Beyond The Boring Ass Black Suit: Lil Nas X Served Silver Nalgas And Pedro Pascal Gave Us Leg At The Met Gala
Since the Met Gala’s theme this year was a tribute to Kunty Karl, who was the overlord of Chanel for decades, there were more pearl necklaces than a bukkake convention and enough lace to pull David’s Bridal out of bankruptcy. There was also a sea of basic black suits since many dudes just rolled out of bed and into a boring ensemble their assistant picked up for them the day before at Brooks Brothers. But not every dude showed up dressed like they were going to a funeral (which was fitting since the real star of the Met Gala was born and died last night).
Billy Porter is usually the Maestro of Over-The-Top Fashun Foolery at the Met Gala, but he sat out this year. But luckily, Lil Nas X grabbed Billy’s sparkly baton and moistened tips by doing himself up like Liberace’s answer to the Tin Man. And Pedro Pascal also gave everyone a case of the tingles by simply showing off his slutty daddy legs.
Good news, Jennifer Lopez is back to doing what she does best. Not singing! She’s back on the big screen and she’s staring Oscar dead in the eye and daring him to snub her for a second time! And Oscar is very confused because he’s seen the trailer for Marry Me, and honestly, he’s not impressed. It looks like they fired up the old Mad Libs Rom-Com generator for this one and still somehow managed to come up with the least imaginative answers possible. International superstar JLo plays an [occupation] international superstar (OK, she sings a little) who plans to marry her [occupation] international superstar boyfriend, played by international superstar Maluma, live on stage but finds out he’s cheating moments before. So she decides to marry the first schmo she sees who happens to be a [humble occupation] math teacher played by Owen Wilson who is a [endearing trait] single dad. Could it be true love? Or could it be an excuse for JLo to parade around in haute couture? I guess whoever sees this movie will find out! Ben Affleck, you’ll let us know, won’t you?
Maluma and Scott Disick provided the internet with the most confusing of Twitter feuds when the 27-year-old Colombian singer and the 37-year-old… actually, I’m not sure what Scott’s job is exactly. But Maluma and Scott got into it using each other’s @s to swipe at each other. But wait! This makes much more sense when you find out it’s all supposedly a part of a music video promo stunt where Scott and Maluma fight over a hot chick. Hmm, I mean 27 is a lot closer to 19 than 37 but still…
Jennifer Lopez Got Accused Of Stealing Beyoncé’s Entire Vibe For Her American Music Awards Performance
The American Music Awards saw celebrities descend on the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles to sing and dance (and lip-sync) their hearts out. It was nice to see things returning to normal as the celebrities were actually in the same room together (albeit spaced out insanely among the huge venue). And also like normal, they were ripping each other off. Jennifer Lopez found herself to be in the hot seat and was the controversy of the evening over her potential thievery of aesthetics from one Beyoncé Knowles-Carter. BeyHive assemble to defend your Queen. And I’m talking about the actual bees!
The American Music Awards happened last night at the Microsoft Theater in Los Angeles, even though coronavirus numbers continue to spike and Southern California is under a curfew. But the organizers behind the AMAs claim they followed all guidelines. Well, if they’re putting the only people who matter in the world–AKA rich celebrities–in a room together during a pandemic, you know that it’s got all the bases covered. But we’re not here to talk about their health precautions, we’re here to drag their fashion!
Here’s The Billboard Music Awards Performance That Madonna Reportedly Spent $5 Million Of Her Own Cash On
Sure, Madonna’s new Madame X persona is a mixture of her past personas, and is like Dita from Erotica after drunkenly stumbling into the La Isa Bonita universe, but at least she’s trying to pull out some new shit from her pirate bloomers… Unlike Taylor Swift, who at 60 years old, will probably pull some Whatever Happened To Baby Tay Tay? shit by continuing to lip-synch to a rejected end credits Pixar movie song while girlishly twirling around in a sparkly pastel skating outfit before squealing about kittens, silly boys, and spelling.
At last night’s Billboard Music Awards, Madonna dry butt humped on Maluma as they performed their La Isla Bonita on Ambien song called Medellin. TMZ previously said (they have since taken down the entire post, Madame X got to them!) that she really wanted to make our eyeballs pop out (so that we’d have to buy a limited-edition Madame X eyepatch from her online store) with some TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED HIGH-TECH WIZARDRY so she searched her sofa for $5 million in loose change to pay for her own Billboard Music Awards performance. Basically, she performed with some low-res small ass holograms of herself in various forms of Madame X drag, and I’m disappointed that she missed an opportunity to really bring the controversy by making one of her holograms hologrind on and suck the holotoes of the Tupac hologram. Like the old days!