Jenna Bush Hager Let Us Know That She Wasn’t Wearing Underwear While Dining With King Charles The Night Before The Queen’s Passing
If you’re looking for something to file away into the Things I Never Needed To Know compartment of your brain, here’s one; Jenna Bush Hager doesn’t wear underwear. Jenna already let everyone know last month that she doesn’t wear under. And during a recent appearance on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, the subject of her dinner with King Charles came up and Jenna admitted during that fateful night before Queen Elizabeth II‘s passing, she was feeling a little easy and breezy with no chonies on underneath a very tight dress. This is one way to distract everyone from the newest Racist Royal scandal.
Lady Susan Hussey, One Of THE QUEEN’S Ladies In Waiting, Resigned After Repeatedly Asking Black Charity CEO Ngozi Fulani Where She Was “Really” From
In a totally shocking turn of events, one of the Royals did something racist. Introducing Lady Susan Hussey, THE QUEEN’S former Woman of the Bedchamber (a top lady-in-waiting), Lady of the Household (that’s the title King Charles gave her after THE QUEEN’S death), and Prince William’s godmother. Last night, 83-year-old Lady Hussey attended a charity event at Buckingham Palace, also attended by Ngozi Fulani. Ngozi runs Sistah Space, an East London non-profit that supports Black women affected by abuse. Ngozi says Lady Hussey approached her ten minutes into the event. She moved Ngozi’s hair (!!!) to look at her name badge and asked, “Where are you from?” Oh no. Ngozi answered, “Sistah Space.” Lady Hussey asked again. Ngozi answered that her charity was based in Hackney. But we all know that’s not what Lady Hussey meant. She wanted to know where Ngozi’s “people” “really” came from. “What part of Africa are you from?” Ngozi transcribed Lady Hussey’s horrifyingly racist line of questioning on Twitter. After the post went viral, the BBC reported that Buckingham Palace had released a statement saying that “the individual concerned” was sorry and had immediately resigned from her position. Prince William also made his own statement. He said, via a spokesperson, that “racism has no place in our society.” Racism? Bad? Groundbreaking.
Last night was King Charles’ very first state banquet as monarch. The dinner was held for South Africa’s visiting president, Cyril Ramaphosa, who was originally scheduled to make the trip in September. THE QUEEN’S death forced him to reschedule. This banquet was a very big deal (for people who actually give a rat’s ass about the monarchy), so the Royals decided to to bust out the big guns. Their version of “the big guns” is, of course, sparkly tiaras. Queen Consort Camilla wore THE QUEEN’S Belgian Sapphire Tiara and Kate Middleton wore Queen Mary’s Lover’s Knot tiara. The King didn’t get to wear shit. He kept his dome diamond, sapphire, and hair-free. Continue reading
It’s hard to believe that people, MYSELF INCLUDED, thought that the reign of King Charles III would be a flop. So it is with much humility and shame that I must commend him for the fortitude and bravery with which he has faced his toughest challenges as a monarch since outing himself as a feminine hygiene fetishist. From being portrayed by an egregiously more handsome man on The Crown, to ducking eggs like a nebbish third grader who inadvertently wandered into the middle of a dodgeball game, Chuckie Trips has handled himself with aplomb and barely even got ink in his mouth that one time he used that leaky pen. So I am now convinced that there is no storm that King Charles III can’t weather, and that includes Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Netflix documentary series being released in time for Christmas, instead of next year as they reportedly wanted. Even if, as The Sun reports, Harry and Megan weren’t able to make the final changes they wanted to soften the blow in the wake of THE QUEEN’s passing. Now Charles, like Harry, Meghan and the rest of us, are just going to have to suck it up and raw-dog the truth. Consequences be damned!
The Protester Who Threw Eggs At King Charles Isn’t Allowed To Carry Eggs In Public Unless He’s Coming From The Grocery Store
Two days ago, King Charles and Queen Consort Camilla were greeting crowds on a visit to York, when, suddenly, *whoosh* *whoosh* *whoosh* Three eggs were hurled in their direction, and splatted on the ground nearby. The culprit, 23-year-old student/eco-activist Patrick Thelwell managed to yell out,“This country was built on the blood of slaves!” and “Not my king!” before he was wrestled to the ground by bobbies and arrested. After spending 12 hours in a cell, Patrick was released on bail. He is facing a fine of £5,000 and up to six months behind bars.
Now Patrick is speaking about the incident to the media, including The Mirror and Dazed. He reveals that his “amusing” bail conditions include not being allowed within 500 meters of the King (easy) and not being allowed to carry eggs in public… unless he’s coming from the grocery store. Sorry, kids, Uncle Patty can’t run the annual Easter egg hunt this year; he’s banned from carrying eggs in public.
Thanks to scores of Royal watchers, experts, reporters, and armchair enthusiasts, we know a lot of fun little details about the British Royal Family’s proclivities. Their likes, dislikes, quirks, and tics— from how THE QUEEN took her nightly gin to the reports that both Prince Andrew and now King Charles III still sleep with teddy bears— are all public knowledge. Still, despite near constant interest and attention paid to the minutiae of Royal life, apparently, nobody has bothered to find out how King Charles likes his eggs! And so, as with most societies that have been historically separated into the haves, the have-nots and the have-crowns, it is up to the average British citizen to decide for themselves how best to serve their sovereign. People reports that earlier today, one enterprising young subject took it upon himself to find out by lobbing raw eggs at Chuckie Trips and Queen Consort Camilla as they did a walkabout in the city of York. Turns out he prefers them cooked and on a plate.