Yesterday, Scarlett Johansson ripped the pompoms out of Diane Keaton’s hands and usurped her position as Woody Allen’s loudest and most-committed cheerleader during an interview with The Hollywood Reporter. She was like, “Gimme a W…as in, Why can’t you believe that Woody is innocent? Gimme an O…as in, Oh man, do I love Woody.” Scarlett – who is a huge #MeToo and Time’s Up supporter – claimed she asked Woody about the molestation allegations made by Dylan Farrow, and Woody said he didn’t do it, and she’s good with that. I think it’s an understatement to say that many thought WTF about her comments. You can count Dylan Farrow as one of them.
July 2019: Scarlett Johansson provides the internet with material for years when she responds to casting criticism by defiantly claiming she should be able to play any character, even a tree. Thus subsequently making trees the butt of many, many jokes.
September 2019: All those poor trees finally catch a much-needed break when Scarlett opens her mouth and gives the world a new reason to roll their eyes. And that reason’s name is Woody Allen.
Scarlett Johansson is one of Hollywood’s most talented and versatile actresses. She’s a cisgender white woman who can play trans people! And Asians! For God’s sake, she recently revealed that she can play trees! It makes perfect sense that Forbes just named the woman who continually asks Meryl Streep to hold her beer as the highest-paid actress of 2019.
Scarlett Johansson and Colin Jost got engaged in May, and now she’s proving that one of the many roles she can play is a fiancé with an enormous brown engagement ring. ScarJo’s engagement ring is reportedly worth $400,000, so if Colin paid for it himself, he’s probably going to hit up Lorne Michaels to ask for extra Saturday Night Live skits to be put in so he can pay off his credit card bill after buying that ring.
Never mind earthquakes. California was nearly taken out yesterday by the tsunami of fanboy drool created by Marvel Studios announcing all of their upcoming movie and TV offerings at San Diego Comic-Con. Angelina Jolie sashayed out to get that Marvel money and officially joined the cast of The Eternals. Natalie Portman deigned to make an appearance to announce that she’s going to be the new female Thor. Marvel also exhibited their absolute fearlessness when they revealed that they’ve recast Blade with Oscar winner Mahershala Ali. Their security must be aces because Noxeema Jackson is going to show up with an uzi when she hears that she’s not getting any cash from Marvel anytime soon with which to pay off her outstanding IRS tab.
Scarlett Johansson Wants You To Know She Should Be Able To Play All Types Of Characters, Even Trees.
Scarlett, please, go sit your ass down somewhere, darling. Because Scarlett Johansson still salty about having to give up a role where she would be portraying transgender pimp Dante “Tex” Gill. Scarlett believes she should be able to play any role that she wants. And by any role I literally mean any role. Really, did she even need to say that since anybody who knows about that Ghost In The Shell flops knows ScarJo takes any role she wants.