The Gaping Butthole Is The True (Dirt) Star Of The “Dune” Trailer

/ September 9, 2020

Let’s see, a dusty, raggedy, hungry hole of doom that men will run from at first sight? Why it’s like looking into a mirror… while back down/legs up.

If you’re in certain parts of California, you can look outside of your window and see scenes straight out of Dune thanks to the demonic wildfires. But for others, the trailer for Denis Villeneuve’s take on Frank Herbert’s novel Dune came out today and it’s very Weekend At Burning Man. And I’m sure many a hard-trick are throwing death glares at the grains of sand because millions of them probably got up in Jason Momoa’s crotch during the filming of this. Speaking of Jason, he’s actually not the best part of the trailer. That title solely belongs to the no-no-faced sandworm above. Although, it’s not the biggest asshole in the movie. I mean, Josh Brolin is in this after all.

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David Harbour And Lily Allen Got Married In Vegas

/ September 9, 2020

Rumors of a possible David Harbour/Lily Allen secret marriage have been going around for months. But turns out everything before this has been bullshit, because these two only officially got married on Monday, just a day after receiving their marriage license. The ceremony was in Las Vegas. With an Elvis officiant. And a reception at In-N-Out. Sorry, y’all, Britney Spears and Jason Alexander did it sixteen years ago. Hopefully, this union lasts longer than 55 hours (if they make it past tonight, that’s a win).

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Kyle Newman Claims Jaime King Cleared Out Their Bank Accounts

/ September 9, 2020

We went the whole summer without really hearing much regarding Jaime King’s divorce from Kyle Newman, which was probably for the best, considering initial reports included accusations of drug abuse (against Jaime) and domestic violence (against Kyle). Things are still a major mess between Jaime and Kyle, but the really dark accusations have been temporarily replaced with an accusation from Kyle, where the only abuse is at the expense of a joint bank account.

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Open Post: Hosted By The “Adult” TikTok House

/ September 9, 2020

Someday, three contestants on Jeopardy! will face this head-scratcher of a final question: “Hype, Sway, and Honey are three examples of these.” The nerds will furrow their brows, nervously push their glasses up their sweaty noses, and sigh hopelessly. Rappers? Dance moves? Care Bears? All three brainiacs will guess wrong and go home empty-handed, reputations ruined. But trash like you and I will be screaming from our couches at home, “TikTok mansions, TikTok mansions!” 

So, yeah, there’s another TikTok mansion (definition: a house consisting of people aspiring for TikTok stardom who create content together and separately). Hype House was the one that got Bling Ring’d. The residents of Sway House were charged for throwing pandemic house parties. And the latest is Honey House. What makes Honey House different is that its residents aren’t Gen Z partiers; they’re yoga-model-actor-mindfulness-type millennials. Which is maybe worse, because you know they think their “brands” are saving the world.

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Hilaria And Alec Baldwin’s Fifth Baby Has Arrived

/ September 9, 2020

With all that’s been going on I kind of forgot that Hilaria Baldwin was pregnant, but in my defense, when isn’t she? According to People, right now if we’re quick about it! Hilaria and Alec Baldwin welcomed their fifth child together, a baby boy, last night. I’m sure it’s a great relief to Alec and Hilaria to have the new baby safely delivered into the world given that Hilaria suffered two back-to-back miscarriages. Alec and Hilaria both shared the good news on Instagram with Hilaria announcing “stay tuned for a name.” She’s probably already busy stretching and will announce the name using a series of yoga alphabet poses.

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Tory Lanez Reportedly Told Megan Thee Stallion That He Shot Her Because He Was “Too Drunk” 

/ September 9, 2020

TMZ claims to have seen s text message that 28-year-old rapper Tory Lanez sent to 25-year-old Megan Thee Stallion after he allegedly shot her feet during a fight after a night out. Megan herself confirmed that Tory was the one who shot her. In the text messages, Tory doesn’t ever specifically say “Sorry for you shooting you,” but he does apologize for something bad that went down and blamed it on being too drunk. Hmm, I’ve been “too drunk” as well but have never shot someone. But maybe that’s just me.

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