk, including some for Margot Robbie, which I don’t know why since Julie Brown gave the only Tonya Harding performance we need. But Allison Janney, who was there last night serving pure glah-moor in a gold-dipped caftan, is getting the most Oscar talk. As of now, it looks like the Best Supporting Actress Oscar race is down to her for playing Tonya’s abusive monster of a mom and Laurie Metcalf for Lady Bird. I hope that Allison picked up her caftan and ran off when Tonya whispered in her ear last night, “So, Al, I hear the Oscur is down to you and your rival Aunt Jackie. You know I know I guy….”

Pics: Wenn.com

Jaime Pressly Gave Birth To Her Twins

I will do everything in my power not to make a My Name is Exhausted joke. People magazine says that 40-year-old Jaime Pressly is now the mother of two twin boys. Jaime announced her pregnancy in the summer and said that she and her 39-year-old boyfriend Hamzi Hijazi were expecting twins, but she didn’t do IVF to get pregnant. Well, surprise, sperm and eggs work in magical ways, and now she’s got two new babies that were born last week.

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Jaime Pressly Is Pregnant With Twins

When Jaime Pressly shook the extra pee dribbles off her pregnancy test a few months ago, she was hoping to see the word “pregnant.” She got her wish and more. 39-year-old Jaime tells People that she and her 38-year-old boyfriend had been trying for a kid for a while, and admits they definitely weren’t expecting to get two for the price of one.

“Twins don’t run on either side of our families so we were completely shocked. This wasn’t IVF or anything like that. It was just a shock, and I’m like, ‘Doctor, that’s impossible!'”

“I’ve always wanted three kids and the older I’m getting, I’m like, ‘Okay, maybe just one more would be nice.” Pressly jokes that expecting two babies is “God cutting me some slack.”

Jaime has a 10-year-old son named Desi with her ex-boyfriend Eric Calvo.

She also announced the news on Instagram with that picture and a caption reading: “Big news for our family! Dezi’s going to be a big brother, times 2! Get all the details in my interview with @people (link in bio) #ClearblueConfirmed #ClearbluePartner #twins #family.”

Congrats to Jaime, but I’m personally more excited that Jaime announced her twins by having her publicist call up People AND by posing for a tasteful picture with her Clearblue piss stick. It’s been so long since a celebrity announced their pregnancy with a Clearblue-sponsored post, I was starting to think it had fallen out of fashion.

Pic: Instagram

Kendall Jenner Fired A Bodyguard After She Was Robbed

Kim Kardashian replicant Kendall Jenner was relieved of over $200,000 worth of ugly jewelry on Wednesday night. Police think that either a party guest pilfered her jewelry box or someone tip-toed their way in during said party to get to her expensive baubles (which she’s usually splashing all over on the Internet). Either way, someone had to be blamed and a security guard is currently updating his LinkedIn’s “skills” section to include “Guarding Narcissistic Mounds of Plastic.”

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