Katy Perry is STILL pregnant with a baby, but today, she gave birth to another kind of baby, a terrifying clown baby in the form of her video for Smile. In Katy’s video for Never Worn White, she revealed that she’s pregnant with Orlando Bloom’s baby, and in her video for Smile, she revealed that she’s a big fan of commercials for children’s game apps, which is what the video looks like. And if Zoloft and Lexapro needed a theme song they should send Katy a check right now, because this is it!
In case you were not aware, Dolly Parton is a beautiful angel whose wings rest inside her many wigs, which is why it always looks like she’s floating on air. And if you ever say anything bad about her I will personally pull up to your house and sing Jolene for nine hours straight, which is the punishment nobody wants or deserves. Clearly, you see I Stan for Dolly. And now, after finding out she stands 100% in solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement don’t be surprised if you see me next week waiting by the gates of Dollywood for my hero to arrive so she can sign my VHS copy of Straight Talk.
Most movie theaters have been closed since March since they are COVID-19 playgrounds, but even though shit is still serious when it comes to coronavirus, AMC will begin reopening theaters in the U.S. on August 20. And in an attempt to drive our case numbers deeper into the millions, they are offering incredible deals like charging only 15 cents for tickets on its re-opening day. So you can either stay at home and watch Black Panther bareback-style (AKA without a mask) on Disney+ or you can pay 15 cents to watch it at a movie theater while putting a popcorn kernel in your mouth every 5 seconds to make sure you can still taste.
If you’ve seen the video for WAP, Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion‘s ode to gynecologists everywhere, hen you know that they’ve successfully thrown together the Quarantine’s first (and so far only) chicken choking contribution for the culture. Perhaps they should rename it FAP because I’m sure more than just a video was released on the day it premiered, if you know what I mean. Well, Cardi doesn’t just want to stop there. She is now twerking her way on over to OnlyFans, AKA the Masterpiece Theater of Masturbation, to create her own page. But she wants everyone to know that it’s NOT because she’s ready to replace her microphone for a vibrator in the next step toward becoming 2020’s Vanessa del Rio.
Last week, Trader Joe’s said that they were changing the names on the labels of some of their ethnic foods, like Trader Ming’s, Trader Jose, and Arabian Joe, after over 5,000 people signed a petition started by 17-year-old Briones Bedell, who said that the names were racist stereotypes. Well, to be a fly in a Hawaiin shirt on the wall of Trader Joe’s PR department, because they have released a statement saying that they do not make decisions based on petitions and that some of the names are staying. This is more confusing than the ingredients list on a TJ’s product.
Ellen DeGeneres Apologizes To Her Staff In A Memo, And Now There’s Sexual Misconduct Claims Against Executive Producers
When more and more people started to publicly talk about how Ellen DeGeneres is really Maleficent in The Gap drag, it looked like the woman who voiced Dory in Finding Nemo was trying to swim away from the bad press until it blew over. Well, it didn’t blow over. Stories from former and current employees of The Ellen DeGeneres Show spoke out about what a nightmare working on the show is and then we found out that WarnerMedia is doing an internal investigation into the toxic workplace allegations. And now there are stories about alleged sexual assault from executive producers. And AND Ellen has finally attempted a little damage control by sending out an apology to her entire staff.