Much like some asshole midlife crisis jerk leaving his first wife for a 20-year-old trophy, Hollywood considers you an old hag only fit to play someone’s decrepit, cobwebbed aunt in a retirement community once you clear 35. Case in point – Charlize Theron being offered the role of Wonder Woman’s mom. She’s 43. Wonder Woman’s portrayer Gal Gadot is 34. Wait, what?
Variety has published a list of the top earning celebrities for 2019 and Martin Lawrence is sitting pretty at the big boys’ (and girls, and Tommy Girl’s) table. And no, I’m not talking about that Martin Lawrence, I’m talking about original recipe Martin Lawrence. Thanks to his Bad Boys For Life co-star Will Smith, Martin Fitzgerald Lawrence out-earned Academy Award nominees Jessica Chastain and Joaquin Phoenix. The three-time Kid’s Choice nominee was paid $6 million for reprising his role in the Bad Boys 3-sequel. I guess that creepy genie really can make wishes come true!
Because the folks at Warner Bros. presumably like making money and because last year’s Wonder Woman starring Gal Gadot raked in $822 million worldwide, they’re at work on the seque right nowl. The studio released a few first looks of the next movie, and it reveals that we’ll watch Wonder Woman taking to the 1980’s in the film, to be called Wonder Woman 1984. I get that nobody freaks our inner middle schooler out like a George Orwell reference, but I really think they missed an opportunity here by not having Wonder Woman just team up with Julia Sugarbaker to take down that bitch who mocked Suzanne during that “The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia” episode of the first season of Designing Women. Continue reading
Note that I left out the word “mess,” as there’s no question that the messiest part of the red carpet was most likely the three square feet of space occupied by Ryan Seacrest.
If there was an award for red carpet fashion that makes you question a stylist’s sanity, Nicole Kidman would be that category’s Meryl Streep. Nicole arrived in an Armani Prive gown that does double duty. From the waist-up she’s very mascot of a sexy frozen fish company, and from the waist down I’m getting a reminder to please separate my plastic recyclables from my paper.
I’m so used to seeing Oprah Winfrey giving tons of high-energy excitement on the cover of O Magazine, that it’s a little weird to see her working such drabness on the cover of Vanity Fair’s annual Hollywood Issue. I know the theme of ever Hollywood Issue “Stars who forgot to pop an Ambien the night before and only got 2 hours of sleep,” and I’ll applaud Oprah for playing along. But you know there’s a part of her that wanted to drop Reese Witherspoon, rip off that black satin duvet cover to reveal a shimmering jewel-toned gown underneath, throw up her arms and crank a full-tooth smile behind a headline that reads “2018 Is Your Year To SHINE!”
Hollywood decided to wear black at the Golden Globes last Sunday night in silent protest of the industry’s sexual assault problem. But four days later, most Hollywood people at the Critics’ Choice Awards went with color.
Kate Bosworth didn’t wear color, but she did wear a mess. Kate is wearing a dress by Brock Collection, but if I hadn’t been told who made her dress, I’d assume she went into a formal event showroom on a particularly dry day, collected too much static electricity while trying on a bridal gown with her socks on, and accidentally left the store with a child’s christening gown that was stuck to her. The best part is that the fun didn’t end when Kate turned around.