Category: Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson Says Her Ego Is Too Fragile To Be On Social Media

April 6, 2023 / Posted by:

Now that Scarlett Johansson has somersaulted her way out of playing Black Widow for the rest of her life, she’s focused on her other endeavors, including her business and her family. What she is NOT focused on, however, is the dirty, glass-covered playground of danger called social media. And the reason why ScarJo isn’t interested in letting people know every aspect of her life twenty-four hours a day is that she claims her ego is much too fragile to endure that kind of scrutiny. So, science teachers, update your curriculum to include the new fact that trees have egos!

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Here’s The Trailer For Wes Anderson’s “Asteroid City” Featuring Twee Pastels Galore And A Silver Fox Tom Hanks

March 29, 2023 / Posted by:

If you’ve got a SAG card in your wallet right now, then congratulations on the release of the trailer for your upcoming movie Asteroid City! I mean, it seems like every working actor in Hollywood has been crammed into Wes Anderson’s latest cinematic twee overload. Actually, let me correct myself. It seems like every working actor in Hollywood is in this except for Wes Anderson’s longtime muse Bill Murray. Along with Bottle Rocket, Asteroid City is the second Wes Anderson movie that Bill is not in. Bill was originally cast but dropped out before filming, and it had nothing to do with him being accused of sexual harassment on the set of Aziz Ansari’s movie (Aziz’s movie started filming nearly a year after Asteroid City finished filming.) Bill had to quit that twee bitch after he caught COVID-19, and it looks like he was replaced with one of the first famous types to catch COVID , Tom Hanks, who is giving you silver retro daddy in Asteroid City. I have a feeling that Tom Hanks has been an undercover silver fox for many years and was dyeing his hair. I’m sure his mop instantly turned totally grey the first time he Googled his son Chet Haze.

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Scarlett Johansson Told A Story About Woody Allen Being Unprofessional And Talked About Being “Groomed” To Be A “Bombshell”

December 14, 2022 / Posted by:

Well, it finally happened. One of Woody Allen’s last remaining muses has turned on him. In a new interview for her agent’s husband’s new podcast Table for Two, Scarlett Johansson ripped Woody a new one, effectively ensuring that he’ll never work in this town again! While discussing her experience working with Woody on the Barcelona set of Vicky Cristina Barcelona (FYI “he’s untouchable there,” “God-level” even), Scarlett revealed that Woody is such a goof; he once made the crew work overtime because his own hilarious dick joke so amused him, he couldn’t stop laughing. And since respecting the crew is Scarlett’s #1 priority after getting that bag and giving her name as “guest whenever she accompanies her husband Colin Jost to various awards shows, she really let Woody have it, admitting that because of his “giggles, giggles, giggles,” the resulting take that ended up in the film is “really not great.” OK, so it’s like #3.

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Scarlett Johansson Has Settled Her Breach Of Contract Lawsuit With Disney

October 1, 2021 / Posted by:

Right after Scarlett Johansson filed her breach of contract lawsuit against Disney over Black Widow’s release, Disney did the absolute most to make it seem like Scarlett had no case against them. And for a while, it really did feel like this was going to end up with Mickey Mouse in a courtroom trying not to bust out an arrogant “Ho ho” while testifying against her. Well, it looks like someone decided to make this situation disappear by reaching into his little red shorts and pulling out his checkbook. Because Scarlett Johansson has confirmed that she’s settled her lawsuit against Disney.

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Scarlett Johannson’s Attorney Slaps At Disney For Wanting To Move Her “Black Widow” Lawsuit Into Arbitration 

August 22, 2021 / Posted by:

Johnny Depp v. Amber Head, step aside (but watch for the turds). Angelina Jolie v. Brad Pitt, have a fucking seat. Because the newest Hollywood divorce fight between Scarlett Johansson and Mickey Mouse is getting messier. Disney wants to legally battle ScarJo behind closed doors, which is a little surprising to me since Mickey Mouse is a greedy bitch and you’d think he’d want to sell Pay-Per-View tickets to his oil wrestling match with ScarJo (I’m guessing that’s how they’re going to settle this mess). But ScarJo’s head lawyer, John Berlinski, wants the case to be fought in public and thinks that Mickey Mouse is shaking with fear over the truth being revealed!

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Scarlett Johansson Gave Birth To Her And Colin Jost’s Son

August 18, 2021 / Posted by:

Two seconds after Colin Jost confirmed the rumors that Scarlett Johansson was pregnant, Black Widow gave birth! That’s right… somewhere on this planet, there is a half-potato/half-tree hybrid baby. Scarlett’s rep revealed the big news with People, sharing that the couple “recently” welcomed their first baby together. Then Colin jumped on Instagram and wrote that it was a baby boy and “his name is Cosmo.” Cosmo is cute, I guess, but I thought they’d go for something more fitting like “Spruce Spud” or “Willow Tater” (although that’s clearly a girl’s name).

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