Here’s The Billboard Music Awards Performance That Madonna Reportedly Spent $5 Million Of Her Own Cash On
Sure, Madonna’s new Madame X persona is a mixture of her past personas, and is like Dita from Erotica after drunkenly stumbling into the La Isa Bonita universe, but at least she’s trying to pull out some new shit from her pirate bloomers… Unlike Taylor Swift, who at 60 years old, will probably pull some Whatever Happened To Baby Tay Tay? shit by continuing to lip-synch to a rejected end credits Pixar movie song while girlishly twirling around in a sparkly pastel skating outfit before squealing about kittens, silly boys, and spelling.
At last night’s Billboard Music Awards, Madonna dry butt humped on Maluma as they performed their La Isla Bonita on Ambien song called Medellin. TMZ previously said (they have since taken down the entire post, Madame X got to them!) that she really wanted to make our eyeballs pop out (so that we’d have to buy a limited-edition Madame X eyepatch from her online store) with some TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED HIGH-TECH WIZARDRY so she searched her sofa for $5 million in loose change to pay for her own Billboard Music Awards performance. Basically, she performed with some low-res small ass holograms of herself in various forms of Madame X drag, and I’m disappointed that she missed an opportunity to really bring the controversy by making one of her holograms hologrind on and suck the holotoes of the Tupac hologram. Like the old days!
Madonna recently teased new music and I got excited at first because I love a well-dressed hooker with a dark past, but then I actually heard the song and I was like: “Oh… okay.” It’s not like I hate it, but honestly Madonna needs to give me another Confessions On A Dance Floor which turned me gay in 2005 (just kidding; Sailor Moon turned me gay in 1993). I just want to dance Madonna! And listening to you whisper “cha-cha-cha” does not get my booty thumping.
Regardless, Madonna threw together a video for us and it’s very Madonna. It’s so Madonna that she takes the opportunity–while groping lovingly on Maluma–to lick man’s toe while wearing an eyepatch. Duck, because Quentin Tarantino’s dick just blew off of his body.
Seen above dressed like a child beauty pageant queen about to do a dance performance of the Dixie Chicks’ White Trash Wedding, Madonna has queefed out Medellin, the first single off her new album Madame X. Madge has taken a much-needed break from terrorizing the corneas of her Instagram followers with beyond filtered selfies from creepy HELL and has been using her social media pages to tease her new album and new song with Colombian singer Maluma.
The look for Madge’s new album is like something out of a knock-off Quentin Tarantino movie, so I was into it, but the first song sounds like a Selena Gomez bonus track on the Japanese edition of one of her albums from 2013. No offense to Selena Gomez, bonus tracks, Japanese editions, or 2013.
It was just the other day that Madonna revealed to us that she has a new album coming out called Madame X. The concept album surrounding the character she created known as Madame X has the gays wondering just what we’re going to get from this new persona Madonna is introducing us to. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be unnecessarily slutty. Well we won’t have to wait for long to find out, as she announced on Instagram that her new single Medellin featuring Maluma will be out on Wednesday.