King Charles Gets Dragged For Asking British Subjects To Recite An Oath To Him On Coronation Day, And He May Be Hiding His “Sausage Fingers” In Pictures
Hundreds of years ago, if you wanted the throne, you’d have to kill some people for it, but in 2023 all King Charles needs to do is kill his image. The long, almost never-ending road leading up to King Charles’ coronation has been fraught with bumps- from Prince Harry’s messy tell-all book to Prince Andrew simply existing. And now, Charles is yet again in the thick of it after The Palace asked the British people to recite a “Homage of the People” oath to their new king from their couch or on the streets on Coronation Day. Good luck with that, Chuck. But there is a chance that some of King Charles’ haters will be chanting, “Down with Sausage Fingers,” instead because some think that he’s been hiding his fingers in pictures after people continually made fun of them.
Gordon Lightfoot Has Died
Sad news. Legendary singer-songwriter Gordon Lightfoot has passed away at age 84. His publicist told the CBC that Gordon died last night at a Toronto hospital. The cause of death is unknown, but he canceled all of his 2023 concerts three weeks ago due to “some health-related issues.”
Open Post: Hosted By Jennifer Lopez At The Met Gala Sans Ben Affleck
Last night hundreds of fashionistas (and a handful of fashion-NO-stas) bum-rushed the annual Met Gala in New York City to pay tribute to late couture curmudgeon Karl Lagerfeld, who was certain to be judging with mean giggles and side-eyes. But one person who knew she couldn’t let herself or Karl down was Jennifer Lopez. JLo arrived draped in head-to-toe Ralph Lauren, peering into the cameras with her patented “You poor people stay away from me” gaze. And in an attempt to keep her evening free from sad boy energy, she left her husband Ben Affleck at home. But I’m sure he was more than happy to skip this one.
Beyond The Boring Ass Black Suit: Lil Nas X Served Silver Nalgas And Pedro Pascal Gave Us Leg At The Met Gala
Since the Met Gala’s theme this year was a tribute to Kunty Karl, who was the overlord of Chanel for decades, there were more pearl necklaces than a bukkake convention and enough lace to pull David’s Bridal out of bankruptcy. There was also a sea of basic black suits since many dudes just rolled out of bed and into a boring ensemble their assistant picked up for them the day before at Brooks Brothers. But not every dude showed up dressed like they were going to a funeral (which was fitting since the real star of the Met Gala was born and died last night).
Billy Porter is usually the Maestro of Over-The-Top Fashun Foolery at the Met Gala, but he sat out this year. But luckily, Lil Nas X grabbed Billy’s sparkly baton and moistened tips by doing himself up like Liberace’s answer to the Tin Man. And Pedro Pascal also gave everyone a case of the tingles by simply showing off his slutty daddy legs.
Gwyneth Paltrow Won’t Be Getting Her Ski Trial Legal Fees Back, After All
The smugness and hilarity of Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson’s 8-day ski accident trial held us in a tight grip a few months ago and ended when the jury sided with Gwyneth and found Terry Sanderson at fault for the crash that caused her to miss “half a day of skiing,” and left him alleged health issues. This meant he’d be on the hook to pay Goopy her sanctimonious statement damages of $1, along with her legal fees. And just when we thought that was all over and a new sham of a case came along to captivate us (Jury Duty, of course), Goop and Terry are back in the news since their lawyers met and eventually agreed to drop the part about him paying her lawyers.
Kim Kardashian, Kendall Jenner, And Kylie Jenner Attended The Met With No Threat Of Damaging A Historical Relic This Time
Despite Anna Wintour’s sources tempting us with a good time, there WERE several Kardashians/Jenners at last night’s Met Gala. We already knew Kim Kardashian ended up on the guest list, and Kendall Jenner would probably be there since Karl Lagerfeld was a fan of hers, but we got Kylie Jenner too. Though all three are famous solely because of Kim’s pussy, none of them ended up being the ones to dress up as Karl’s famous pussy, Choupette. And Kim and her ex, Pete Davidson, wanted attention had a cordial-looking conversation.