Category: Coronation Shit

King Charles Poses With His Family, Queen Camilla, And The Future Kings In A New Series Of Portraits

May 13, 2023 / Posted by:

Hot on the heels of his big crowning ceremony and concert that brought out the biggest and brightest in reality tv show hosts, King Charles has released his official portraits. You can’t have layer after layer of heavy, shiny shit put onto you without having it photographed for posterity. One portrait is of the whole gang, the next has him with the final boss of side pieces, Queen Camilla, and the other features two famous guest stars, both of his sausage fingers, Prince William and Prince George. Sadly, the true star of the Coronation, Sir Karl Jenkins, is nowhere in any of these portraits.

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Sir Karl Jenkins Confirms That He Was Not Meghan Markle In Disguise At The Coronation

May 12, 2023 / Posted by:

When Welsh composer Sir Karl Jenkins attended the royal Coronation for King Charles III last weekend, he probably put on his best suit, combed out his giant mustache, and left the house really feeling himself- only to have his picture and videos from the Coronation go viral under the assertion that CLEARLY, he’s actually Meghan Markle in disguise. But Sir Karl has popped up on TikTok to say that he’s definitely not Meghan Markle. Or…is that exactly what Meghan Markle wants us to think??!!

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King Charles III’s Big Day Featured Crowns, Joanna Lumley, And A Yawning Prince Louis

May 6, 2023 / Posted by:

If you’re a Brit, then I’m sure your vocal cords are sore (and not in a sexy way) from loudly chanting that oath of allegiance to King Charles III on his Coronation Day. Or your vocal cords are sore from loudly snoring while sleeping through King Chuck’s Corny because you don’t give one shit about it. Whatever the case, King Charles and Queen Camilla’s bloomers filled with panty pudding royale today as they were crowned during the scaled-back three-day Coronation event that is costing British taxpayers ONLY $125 million. King Charles and Queen Camilla’s crowning ceremony happened at Westminster Abbey today and featured a spotlight-stealing cameo from little Prince Louis and a quick appearance by Prince Harry, whose ass is already on a plane back to California for his son Prince Archie’s fourth birthday.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Giant Penis That Someone Mowed Into The Lawn Where A Coronation Party Is Set To Take Place

May 5, 2023 / Posted by:

We are literally just hours away from King Charles III’s Big Day, and many in Britain couldn’t be unhappier. But like it or not, King Chuck and his ride-or-die second wife, Queen Camilla, are preparing for all of their celebrations away from everyone not important enough to be there. So those poor sods are left to their own devices to celebrate in their own way. And in the town of Bath, a celebration was set to take place at the historic Royal Crescent this weekend. But now, with the addition of a giant dick mowed into the lawn, they better think of a way to remove it immediately.

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King Charles Gets Dragged For Asking British Subjects To Recite An Oath To Him On Coronation Day, And He May Be Hiding His “Sausage Fingers” In Pictures

May 2, 2023 / Posted by:

Hundreds of years ago, if you wanted the throne, you’d have to kill some people for it,  but in 2023 all King Charles needs to do is kill his image. The long, almost never-ending road leading up to King Charles’ coronation has been fraught with bumps- from Prince Harry’s messy tell-all book to Prince Andrew simply existing. And now, Charles is yet again in the thick of it after The Palace asked the British people to recite a “Homage of the People” oath to their new king from their couch or on the streets on Coronation Day. Good luck with that, Chuck. But there is a chance that some of King Charles’ haters will be chanting, “Down with Sausage Fingers,” instead because some think that he’s been hiding his fingers in pictures after people continually made fun of them.

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Prince Harry Is Expected To Attend Both King Charles’ Coronation AND Archie’s Fourth Birthday Party

May 1, 2023 / Posted by:

Even though Prince Harry and Meghan Markle hoped their family of four would be welcomed with open arms to take center balcony at King Charles III’s Coronation this weekend–complete with a Prince Archie birthday shoutout–after scoring a reluctant, indirect invite, either The Firm laughed in their faces, or Harry found out there won’t be a proper supply of Monica Gellar’s garage fridge-grade shrooms there to make it bearable enough to stay for all three days. As we already heard, Harry’s going to attend the ceremony solo, but it looks like he’s also now decided to only stay in the UK for 24 hours to make an appearance at the main event of his dad’s corny before returning home in time to be at Archie’s “low-key” birthday party.

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