Goodbye My Lovers, Goodbye My Friends

June 30, 2023 / Posted by:

I’m an anxious person. I hem, I haw, I catastrophize, and I loooathe change. I’d rather have my eyes Clockwork Oranged and be made to watch an entire sports match than face the great unknown. So, like many of you, the news that DListed was shutting down totally bummed me out. Truly the end of an era. But, on the plus side, how lucky were we to get to be a part of it? Hell, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I actually got to write for Michael K.

The moment I saw Michael’s “Writers Wanted” post back in January 2020, I was petrified. I really, really wanted it. And wanting something that badly is scary. My brain said, “You?! Ha. Ya got zero chance, so don’t even bother. Now, let’s smoke weed and watch six hours of Glee. I said NOW, bitch!” For days, I procrastinated writing my sample article about Cameron Diaz naming her newborn daughter “Raddix.” But, eventually, I bit the bullet, did the work, and applied. I got Michael’s “you’re hired” email in the middle of teaching a Level B improv class. I told the students to take a quick break from zip-zap-zipping, ran to the bathroom, and happy-screamed into my sweater. A moment of pure joy. And it would’ve never happened had I not taken a goddamn leap. So, maybe embracing change, facing your fears, “Yes, And-ing,” and all that other corny improv shit is… good? UGH. Maybe. But I’ll still miss DListed.

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Open Post: Hosted By The Seven Persian Cats With A Six-Figure Inheritance

June 29, 2023 / Posted by:

Attention fancy cat lovers of Florida! 7 Persian kitties are up for adoption at the Humane Society of Tampa Bay. I know what you’re thinking… you want one, but you’re hesitant because purebred pussy’s pricey. The vet bills, the grooming, and the costly breed-specific food. I get it; I owned a Persian. She was an XXPEN$IVE princess! But these cats are unique because they come with a built-in fortune. WFLA reports that their late owner, Nancy Sauer, left them a $300,000 inheritance when she passed away last November. That’s almost $43,000 per puss! Sigh. Yet another reason to be jealous of cats.

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Madonna Is In The Hospital With A “Serious Bacterial Infection” And Has Delayed Her Tour

June 28, 2023 / Posted by:

Page Six reports that Madonna is recovering after a scary medical emergency over the weekend. On Saturday, the Queen of Pop was found unresponsive and rushed to a New York City hospital. 64-year-old Madge was intubated for at least one night before having the tube removed. This afternoon, her longtime manager, Guy Oseary, posted a statement on Instagram. He writes that Madonna “developed a serious bacterial infection,” which led to several days in the ICU. While she’s out of the ICU, she’s still under medical care. Guy adds that Madonna’s 40th-anniversary world tour, The Celebration Tour, will be postponed. It was set to begin on July 15 in Vancouver. The good news? Guy says Madonna’s health is “improving,” and she’s expected to make a full recovery. Phew! Thank god she’s OK. Especially on this, our month of Pride.

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Chrissy Teigen And John Legend Welcomed Their Fourth Child Via Surrogate

June 28, 2023 / Posted by:

Today, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend took to Instagram to announce the arrival of their fourth child, a son named Wren Alexander Stephens. Wait, didn’t Chrissy already have her baby? And wasn’t it a girl named Esti? Or was that a Mandela Effect false memory, a la Mr. Monopoly wearing a monocle? Turns out Esti is real. She was born in January. People reports that baby Wren was born via surrogate last Monday, June 19. Ahhh, the ol’ scrunched-up surrogate timeline. Back in the day, two babies born less than a year apart would be called “Irish twins.” Now, they’re referred to as “back-to-back Baldwinitos.”

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After Roseanne Barr Went On A Podcast And Said The Holocaust Never Happened, Her Son Claimed She Was Being Sarcastic

June 27, 2023 / Posted by:

Hoo boy. Roseanne Barr is making headlines for her recent appearance on Theo Von’s podcast, “This Past Weekend.” According to TMZ, 70-year-old Roseanne (who is Jewish) “joked” that, actually, nobody died in the Holocaust, but “six million Jews should die right now, cuz they cause all the problems in the world.” To absolutely no one’s surprise, Roseanne’s comments sparked outrage. Well, what the hell did she expect? Everyone to guffaw and say, “Awww, I can’t stay mad at crazy ol’ Roseanne! Give her back her sitcom!” After her Holocaust comments went viral, Roseanne’s son, Jake Pentland, told TMZ that the clip making the rounds online lacked context, and he’s “embarrassed that people are stupid enough not to recognize Roseanne is being sarcastic.” Yep, that’s the way to handle yet another PR crisis. Call the people “stupid.”

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