“Wonder Woman 1984” Scored The Biggest Box-Office Of The Pandemic And A Third Movie Is Being Fast-Tracked
Wonder Woman 1984 was released in theaters and on HBO Max on Christmas Day, and many watched it and thought, “Okay, that was a mess that actually happened.” The reviews have also been mixed, but since it’s one of the only big movies to come out in theaters in the past few months, it got the biggest box office opening of the pandemic. And because of that, a third movie has been fast-tracked. Oh good! Because a significant drop in quality will absolutely be remedied by then speeding up the next.
It looks like we’ll finally all get to see the much-anticipated and constantly delayed release of Wonder Woman 1984, the sequel to 2017’s Wonder Woman. And you don’t even have to leave the comfort (and safety) of your own home to do it. That’s because Warner Bros. announced that WW84 will be dropping in theaters on Christmas Day, as previously promised, but it will also premiere on HBO Max. I guess I should have been more specific when I said we’ll all finally get to see it. Technically you’re gonna have to have an HBO Max subscription, or enough charm and charisma to butter up a friend who will give you their log-in and password info. Hey, it’s the holidays – it’s the least they can do, right?
Deadline reports that Paramount Pictures has won the right to mount a probably cursed production of Cleopatra starring Gal Gadot with Wonder Woman’s Patty Jenkins directing. Patty and Gal will also be producers on the movie. Deadline says of Gal that “the film was her idea” which is crazy because I’m pretty sure it’s been done before. And of course, since Gal isn’t the actual mummified corpse of Cleopatra, people have expressed strong opinions online about her suitability for the role. Nevertheless, it turns out that the whole time Gal was singing Imagine, she wasn’t imagining a world free from disease and strife, she was imagining being The Queen of a world full of disease and strife. Side note: That Imagine video was posted on March 19th, DAY 6 of lockdown in California. It is now day 209. Carry on if you are able.
The Batman wasn’t the only DC FanDome premiere yesterday that managed to bring the nerdgasms. After Wonder Woman came out in 2017 and became a huge hit, bringing in $821 million worldwide, director Patty Jenkins and Gal Gadot re-teamed for the sequel Wonder Woman 1984, which is scheduled to come out on October 2, and the latest trailer may make you want to splatter antibacterial shampoo onto your screen because Kristen Wiig’s Cheetah has a serious case of mange.
Actors hungry for that Oscar prepared for hustling season last night by Spanx-ing up their bodies, saying goodbye to real food for a couple of months and gargling with lemon-infused hot water so their voices are moistened up enough for them to talk, talk and talk about how much they suffered while playing the role they should win all the awards for. Of course I’m not lumping Laurie Metcalf with those actors. She doesn’t have to do all that shit, because she’s Laurie Fucking Metcalf and if she wants respect, all she has to do is say, “I played Aunt Jackie in Roseanne.”
Awards season officially started last night with the opening of The Palm Springs International Film Festival, where Jessica Chastain (Chairman’s Awards), everyone involved with The Shape of Water (Vanguard Award), Allison Janney (Spotlight Award), Gary Oldman (Desert Palm Achievement Award, Actor), Mary J. Blige (Breakthrough Performance Award), Holly Hunter (Career Achievement Award), Timothée Chalamet (Rising Star Award), Willem Dafoe (Icon Award) and more were honored.
Laurie Metcalf was there to honor her Lady Bird co-star Saoirse Ronan with the Desert Palm Achievement Award, Actress. We already knew this, but Aunt Jackie is a saint. I mean, she showed up to an award show to give someone else a trophy instead of getting one. A 20-year-old model is probably trapped under a passed out Leonardo DiCaprio right now, because he fainted over the thought of that.
Not only did Laurie Metcalf show up to honor someone else, but she brought the glamour too by wearing what a 90s Taco Bell would wear if it was turned into a human and became the leader of a new age cult.
Here’s more from last night, and you can stop after Suzanne Somers, because the star power and glamour does downhill from there.
A couple of months ago, James Cameron opined that the most recent Patty Jenkins helmed blockbuster Wonder Woman, starring Gal Gadot, was a step back for women everywhere because Gal has nice tits. Recently, James was out promoting Avatar 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 8 (7 will go straight to streaming) and decided to show the world what a real feminist looks like and doubled down on his criticism of Patty’s “too hot for basement dwelling neckbeards to handle” film. Thankfully Lynda Carter, a true feminist icon, was there to titty slap James across the face.