In case you’re looking for a Material Top or a Material Bottom on Grindr while watching Madonna hump the stage later this year at DELAYED show residencies, you’re shit out of luck! Madonna, who spent a good chunk of Hamilton texting most likely her latest youngin’ to suck the soul from, will NOT be ignored. No, that doesn’t mean she’s going to use another Aretha Franklin memorial segment to promote herself. Instead, she’s making people check their cell phones AND their dignity when they arrive to her shows this fall.
Don’t even think about it, Beyoncé! Sure, there’s chatter that Adele’s album is already in the can and on track for a November release. Sure, that likely is already destined for Grammy greatness because it was done after she announced separated from husband Simon Konecki in April, but now she’ll be able to add a few divorce dubstep remixes to it and really rack up some trophies! Adele and Simon split five months ago, and the rest of us selfish bitches immediately got excited thinking we were saved from a BS album about happy motherhood and our gal would be going back to her bitter breakup roots. It sounds like we may get a string of bitter albums because Adele filed for divorce…and don’t forget that Simon may be entitled to half her assets!
It’s been ages, but some things will never change. Duchess Meghan and Prince Harry are still getting dragged in the press and not just because Duchess Kate has a special cell phone just to call every British tabloid and dish on what sleeveless number du jour ol’ Meg wore to dinner/ruin centuries of pointless royal tradition. There’s the fact that Meggy may or may not be a bad luck charm for Serena Williams and then there’s the whole talking climate change out of one side of their mouth while hitching a ride on Elton John’s private, enormous carbon footprint-leaving jet.
Meg’s latest round of saving face is launching a fashion collection to help dress unemployed women for job interviews. Rather than, y’know, talk charity, one of the collaborators, fashion designer and Meg’s good friend Misha Nonoo, was asked about and blabbed about how everyone is being unfair to her pal. Continue reading
I would imagine the only thing eaten at the Met Gala is one’s words when Anna Wintour shows up in that same mother of the bride dress with a boa year after year and you have to pretend to like it or else never appear on Vogue again. The horror! Anyway, Tiffany Haddish seemed to confirm what we all thought: the only things served at a Met Gala are eye rolls and vodka waters. Tiffany arrived to last night’s camp-themed event looking like the Hamburglar with a Ramen wig topped with a hat I definitely have seen worn around town by some Paul Revere impersonators, but her weave wasn’t the only food she was packing. Tiff brought her secret chicken recipe for when she knew she wouldn’t get full from the menu of Tic-Tacs and self-loathing inside.
Fitting that I’m writing about Cher because you haven’t seen the last of me!
Most years it seems like 90% of the tricks who somehow get an invite to the Met Gala ignore the theme and just shamelessly promote themselves with a hot piece on their arm and perky chi-chis (just ask Tom Brady. His chi-chis are always perky and he avoids Met Gala theme). This year’s camp theme actually got some people adhering to the costume rule, but the night’s biggest surprise, however, came later when Cher (the actual Cher) showed up to sing.
The only thing more suspect than Tom Brady’s deflated balls is how he two-stepped over from pregnant ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan and got with Gisele Bundchen. Gisl has already blabbed in the past about how it was kind of messy (Tom and Bridget didn’t know she was pregnant when they split…but still) and even thought about dumping his ass. When Bridget named their kid John Edward Thomas (the same initials as New England Patriots rival the New York Jets), most people thought that was her saying exactly how she felt. Now, Bridget wrote an essay and seems to be kind of peachy with how things ended up. Dammit, what’s with all the happiness in this jaded world?!