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Adam Levine Has Allegedly “Recommitted Himself” To Wife Behati Prinsloo
Love finds a way! Six months after the Adam Levine cheating scandal, a source tells Us Weekly that he has “recommitted himself 100%” to wife Behati Prinsloo, and their children. Adam’s also gotten “back to basics” and is doing lots of yoga and meditation. Um, will yoga really help Adam’s wandering peen? Didn’t his former yoga instructor accuse him of sending her explicit texts while they were both in committed relationships? Hopefully, Adam’s new yoga teacher is someone he’d never want to have sex with. Like… um… HUH. This is actually a hard one. How ’bout Grimace, is he a trained yogi?
Open Post: Hosted By The Death Of The $1 New York Pizza Slice
It’s the end of an era. The New York dollar slice is dead. Rest in peace, you dirt-cheap, greasy bastard. The New York Post reports that the last remaining $1 pizza joint, 2 Bros. Pizza, was forced to raise their prices to $1.50 to keep up with inflation. Decades from now, you’ll tell your great-great-grandkids, “I remember the days I could get a slice for a buck.” And, because pizza slices in 2083 will cost you at least ¥137 (or 8,100 NFTs) , the kids will assume you’ve gone mad and finally ship your old ass off to Shady Pines…
Teresa Giudice Of “The Real Housewives Of New Jersey” Defends Husband Luis Ruelas’ Comments About Wearing Her Late Father’s Pajamas
Last summer, Teresa Giudice of Real Housewives of New Jersey got married to Luis “Louie” Ruelas, sporting a hairstyle that was exactly 11 feet high (one foot for every month she spent in the clink). Right now, RHONJ is airing its thirteenth season, and Tre’s wedding special will air a week after the season finale. Currently, the big drama is the never-ending, Hundred Years’ war between Teresa and her brother Joe Gorga/sister-in-law Melissa Gorga, who didn’t end up attending the wedding. For once, I’m Team Teresa. The Gorgas are equal parts exhausting and phony. But then… a twist. In the preview for next week’s episode, Luis is shown having an intense conversation with Joe and utters the following wackadoo sentence: “I live with your four nieces. I wear your father’s pajamas at night to make them feel safe and loving. Do you know that?” Uh, no. I didn’t. I would definitely remember hearing about that one, cuz Teresa and Joe’s father, Giacinto “Nonno” Gorga, died three years ago. So… yeah. Luis has admitted to wearing a dead man’s pajamas.
Chris Martin Says He Only Eats One Meal A Day To Look Like Bruce Springsteen
Insider reports Chris Martin went on Conan O’Brien’s podcast, Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend, and the pair chatted about meeting their heroes. Conan asked Chris if any of his idols ever gave him advice over dinner, and Chris revealed that, actually, he doesn’t eat dinner anymore. He stops eating at 4 pm and only has one big meal daily. Like a snake! Now, before you blame Chris’ strict diet on his ex-wife, bone broth enthusiast Gwyneth Paltrow, think again. It’s actually Bruce Springsteen’s fault! Turns out The Boss doesn’t just have a Hungry Heart; he also has a Hungry Tummy.
Megan Fox And Machine Gun Kelly Are Reportedly “On A Break”
Today in NO SHIT, SHERLOCK, a source tells Us Weekly that Megan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly are officially “on a break”. This earth-shattering news comes ten days after Megan showed up to the Vanity Fair Oscar party sans engagement ring and five weeks after she took to Instagram to imply that Machine Gun cheated and they were through. The insider adds that the couple has pressed pause on their wedding plans.
Suri Cruise Is Already Applying To Colleges, And Tom Cruise Still Plays “No Part” In Her Life
I still remember the moment I first saw her. It was October 2006. I was in my college dorm room, manically refreshing every gossip site in existence to procrastinate writing an essay about some boring-ass poem by Robert Frost (I ended up getting a 60%, cuz the TA said I had “no thesis”). Suddenly, there she was, on the cover of Vanity Fair, with momma Katie Holmes and poppa Tom Cruise. A wee infant with a mop of dark hair and deep blue eyes. This was Suri Cruise, aka Scientology’s baby Jesus. Since her magazine debut in the mid-aughts, Suri has (GASP) grown up. Now she’s 16, going on 17, and, according to The Daily Mail, she’s already applying to colleges. The thesis of this story? We’re old. Continue reading
