Ben Affleck has decided that there is not enough room on his back for any more huge mistakes and is turning his life around. Sources are saying that Ben is embracing a clean lifestyle, spending time with his kids, and is staying away from date until he has it all the way together. The floor of Instagram today is covered with the tears of 20-something THOTs would dream of becoming Ben’s next girl.
When Ben Affleck made it clear that he’s not going to be Batman again, a rumor sprang up that we were going to get a smug pretty boy hunk Batman in the form of Armie Hammer. That proved to be untrue. But during the conversation about Armie Hammer, it came up that the next Batman, appearing in the upcoming The Batman, would most likely be played by a younger actor. And then it was rumored back in February that Robert Pattison will scowl and grunt at villains through that cheap rubber mask. And now, according to several sources, that’s going to happen.
There have been many famous Batmen over the years. Some more famous than others and some considered better for the job than others. Of course there are contemporaries, like Christian Bale and Ben Affleck, but there were also OG Batmen like Lewis Wilson and Adam West. In the 90s, a rising George Clooney played Batman in Batman & Robin during a high-point in his career and it led to him becoming known as the worst one ever. That is, until Ben Affleck took the heat off of him as he became loathed for his role in the most recent Justice League and Batman V. Superman movies. But the ultimate gag is: George told Ben not to do it. Should have listened, but I mean–a paycheck is a paycheck.
Pour out that venti Americano with a splash of almond milk from Starbucks (actually don’t, because that mess probably cost you like $45 and there’s no need to waste it on these two), because Ben Affleck and Lindsay Shookus have left us SHOOKus once again by delivering the sequel to their first break up. They have ended things again. My thoughts and prayers are with the entire coffee industry who are definitely shaking in fear over their future now that coffee’s IT couple has broken up. The shoulder of Juan Valdez’s donkey is probably covered in his tears as he cries on his sidekick over this awful news.
OK, at least laying claim to stale jelly-filled doughnuts and iced coffee isn’t as bad as, y’know, being a white woman who thinks she birthed the ancient practice of yoga. Ben Affleck is a Boston boy, and apparently some Masshole traits have moved with him to Hollywood, like rooting for the Red Sox, foul taste in body art, and starting the day with a giant vat of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.
Ben Affleck is back on the scene post rehab, so you know what that means: back to innocuous interviews with other celebrities and hosts where you talk about non-essential bullshit while promoting a project! Yay! Ben stopped by Ellen and they talked all about his sobriety and, more importantly, that back tattoo that looks like a Meat Loaf album cover barfed all over him.