Category: Gwyneth Paltrow

Gwyneth Paltrow Is A Whole Dollar Richer After A Jury Declares She’s Not Liable In Utah Ski Crash Case

March 30, 2023 / Posted by:

The people of Park City, Utah, better triple mask up unless they want to choke on the massive amounts of snooty smug wafting off Gwyneth Paltrow today. Because Goopy was victorious in her hit-and-run ski accident case. 50-year-old Gwyneth may not have destroyed 76-year-old retired optometrist Dr. Terry Sanderson on the slopes, but she destroyed him in court. The jury ruled that Terry was 100% at fault for the crash. Terry was originally suing Gwyneth for $3.1 million in damages, but that case was dismissed. So he re-filed, asking for $300,000 in damages instead. Gwyneth countersued for $1 in damages plus attorney fees, and that’s what the jury awarded her in court. Goopy’s traveling team of butlers better pull out her best bottle of sparkling bone broth because she’s partying tonight! I bet she’ll even have two glasses. Go wild, Goopy!

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During Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ski Accident Trial, Her Team Deployed Visual Aids And Her Daughter Recalled Her Getting A Massage After The Crash

March 29, 2023 / Posted by:

As day 6,506 seven of Gwyneth Paltrow’s ski accident trial continues to snowplow its way towards justice, and hopefully, hot toddies all around, no expense has been spared on either side. In the life-or-ego-death battle to determine which rich white person ran into the other on that fateful day in 2016, in which Gwyneth alleges she lost a half day of skiing and her accuser, Terry Sanderson, alleges he lost half of his mind, we’ve watched as a parade of expert witnesses racked up the billable hours to so far prove that something abominable happened on the mountain that day.

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The Alleged Victim In Gwyneth Paltrow’s Ski Accident Trial Claims He Can No Longer Enjoy Wine Tasting Because Of Her

March 23, 2023 / Posted by:

A scream pierces the crystalline blue skies above a pristine alpine wonderland. Suddenly, chaos. A once “charming” man’s life is forever altered. He is, after a run-in with one Gwyneth Kate Paltrow, AKA the Cashmere Yeti, “no longer charming.” So says the attorney of Terry Sanderson, the man who claims his ability to enjoy the finer things in life, like wine tasting, was snuffed out in an instant when Gwyneth plowed into him on the bunny slope of the Deer Valley Resort in Park City, Utah on Feb. 26, 2016, a day that will live in infamy. The stakes literally could not be higher for Gwyneth as she continues to fight for her honor in a drab and drafty civil courtroom. Gwyneth stands accused of causing Terry to suffer “a life-altering brain injury” as a result of her “neglect, her choices and her disregard,” according to The Washington Post. Terry, 76, is suing Gwyneth for $300,000, down from his initial request for $3 million. Gwyneth is counter-suing for $1.

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Chris Martin Says He Only Eats One Meal A Day To Look Like Bruce Springsteen

March 23, 2023 / Posted by:

Insider reports Chris Martin went on Conan O’Brien’s podcast, Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend, and the pair chatted about meeting their heroes. Conan asked Chris if any of his idols ever gave him advice over dinner, and Chris revealed that, actually, he doesn’t eat dinner anymore. He stops eating at 4 pm and only has one big meal daily. Like a snake! Now, before you blame Chris’ strict diet on his ex-wife, bone broth enthusiast Gwyneth Paltrow, think again. It’s actually Bruce Springsteen’s fault! Turns out The Boss doesn’t just have a Hungry Heart; he also has a Hungry Tummy.

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s “Hit-And-Run” Ski Trial Begins Today

March 21, 2023 / Posted by:

Gwyneth Paltrow is facing her actions in court starting today. But no, she’s not on trial for shilling overpriced coochie eggs, expensive dildos, ridiculous diets, and ridiculous health tips. Back in 2016, Gwyneth suffered some real Rich People Problems™ when she had a collision with a man on a ski slope in Park City, Utah. The man, 76-year-old Terry Sanderson, ended up suing 50-year-old Gwyneth for $3.1 million, and she countersued. The trial started today in Park City, and Goopy is expected to take the stand.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Clarifies That She Eats More Than Bone Broth

March 18, 2023 / Posted by:

To some, wellness means caring for your mind, body, and soul and approaching things with a balanced mindset. To others, it means an opportunity to lord over those peons who gorge on the recommended intake of 2000 calories a day and don’t have a team of on-call skincare specialists! Gwyneth Paltrow recently shared the secret to how she manages to stay so thin, pleasant and grounded: bone broth and coffee. Unfortunately, GOOP naysayers came for her, saying ludicrous things like “you can’t stay alive just eating broth” and “this is giving eating disorder.” Gwyneth shot back at haters saying to get the rectal ozone stick out of their asses because, ACTUALLY, she eats human food sometimes!

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